Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 21st November 2016

The Barnacle December 2nd - February 19th
Remember the saying: you can squeeze the life out of a kitten, but a kitten can't squeeze the life out of you. Friday holds a great surprise for you, unless you already know about it. You may want to keep a fellow Clam close to your side on Sunday.

The Snail February 20th - March 9th
The old sailors motto of 'Kick it. Beat it. Cook it. Eat it.' may have special relevance to you this week when you will be faced with an animal that is in your way. This is a week that is much less about who you are, but much more about who you could be. You are a kitten but you want to be a tiger. Become the tiger! There is a Clam that is going to do something to you this week which will annoy you greatly. But be prepared by buying a good quality stain remover ahead of time.

The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Try to spend one day this week in silence. Communicate only with gestures or bodily odors. Should you wear blue on Tuesday? No, but you'll do it anyway because you have no sense of fashion. Sometimes you will try hard to avoid them, you will try your best to pass them by in the street or workplace. But on Thursday there is no escape. You will have to go toe-to-toe with an Octopus. Make sure you have an adequate supply of breath mints.

The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
If there was ever a week in which you should enroll in a foreign language class, then this is the week. Avoid the number 33 if possible on Friday. The reason for this is unclear, but as a wise sailor once said "I don't mind being swallowed by a whale...as long as I pass out the other end". There is an old saying that goes something like this: 'A Clam, a Clam, a Clam! All I need is a Clam...but a Barnacle might be ok as well'. Heed this warning on Saturday.

The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Take a loved one on a surprise vacation this week and they will be very appreciative, especially if you take them overseas. Tell a loved one that you love them this week. Also tell someone you hate that you hate them. Life is all about balance. Invite a Clam to dinner this week on Wednesday. This will be the one day that they can't make, so easy brownie points for you!

The Slug July 26th
If everything goes to plan this week then you will be a very happy Mollusk indeed. Chance are though, that it will fall to pieces...again! You will receive a call this week with fantastic news about a possible love interest. Unfortunately, it will be a wrong number. Just give up making any sort of plans this week. They will all fail so best stay in bed.

The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
A man connected with the number 24 will bring you joy and a woman connected with the number -4 will bring you great sorrow. Thursday afternoon (about 3:15) is the time for making a big decision about your life. Look yourself in the mirror on Sunday and say to yourself "I'm an Oyster, an Oyster, an Oyster!". If you don't say this, no-one else will.

The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Avoid photographs this week if you think that your illicit affair may be caught on camera. Try to look forward to the future this week, but still keep one eye looking over your shoulder as the past may catch you up and spit in your eye. That stranger who you keep seeing in your neighborhood, the one who looks a bit like Tiger Woods, well you can rest easy because they're not Beethoven at all.

The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Your enemies are plotting against you. Ignore them, what's the worse that could happen? You want what you cannot have. You have what you no longer want. Such is life. The letters F, Y, and K will all be very important to you this week, especially in conjunction with a Scallop wearing green. Be especially cautious if they offer you a hot-dog, but don't offer you any mustard.

The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
The number 3 will have special significance on Thursday, but sadly you will never realize just what that significance is, and so it will all be a bit wasted on you. The current problems with your job are partially due to the monotony that surrounds you. Kick start your career by doing something to shock your colleagues and show them your inner beast. You're a Mussel, so that's good. But you know a Barnacle who resembles Frank Lloyd Wright a little too much for your liking, so that's not so good. Well that's life I guess, it's all about balance.