Your friends will tell you that you have to make up your mind regarding your big problem. They will tell you that you must sink or swim. Remember though,that there is a third option. Try to achieve a state of neutral buoyancy. Clouds are on the horizon. Storm clouds. Storm clouds that will bring rain, hail, thunder, and lightning. Run away. This is the time to leap to the aid of a Scallop that you work with. They will not thank you for your actions, they may well come to despise you for what you do, but it still needs to be done.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
A black car will loom large in your life (or maybe just your rear-view mirror) on Sunday. Remember to wear your seat belt and try not to have any small animals in your car on that day. Time to remove the 'us' in fuss and put the 'me' in 'medicate'. You generally don't get on with Barnacles, but if you meet one on Wednesday who looks at all like Chevy Chase, then you should kiss them without hesitation.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
This is a great week for trying something completely new such as listening to jazz, ballroom dancing, or invading a neighboring country. A friend in need is a friend indeed...except when they cheat on you behind your back. Keep a careful eye out on those that call themselves your 'friends'. Get your friends to form a circle around you, then they can clap and cheer at your brilliance.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
This is a week that is much less about who you are, but much more about who you could be. You are a kitten but you want to be a tiger. Become the tiger! Your enemies are plotting against you. Ignore them, what's the worse that could happen? Get out and enjoy life on Tuesday, and if you happen to spot a little Scallop who is in need of a good time then so much the better. But remember: Clams and Scallops, good. Clams and Scallops and alcohol, bad.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
If you make an appointment on Monday then it will be cancelled, delayed or postponed. The trick will therefore be to make the appointment for a day that you can't make. There is a 32% probability that someone who looks like Bill Gates will shower you with unusual gifts on Sunday. This will only happen though if you are wearing pink On Friday night you will dream of being Terry Bradshaw. You won't know why until the following @day@ when a chance meeting with an international patent attorney will shed much light on this mystery.
The Slug July 26th
On Sunday, the number 44 will signify bad news. Really. Bad. News. Things will be mostly crap for you this week, but on the plus side of things, you will already know exactly what this feels like. There will be good news on Wednesday this week. However, it will turn out to be very bad news by Friday.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
A forthcoming trip is causing you much stress, Speak to your doctor for advice. Fish are a big thing in your life at the moment. Catching fish and eating fish are what you are all about. Ever get stuck in an elevator with a Barnacle? Well be prepared for that eventuality on Friday. Also be prepared for a very bad body odor problem.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
The number 33 will be a powerful omen for you this Saturday, but only if you are in the possession of some dried fruit. One of the following objects will potentially cause you to have a life-altering event this week: a red car, an unripe avocado, Thursday's edition of your local newspaper, or a vibrating electronic device. Squids are all around you this week. Try not to get smothered in their tentacles. One Squid in particular will try to make romantic advances towards you. If you can't smell their hideous body odor, then you are a perfect match. If you can, then you are not.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
If there was ever a week in which you should enroll in a foreign language class, then this is the week. If someone should happen to comment that you look just a little bit like Bob Dylan, then maybe it's time to consider some heavy duty cosmetic surgery. You are starting to tire of a colleague's constant profanity in the workplace. It would be great if they were to 'accidentally' be punched in the throat. Well one can dream.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
If you wear too much make-up on Monday, you could be in for trouble when someone close to you mistakes you for someone even closer to them. You will be troubled by two legs on Tuesday and four legs on Friday. To be on the safe side, arrive 5 hours early for your special work meeting this week.
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