They say that you should never comment on a woman's age. Maybe you should try to do it this week to see if that saying still holds true. Don't look behind you, instead concentrate on what lies ahead. The road that takes you on the longest path is the road that will not take you on the shortest path. A old Snail associate will cross your path this week...very slowly. Be patient, this Snail will provide you with much needed culinary relief.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Don't do things that you don't want to do, unless you do want to do the things that you think that you don't want to do. You will not meet any world leaders this week. Try to deal with this unsatisfying news by remaining calm and not attacking anyone with a sporting accessory. You generally don't get on with Barnacles, but if you meet one on Thursday who looks at all like Vincent Van Gogh, then you should kiss them without hesitation.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Your week will become focused around @day, when the the number 4, the color orange and someone who has a connection to Charles Yeager will potentially change your life, or maybe just your bank balance. Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork. The more you finish, the more just keeps piling up on your desk. The solution to your office stress is to buy a box of matches...the rest will become obvious. Get your creative juices flowing and write a poem about your favorite cheese.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Sexual tensions will be further inflamed this week by an inappropriate use of office stationary. You will have an important meeting with your boss this week. Be careful, the wrong choice of shoes will prove disastrous to your career. There is an Oyster in town who is looking for a good time. You can join in that good time, but be prepared to run up an substantial credit-card bill, and don't expect to see your shoes again anytime soon.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
There are many things that you would like to try this week. But remember 'do or do not, there is no try'. A famous sailor once remarked that 'A beached whale is like a boy urinating in a church at a wedding. It doesn't look good, it doesn't smell good, and everyone pretends not to notice, even though they are secretly annoyed. Don't be that beached whale. Tell someone that they look great this week...even if they are pig ugly.
The Slug July 26th
If everything goes to plan this week then you will be a very happy Mollusk indeed. Chance are though, that it will fall to pieces...again! Hanging out with a Scallop on Sunday might gain you some attention as you bask in the aura of Mr/Mrs Popular. However, they will hate you for this unwanted association and your evening may well end with the threat of extreme physical violence. In your hour of need, an Oyster that you know will have all the answers to your problems this week. However, they are not going to tell you any of the answers.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Why do you spend so much time waiting for other people to tell you how great you are. Cut out the middle man and start singing your own praises while looking in the mirror. It is written that 'a drunken sailor is a happy sailor', yet it is also written that 'drinking leads to death'. Which one of these sayings do you most believe in? Do you know a Limpet? Do you want to know a Limpet? If the answer is yes, then on Wednesday night make your way to where the cool people go. And take lots of loose change with you.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Try experiencing the quirkier side of life when you next read a book by only reading the odd-numbered pages. Hold a dinner party on Sunday, but don't invite anyone...that will show them! On Wednesday you might want to try playing Limpet limbo, but only if you know any sexually-charged Limpets. Otherwise stay at home with a good book.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Avoid even numbers this week if possible as they will only bring you trouble. Eat, drink, and be merry. But not if you are driving or are a recovering alcoholic. In which case you should just eat. Your map reading skills might just help you save a stranded puppy this week.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
This is the week where you will wish that you could be as slippery as an eel in a mud-wrestling contest. The old sailors motto of 'Kick it. Beat it. Cook it. Eat it.' may have special relevance to you this week when you will be faced with an animal that is in your way. Make some sweet love in the afternoon...about 3:43 pm.
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