The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Your friends will tell you that you have to make up your mind regarding your big problem. They will tell you that you must sink or swim. Remember though,that there is a third option. Try to achieve a state of neutral buoyancy. Doubt and uncertainty will cloud your thoughts this week. Try listening to a tall person for advice. Beware the old saying: 'a Squid in need is a Squid indeed'. It might make no sense, but then again neither does the weather.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
The current problems with your job are partially due to the monotony that surrounds you. Kick start your career by doing something to shock your colleagues and show them your inner beast. There may be times this week when you will wonder if you will ever make it to Friday unscathed. If you survive until Thursday evening, then you will be fine. When a Snail and an Oyster meet, it is a bit like finding a dead animal in your washing machine. However much you try, the smell just won't go away.
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
You will see someone this week who looks suspiciously like Peter Jennings. This will have no bearing on your life whatsoever. A famous sailor once said "You can kiss a mermaid, but you might still die of scurvy"...these words will have special significance for you this week. You once knew a Limpet who was vile, repugnant, and had a tendency to sweat heavily. Well bad news for you because that very same family member will be knocking on your door this week.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
Your challenge for this week is to clear your head of all thoughts concerning sex and mustard. There is no difference between what you can do and what you think you can do. The only difference is in your mind, or what you think is in your mind. Get out and enjoy life on Tuesday, and if you happen to spot a little Scallop who is in need of a good time then so much the better. But remember: Clams and Scallops, good. Clams and Scallops and alcohol, bad.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
A forthcoming trip is causing you much stress, Speak to your doctor for advice. This is a great week for trying something completely new such as listening to jazz, ballroom dancing, or invading a neighboring country. If you have to lie about your age, height, weight, or gender this week, then it's probably for the best.
The Slug
July 26th
Have you looked outside recently? If you have you will have noticed that it has been dull and gloomy for some time. A bit like you. One more week on the planet, means another week of learning and discovery; it also means that you're one week closer to your death. Improve your popularity this week by a) not saying anything to anyone and b) wearing a bag over your head.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
On Friday you will learn the important difference between a large ukulele and a small guitar. The numbers 6 or 9 (or possibly 28) hold the key to happiness this week. How many times do you get a Mussel trying to chat you up over a drink and a hot dog? Well this is the week where a Mussel with a point to prove will try to ply you with hot dogs and beer. Just go easy on the mustard!
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
Try to look forward to the future this week, but still keep one eye looking over your shoulder as the past may catch you up and spit in your eye. Now is a good time to live life in the fast lane and be daring and bold. Try wearing one less item of clothing than usual. Take a Scallop and a Snail. Two very similar Mollusks who are also so entirely different. On Monday you will find out just how similar or different you are when you will be inadvertently stuck in a toilet cubicle with said Snail.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
Take the time to make some sense of what you want to say. And cast your words away upon the waves. Take a second look at what you are wearing. Your friends think that it is time that you burn your wardrobe. Maybe they are right? If you hear so much as one mention of the F-word from a friend or colleague, then forcefully wash their mouth out with soap (or battery acid).
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
Don't be surprised when an accidental slip on a calculator this week could lead to a diplomatic incident involving the French Navy. This might be the sort of crazy week where you should try to do the exact opposite of what everyone tries to tell you to do. One exception to this would be if anyone tells you to do the opposite of what you would normally do. You will see a Barnacle in considerable distress this week. If they are left-handed, you should step in to help, otherwise keep walking.
Sunday, April 24, 2016
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 18th April 2016
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Hold a dinner party on Wednesday, but don't invite anyone...that will show them! This is a week that is much less about who you are, but much more about who you could be. You are a kitten but you want to be a tiger. Become the tiger! You may want to keep a fellow Clam close to your side on Wednesday.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Be careful not to overexert yourself in the kitchen this week. Remember, too many broths spoil the cook. A famous sailor once remarked 'Life is like jumping overboard without knowing how to swim. You will drown. We all drown. Such is life'. Apply this philosophy to your sales presentation on Wednesday this week. Stupid is as stupid does, and as stupidity goes, a run in on Wednesday with a Slug will have you reaching for your gun (metaphorically). Shoot down the Slug (metaphorically speaking) before they shoot down your dreams.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Ignite your enthusiasm this week by planning a trip, but avoid buses, trains, and planes as these might bring you danger. An important financial decision could prove disastrous if you fail to properly understand the intricacies of global macro-economics. Enhance your chances of success by relying on the time-tested tradition of flipping a coin. Heads means 'Buy' and tails means 'Sell'. You've always had two secret role models, but up till now they were so secret you didn't know who they were. Let the truth be revealed, for you secretly covet Aristotle and Tiger Woods.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
This week you will be tired. Tired of work. Tired of family and friends. Tired of life. However, you will sleep soundly. Take an umbrella with you this week when you go to your 'special' appointment. It won't rain but there will be waterworks. There is an old saying that goes something like this: 'A Clam, a Clam, a Clam! All I need is a Clam...but a Barnacle might be ok as well'. Heed this warning on Tuesday.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Belief is the key to your problems this week. Belief in the power of a burning flame. Belief in the strength that can only come from catching three green lights in a row. Belief in the proverb that 'Even a lost penguin will find its way home'. It's time to believe. This will be a good week for fun, festivities, and especially fashion. Let your clothes do the talking and don't skimp on the accessories. You might know of a Slug who is in trouble this week. But as they are a Slug, you probably won't want to help them.
The Slug July 26th
On Saturday, the number 72 will signify bad news. Really. Bad. News. You will receive a call this week with fantastic news about a possible love interest. Unfortunately, it will be a wrong number. The number 41 will be important for you this week. This will possibly be an amount of money that you will lose, or the number of days you might be held for questioning by the police.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Self-sufficiency is the name of the game for you this week. If you can avoid buying any food, then so much the better. A pretty young woman connected to the number 25 will be involved in a bizarre gardening accident this week. You may or may not know this woman. Other Mollusks would say that 'one-on-one is fun', but you are an Oyster, in which case you should adhere to the 'eight-on-eight is great' school of bedroom philosophy.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
How can something as simple and harmless as a tube of toothpaste cause so much misery? You will find out this week. A trip to the dry-cleaners could provide the impetus you have been looking for to kick-start your business plans. That stranger who you keep seeing in your neighborhood, the one who looks a bit like Tiger Woods, well you can rest easy because they're not Pelé at all.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
This might be the sort of crazy week where you should try to do the exact opposite of what everyone tries to tell you to do. One exception to this would be if anyone tells you to do the opposite of what you would normally do. The current problems with your job are partially due to the monotony that surrounds you. Kick start your career by doing something to shock your colleagues and show them your inner beast. Wake up at 3:00 AM on Friday to remind yourself why it's such a bad idea to get up at 3:00 AM.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Big developments will occur in the bedroom this week. Make sure your sheets are clean. A cucumber, a pneumatic drill, and a skateboard. Two of these three items will not give you a major headache this week. You know an Octopus who is almost the perfect person. Polite, charming, attractive, and financially independent. Sadly, you chose to marry their poor, ugly, and alcoholic cousin instead.
Hold a dinner party on Wednesday, but don't invite anyone...that will show them! This is a week that is much less about who you are, but much more about who you could be. You are a kitten but you want to be a tiger. Become the tiger! You may want to keep a fellow Clam close to your side on Wednesday.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Be careful not to overexert yourself in the kitchen this week. Remember, too many broths spoil the cook. A famous sailor once remarked 'Life is like jumping overboard without knowing how to swim. You will drown. We all drown. Such is life'. Apply this philosophy to your sales presentation on Wednesday this week. Stupid is as stupid does, and as stupidity goes, a run in on Wednesday with a Slug will have you reaching for your gun (metaphorically). Shoot down the Slug (metaphorically speaking) before they shoot down your dreams.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Ignite your enthusiasm this week by planning a trip, but avoid buses, trains, and planes as these might bring you danger. An important financial decision could prove disastrous if you fail to properly understand the intricacies of global macro-economics. Enhance your chances of success by relying on the time-tested tradition of flipping a coin. Heads means 'Buy' and tails means 'Sell'. You've always had two secret role models, but up till now they were so secret you didn't know who they were. Let the truth be revealed, for you secretly covet Aristotle and Tiger Woods.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
This week you will be tired. Tired of work. Tired of family and friends. Tired of life. However, you will sleep soundly. Take an umbrella with you this week when you go to your 'special' appointment. It won't rain but there will be waterworks. There is an old saying that goes something like this: 'A Clam, a Clam, a Clam! All I need is a Clam...but a Barnacle might be ok as well'. Heed this warning on Tuesday.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Belief is the key to your problems this week. Belief in the power of a burning flame. Belief in the strength that can only come from catching three green lights in a row. Belief in the proverb that 'Even a lost penguin will find its way home'. It's time to believe. This will be a good week for fun, festivities, and especially fashion. Let your clothes do the talking and don't skimp on the accessories. You might know of a Slug who is in trouble this week. But as they are a Slug, you probably won't want to help them.
The Slug July 26th
On Saturday, the number 72 will signify bad news. Really. Bad. News. You will receive a call this week with fantastic news about a possible love interest. Unfortunately, it will be a wrong number. The number 41 will be important for you this week. This will possibly be an amount of money that you will lose, or the number of days you might be held for questioning by the police.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Self-sufficiency is the name of the game for you this week. If you can avoid buying any food, then so much the better. A pretty young woman connected to the number 25 will be involved in a bizarre gardening accident this week. You may or may not know this woman. Other Mollusks would say that 'one-on-one is fun', but you are an Oyster, in which case you should adhere to the 'eight-on-eight is great' school of bedroom philosophy.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
How can something as simple and harmless as a tube of toothpaste cause so much misery? You will find out this week. A trip to the dry-cleaners could provide the impetus you have been looking for to kick-start your business plans. That stranger who you keep seeing in your neighborhood, the one who looks a bit like Tiger Woods, well you can rest easy because they're not Pelé at all.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
This might be the sort of crazy week where you should try to do the exact opposite of what everyone tries to tell you to do. One exception to this would be if anyone tells you to do the opposite of what you would normally do. The current problems with your job are partially due to the monotony that surrounds you. Kick start your career by doing something to shock your colleagues and show them your inner beast. Wake up at 3:00 AM on Friday to remind yourself why it's such a bad idea to get up at 3:00 AM.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Big developments will occur in the bedroom this week. Make sure your sheets are clean. A cucumber, a pneumatic drill, and a skateboard. Two of these three items will not give you a major headache this week. You know an Octopus who is almost the perfect person. Polite, charming, attractive, and financially independent. Sadly, you chose to marry their poor, ugly, and alcoholic cousin instead.
Sunday, April 10, 2016
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 11th April 2016
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Wear a smile on this week because you cannot fail* and everything you do will turn out to be magical and rewarding (* = terms and conditions may apply). Wedding bells might be ringing this week, but alas these are very, very quiet wedding bells which have had their clappers lined with velvet. You will have to listen very carefully if you want to hear them. A collision with a Limpet will literally knock you off your feet this week. Don't spend much time arguing whose fault it was but instead try to reach a consensus that it was due to a stupid Slug that you know.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Tiredness will knock on your door this week, so be prepared to consume vast amounts of energy drinks. Are you a lion or a mouse? Now is the time to nail your colors to the flag and decide whether you can squeak or roar. When a Snail and an Oyster meet, it is a bit like finding a dead animal in your washing machine. However much you try, the smell just won't go away.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Be wise on Thursday, but timid on Friday. If your boss offers to take you out for a drink this week you should gently decline...unless you want to contract a 'downstairs' disease and be involved in an unpleasant (and protracted) divorce settlement. You once knew a Limpet who was vile, repugnant, and had a tendency to sweat heavily. Well bad news for you because that very same family member will be knocking on your door this week.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Why do people infuriate so much? Could it be because they are all idiots? Probably. A man connected with the number 66 will bring you joy and a woman connected with the number -4 will bring you great sorrow. You have an Octopus pal who will need of a shoulder to cry on this week. They are in the wrong, they did the wrong thing, and it will turn out all wrong, but you probably won't want to mention any of that.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Should you wear pink on Saturday? No, but you'll do it anyway because you have no sense of fashion. Don't leave your house on Monday afternoon, disaster lurks if you step outside. You will see a Slug in trouble this week. You will not care. You are the better Mollusk.
The Slug July 26th
You have dandruff, do something about it! Want some advice? Trying to be popular is never going to work. An alternative solution would be to crawl under a large rock and stay there. You will be followed about by a bad smell everywhere that you go this week. This is not much of a mystery, the smell is you.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Try to look forward to the future this week, but still keep one eye looking over your shoulder as the past may catch you up and spit in your eye. You may say to others that you like cats, but this will be the week where you will be tested on how much you love cats. Particularly when a certain cat could unlock the secret to the whereabouts of a long-lost family member. Look yourself in the mirror on Monday and say to yourself "I'm an Oyster, an Oyster, an Oyster!". If you don't say this, no-one else will.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
A friend in need is a friend indeed...except when they cheat on you behind your back. Keep a careful eye out on those that call themselves your 'friends'. The number 23 will be a powerful omen for you this Friday, but only if you are in the possession of some dried fruit. Eat anything you want this week, but avoid the kung po chicken at all costs.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Take an umbrella with you this week when you go to your 'special' appointment. It won't rain but there will be waterworks. You are being driven mad by driving. Don't get mad, get even. You are starting to tire of a colleague's constant profanity in the workplace. It would be great if they were to 'accidentally' be punched in the throat. Well one can dream.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
If you believe in the old addage 'you are what you eat', then you should bear in mind that you eat an awful lot of complete garbage. You've set your sights high this week, but as the Chinese proverb warns us 'rain always dampens an egg buried in the ground'. There is a Squid that you really like. There is a Squid that really likes you. Unfortunately they are half your age and live on the other side of the world.
Wear a smile on this week because you cannot fail* and everything you do will turn out to be magical and rewarding (* = terms and conditions may apply). Wedding bells might be ringing this week, but alas these are very, very quiet wedding bells which have had their clappers lined with velvet. You will have to listen very carefully if you want to hear them. A collision with a Limpet will literally knock you off your feet this week. Don't spend much time arguing whose fault it was but instead try to reach a consensus that it was due to a stupid Slug that you know.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Tiredness will knock on your door this week, so be prepared to consume vast amounts of energy drinks. Are you a lion or a mouse? Now is the time to nail your colors to the flag and decide whether you can squeak or roar. When a Snail and an Oyster meet, it is a bit like finding a dead animal in your washing machine. However much you try, the smell just won't go away.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Be wise on Thursday, but timid on Friday. If your boss offers to take you out for a drink this week you should gently decline...unless you want to contract a 'downstairs' disease and be involved in an unpleasant (and protracted) divorce settlement. You once knew a Limpet who was vile, repugnant, and had a tendency to sweat heavily. Well bad news for you because that very same family member will be knocking on your door this week.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Why do people infuriate so much? Could it be because they are all idiots? Probably. A man connected with the number 66 will bring you joy and a woman connected with the number -4 will bring you great sorrow. You have an Octopus pal who will need of a shoulder to cry on this week. They are in the wrong, they did the wrong thing, and it will turn out all wrong, but you probably won't want to mention any of that.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Should you wear pink on Saturday? No, but you'll do it anyway because you have no sense of fashion. Don't leave your house on Monday afternoon, disaster lurks if you step outside. You will see a Slug in trouble this week. You will not care. You are the better Mollusk.
The Slug July 26th
You have dandruff, do something about it! Want some advice? Trying to be popular is never going to work. An alternative solution would be to crawl under a large rock and stay there. You will be followed about by a bad smell everywhere that you go this week. This is not much of a mystery, the smell is you.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Try to look forward to the future this week, but still keep one eye looking over your shoulder as the past may catch you up and spit in your eye. You may say to others that you like cats, but this will be the week where you will be tested on how much you love cats. Particularly when a certain cat could unlock the secret to the whereabouts of a long-lost family member. Look yourself in the mirror on Monday and say to yourself "I'm an Oyster, an Oyster, an Oyster!". If you don't say this, no-one else will.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
A friend in need is a friend indeed...except when they cheat on you behind your back. Keep a careful eye out on those that call themselves your 'friends'. The number 23 will be a powerful omen for you this Friday, but only if you are in the possession of some dried fruit. Eat anything you want this week, but avoid the kung po chicken at all costs.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Take an umbrella with you this week when you go to your 'special' appointment. It won't rain but there will be waterworks. You are being driven mad by driving. Don't get mad, get even. You are starting to tire of a colleague's constant profanity in the workplace. It would be great if they were to 'accidentally' be punched in the throat. Well one can dream.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
If you believe in the old addage 'you are what you eat', then you should bear in mind that you eat an awful lot of complete garbage. You've set your sights high this week, but as the Chinese proverb warns us 'rain always dampens an egg buried in the ground'. There is a Squid that you really like. There is a Squid that really likes you. Unfortunately they are half your age and live on the other side of the world.
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 4th April 2016
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Fish are a big thing in your life at the moment. Catching fish and eating fish are what you are all about. Be careful not to overexert yourself in the kitchen this week. Remember, too many broths spoil the cook. A collision with a Limpet will literally knock you off your feet this week. Don't spend much time arguing whose fault it was but instead try to reach a consensus that it was due to a stupid Slug that you know.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
If you can get away with it, try to eat everything with a spoon on Tuesday. It will impress a secret admirer. This is a good time to reflect on all the things that you are not. For example, you are not an elephant, nor are you an electric toaster. You generally don't get on with Barnacles, but if you meet one on Sunday who looks at all like Oprah Winfrey, then you should kiss them without hesitation.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
A friend in need is a friend indeed...except when they cheat on you behind your back. Keep a careful eye out on those that call themselves your 'friends'. Why do you do what you think you should do when you don't do what you don't think that you should do? You are a good Mollusk, you are a trustworthy Mollusk. So why when an Oyster comes calling at your door on Sunday will you be doubting yourself? I don't know. Do you?
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Something will be hot this week. It could be you, it could be the weather, or it could be some mustard. The heat will be good, just remember to stay cool. Don't look behind you, instead concentrate on what lies ahead. The road that takes you on the longest path is the road that will not take you on the shortest path. A Squid in need is a Squid indeed. This is the week to hang out with your Squid buddy and see what pops out of the toaster.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Sometimes it is good to try something new. Monday will offer you the best chance that you will ever have to try something new that involves cheese. Don't leave your house on Tuesday afternoon, disaster lurks if you step outside. On Monday night you will dream of being Beethoven. You won't know why until the following Tuesday when a chance meeting with an international patent attorney will shed much light on this mystery.
The Slug July 26th
Just give up making any sort of plans this week. They will all fail so best stay in bed. Now is not the time to shed a tear. Now is the time to weep uncontrollably. You may be feeling down. You may be feeling that nothing good ever happens to you. But don't worry. Just remember, that 99.9% of the rest of the population are much happier than you. So at least it all balances out!
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
You are a fighter, not a quitter. Don't let the bastards grind you down. Mishearing the phrase 'Mass perturbation' will prove your undoing this week. Have your excuses at the ready. This week, if you meet a Squid that looks at all like James Dean then you might be in for some fun times. If however, you meet a Squid that resembles Tiger Woods, then you will almost certainly become violently ill before the end of the week.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
A famous sailor once remarked 'Life is like jumping overboard without knowing how to swim. You will drown. We all drown. Such is life'. Apply this philosophy to your sales presentation on Saturday this week. Tiredness will knock on your door this week, so be prepared to consume vast amounts of energy drinks. That stranger who you keep seeing in your neighborhood, the one who looks a bit like Tiger Woods, well you can rest easy because they're not Yogi Berra at all.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
A famous sailor once remarked that 'A beached whale is like a boy urinating in a church at a wedding. It doesn't look good, it doesn't smell good, and everyone pretends not to notice, even though they are secretly annoyed. Don't be that beached whale. Spend more time not talking to people and your silence will be rewarded. A portly Mussel that you work with will literally get in your way this week. You might want to tactfully suggest that the fat lump of lard should go on a diet.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
In a parallel universe you were born as Steve Martin. Don't get too excited, because you are still living in this universe. The number 8 will have special significance on Saturday, but sadly you will never realize just what that significance is, and so it will all be a bit wasted on you. You're a Mussel, so that's good. But you know a Barnacle who resembles Rick Perry a little too much for your liking, so that's not so good. Well that's life I guess, it's all about balance.
Fish are a big thing in your life at the moment. Catching fish and eating fish are what you are all about. Be careful not to overexert yourself in the kitchen this week. Remember, too many broths spoil the cook. A collision with a Limpet will literally knock you off your feet this week. Don't spend much time arguing whose fault it was but instead try to reach a consensus that it was due to a stupid Slug that you know.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
If you can get away with it, try to eat everything with a spoon on Tuesday. It will impress a secret admirer. This is a good time to reflect on all the things that you are not. For example, you are not an elephant, nor are you an electric toaster. You generally don't get on with Barnacles, but if you meet one on Sunday who looks at all like Oprah Winfrey, then you should kiss them without hesitation.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
A friend in need is a friend indeed...except when they cheat on you behind your back. Keep a careful eye out on those that call themselves your 'friends'. Why do you do what you think you should do when you don't do what you don't think that you should do? You are a good Mollusk, you are a trustworthy Mollusk. So why when an Oyster comes calling at your door on Sunday will you be doubting yourself? I don't know. Do you?
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Something will be hot this week. It could be you, it could be the weather, or it could be some mustard. The heat will be good, just remember to stay cool. Don't look behind you, instead concentrate on what lies ahead. The road that takes you on the longest path is the road that will not take you on the shortest path. A Squid in need is a Squid indeed. This is the week to hang out with your Squid buddy and see what pops out of the toaster.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Sometimes it is good to try something new. Monday will offer you the best chance that you will ever have to try something new that involves cheese. Don't leave your house on Tuesday afternoon, disaster lurks if you step outside. On Monday night you will dream of being Beethoven. You won't know why until the following Tuesday when a chance meeting with an international patent attorney will shed much light on this mystery.
The Slug July 26th
Just give up making any sort of plans this week. They will all fail so best stay in bed. Now is not the time to shed a tear. Now is the time to weep uncontrollably. You may be feeling down. You may be feeling that nothing good ever happens to you. But don't worry. Just remember, that 99.9% of the rest of the population are much happier than you. So at least it all balances out!
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
You are a fighter, not a quitter. Don't let the bastards grind you down. Mishearing the phrase 'Mass perturbation' will prove your undoing this week. Have your excuses at the ready. This week, if you meet a Squid that looks at all like James Dean then you might be in for some fun times. If however, you meet a Squid that resembles Tiger Woods, then you will almost certainly become violently ill before the end of the week.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
A famous sailor once remarked 'Life is like jumping overboard without knowing how to swim. You will drown. We all drown. Such is life'. Apply this philosophy to your sales presentation on Saturday this week. Tiredness will knock on your door this week, so be prepared to consume vast amounts of energy drinks. That stranger who you keep seeing in your neighborhood, the one who looks a bit like Tiger Woods, well you can rest easy because they're not Yogi Berra at all.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
A famous sailor once remarked that 'A beached whale is like a boy urinating in a church at a wedding. It doesn't look good, it doesn't smell good, and everyone pretends not to notice, even though they are secretly annoyed. Don't be that beached whale. Spend more time not talking to people and your silence will be rewarded. A portly Mussel that you work with will literally get in your way this week. You might want to tactfully suggest that the fat lump of lard should go on a diet.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
In a parallel universe you were born as Steve Martin. Don't get too excited, because you are still living in this universe. The number 8 will have special significance on Saturday, but sadly you will never realize just what that significance is, and so it will all be a bit wasted on you. You're a Mussel, so that's good. But you know a Barnacle who resembles Rick Perry a little too much for your liking, so that's not so good. Well that's life I guess, it's all about balance.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
