Try experiencing the quirkier side of life when you next read a book by only reading the odd-numbered pages. If someone should happen to comment that you look just a little bit like Harry Houdini, then maybe it's time to consider some heavy duty cosmetic surgery. You may want to keep a fellow Clam close to your side on Friday.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Belief is the key to your problems this week. Belief in the power of a burning flame. Belief in the strength that can only come from catching three green lights in a row. Belief in the proverb that 'Even a lost penguin will find its way home'. It's time to believe. The old sailors motto of 'Kick it. Beat it. Cook it. Eat it.' may have special relevance to you this week when you will be faced with an animal that is in your way. You generally don't get on with Barnacles, but if you meet one on Thursday who looks at all like Paul McCartney, then you should kiss them without hesitation.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
See a penny, pick it up, and all day long you'll have good luck...or will you??? It is written that 'a drunken sailor is a happy sailor', yet it is also written that 'drinking leads to death'. Which one of these sayings do you most believe in? Get your creative juices flowing and write a poem about your favorite cheese.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Ever had to take over the controls of a plane due to an injury to the pilot? This week might provide an occasion to do just that. This week you might find yourself inconvenienced in an enclosed space with someone who looks remarkably like Michael J. Fox. Does this matter? Only time will tell. You would rather stick a knife in your eye than disclose a less than important secret to your boss.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
If your boss offers to take you out for a drink this week you should gently decline...unless you want to contract a 'downstairs' disease and be involved in an unpleasant (and protracted) divorce settlement. This might be the sort of crazy week where you should try to do the exact opposite of what everyone tries to tell you to do. One exception to this would be if anyone tells you to do the opposite of what you would normally do. Tell someone that they look great this week...even if they are pig ugly.
The Slug July 26th
A long lost family member will appear in your life once again this week. You will be overcome with emotion at meeting up with this person. That is until you find out that they have only tracked you down to ask you for money. The sound of thunder will hang over you until you can put a smile on your face. As you are one of the most miserable people around, this may not be easy. Is it possible for everyone you know to violently dislike you? Yes. It is.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
A friend in need is a friend indeed...except when they cheat on you behind your back. Keep a careful eye out on those that call themselves your 'friends'. Think about what you want, and what you need. Are they the same things? How many times do you get a Mussel trying to chat you up over a drink and a hot dog? Well this is the week where a Mussel with a point to prove will try to ply you with hot dogs and beer. Just go easy on the mustard!
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
An important financial decision could prove disastrous if you fail to properly understand the intricacies of global macro-economics. Enhance your chances of success by relying on the time-tested tradition of flipping a coin. Heads means 'Buy' and tails means 'Sell'. Sometimes it is good to try something new. Saturday will offer you the best chance that you will ever have to try something new that involves cheese. A Clam that you know will try to kill you this week. Well maybe they are just plotting the act at this stage. Actually, they might only be thinking about it. On second thoughts, it's more of a vague intention. So don't worry about it too much. Just be careful around them if they are holding any sharp objects.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Try to spend one day this week in silence. Communicate only with gestures or bodily odors. Walk faster than the person in front of you if you want to get ahead this week...unless that person is carrying a knife. You will find yourself in one of those situations where time is of the essence this week. However, a portly Barnacle involved in a roller-skating experiment is going to ensure that your scheduling goes out the window.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Computer problems might cause you headaches this week. Best stick to using a pen and paper. You need to get away from the stress that is currently crushing your spirit. A weekend in an isolation chamber will help you focus. You will be asked to look after a Limpet this week. That may be a good thing but it may be a bad thing. Be especially careful on Friday when said Limpet might ask you to do something which could be considered illegal in many countries.
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