A religious fanatic with a speech impediment will cause you much grief this week. You work hard but seem to get no reward for your effort. Perhaps this week, you will get effort for your reward. This is the week where you will need an Oyster by your side, but there will be none to be found. If you get desperate then try searching at either a bar, brothel, or baptism ceremony. These are all natural haunts for the Oyster.
You are being driven mad by driving. Don't get mad, get even. Eat well this week, but don't eat too little, and don't eat too much. Also avoid the wrong types of food and focus on the right types of food. If you see a barnacle this week, you should probably hit them. They are always trouble.
This is a good time to give up something, particularly if you have an addiction to any illegal narcotics. You are a fighter, not a quitter. Don't let the bastards grind you down. Ever been on holiday with a Scallop before? They'll buy you a lot of drinks but they'll expect certain favors in return. You might not like the sound - or the smell - of those favors.
Avoid even numbers this week if possible as they will only bring you trouble. Eat, drink, and be merry. But not if you are driving or are a recovering alcoholic. In which case you should just eat. Whatever anyone says to you, it's not worth telling your boss about.
One of the following objects will potentially cause you to have a life-altering event this week: a red car, an unripe avocado, Friday's edition of your local newspaper, or a vibrating electronic device. People will tell you that life can have its ups and downs, but they never tell you to watch out for the sideways. When you and that lovable Oyster colleague of yours get together, then sparks will fly. Unfortunately, that might lead to a charge of arson this week, so best cancel that Friday night get-together.
There will be good news on Wednesday this week. However, it will turn out to be very bad news by Friday. Your friends talk about you behind your back. Are they pathetic...or are you? With such a tragic life, with an existence full of misery, you may think you are a suitable candidate for the Guinness World Record of 'Most miserable life'. Don't think about applying for this record however...you will be rejected.
You want what you cannot have. You have what you no longer want. Such is life. Try to look forward to the future this week, but still keep one eye looking over your shoulder as the past may catch you up and spit in your eye. You will fall in love with a Squid on 6:45 am on Monday. By 7:15 you will realize that actually they are quite repulsive.
You will breathe more deeply this week when things that you want appear on the horizon, in a shimmering cloud. Are olives really 'the Devil's grape'? This is the week where you will find out. Take a Scallop and a Snail. Two very similar Mollusks who are also so entirely different. On Monday you will find out just how similar or different you are when you will be inadvertently stuck in a toilet cubicle with said Snail.
Walk faster than the person in front of you if you want to get ahead this week...unless that person is carrying a knife. The number 35 will be a powerful omen for you this Monday, but only if you are in the possession of some dried fruit. When you and a Limpet get together on Saturday, sparks will literally fly. That's what you get when a chance encounter with a welder goes horribly wrong.
Is there a ray of light at the end of the tunnel? A chance meeting on Wednesday with a gynecologist might provide some answers. There is no difference between what you can do and what you think you can do. The only difference is in your mind, or what you think is in your mind. You will kill yourself if you arrive late for work this week so purchase 7 alarm clocks to be on the safe side.
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