The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
You can dance this week if you think that kicking up your heels will make you happier. By the way, it won't. One of the following objects will potentially cause you to have a life-altering event this week: a red car, an unripe avocado, Sunday's edition of your local newspaper, or a vibrating electronic device. You may want to keep a fellow Clam close to your side on Tuesday.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
Don't do things that you don't want to do, unless you do want to do the things that you think that you don't want to do. A cucumber, a pneumatic drill, and a skateboard. Two of these three items will not give you a major headache this week. Limpets are losers so avoid them this week.
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
You might be familiar with the saying that 'you cannot buy success', well this might be a good week to try anyway. This week will see you face many important questions. It is important that you answer those questions. Meet up with a Squid this week for some fun and frolics...beware that alcohol and silicon-based lubricants may be involved.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
Do you go for the unhealthy burger or the healthy salad? This is the type of question that will plague you this week. The solution is to go for neither, and instead choose the poached quails eggs. If they don't have quails eggs then I guess you will go hungry. The next time that you play poker, you should bet everything you have whenever you see a two and fold whenever you see an ace. This might not actually help you that much but it will keep everybody else on their toes. Whatever anyone says to you, it's not worth telling your boss about...except if you hear a rumor involving mushrooms or anti-wrinkle cream.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
Are you a lion or a mouse? Now is the time to nail your colors to the flag and decide whether you can squeak or roar. How can something as simple and harmless as a tube of toothpaste cause so much misery? You will find out this week. Tell someone that they look great this week...even if they are pig ugly.
The Slug
July 26th
There is an elephant in the room. You are the elephant. Have you looked outside recently? If you have you will have noticed that it has been dull and gloomy for some time. A bit like you. Everything you try to achieve ends up being surrounded in failure, perhaps you should consider early retirement?
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
If you believe in the old addage 'you are what you eat', then you should bear in mind that you eat an awful lot of complete garbage. Tuesday afternoon (about 3:15) is the time for making a big decision about your life. How many times do you get a Mussel trying to chat you up over a drink and a hot dog? Well this is the week where a Mussel with a point to prove will try to ply you with hot dogs and beer. Just go easy on the mustard!
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
Try experiencing the quirkier side of life when you next read a book by only reading the odd-numbered pages. Smile like a bumblebee in June, and you will be rewarded for your happiness. On Saturday just remind yourself that you are lucky to not have been born a Slug.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
Hold a dinner party on Tuesday, but don't invite anyone...that will show them! You want what you cannot have. You have what you no longer want. Such is life. Tell a loved one that you are going to take up base jumping. You're not going to do this of course, but it's good to keep people on their toes.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
A ship needs a rudder, a ship needs a captain, and a ship needs appropriate health and safety information. Who is the captain of your ship, and who has their hand on the rudder? And most importantly, do you have a life-jacket? The rabbit that runs twice as fast, eats twice as slow. Don't be the rabbit that wins a race but ends up hungry. You will kill yourself if you arrive late for work this week so purchase 7 alarm clocks to be on the safe side.
Monday, December 25, 2017
Sunday, December 17, 2017
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 18th December 2017
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Take the time to make some sense of what you want to say. And cast your words away upon the waves. Confront your inner demons this week and arrange for an internal exorcism. This week, you should heed the old nautical expression 'See a Slug, hear a Slug, smell a Slug, hit a Slug'.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Your watch is making you a prisoner to time. Destroy it. Break it. Smash it up. Be free from the restrictions of a time-delimited schedule...unless you have an important meeting this week. You may say to others that you like cats, but this will be the week where you will be tested on how much you love cats. Particularly when a certain cat could unlock the secret to the whereabouts of a long-lost family member. There is a Clam that is going to do something to you this week which will annoy you greatly. But be prepared by buying a good quality stain remover ahead of time.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Tell a loved one that you love them this week. Also tell someone you hate that you hate them. Life is all about balance. Sexual tensions will be further inflamed this week by an inappropriate use of office stationary. Get your friends to form a circle around you, then they can clap and cheer at your brilliance.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
If you are driving and you see someone who looks like Danny Glover driving a white car, then it is time to leave town immediately otherwise you will be associated with a very bad smell for many months. The rabbit that runs twice as fast, eats twice as slow. Don't be the rabbit that wins a race but ends up hungry. You have a few personal problems at the moment and you might feel that you should turn to a colleague for advice. But asking a Slug for advice is like stepping into a bath full of kerosene and then lighting a firework.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
A famous sailor once said "You can kiss a mermaid, but you might still die of scurvy"...these words will have special significance for you this week. If you see anybody this week who looks like Eisenhower, you should immediately ask them for the time, but only if their watch is on their right wrist. Try applying for a passport using a false identity. It might not work, you might be arrested, but it might be fun trying.
The Slug July 26th
Things will be mostly crap for you this week, but on the plus side of things, you will already know exactly what this feels like. You might want to take a second look in the mirror at some point this week...just to confirm that you really are that ugly. Life is looking good for you this week...actually, that's not exactly true. More likely, life is looking very bad for you.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
People will tell you that life can have its ups and downs, but they never tell you to watch out for the sideways. You will not meet any world leaders this week. Try to deal with this unsatisfying news by remaining calm and not attacking anyone with a sporting accessory. How many times do you get a Mussel trying to chat you up over a drink and a hot dog? Well this is the week where a Mussel with a point to prove will try to ply you with hot dogs and beer. Just go easy on the mustard!
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Be wise on Thursday, but timid on Friday. You will have an important meeting with your boss this week. Be careful, the wrong choice of shoes will prove disastrous to your career. Hot fudge sauce will be your downfall this week, and the reason for this is that you will believe the foolish advice of a Scallop that you know. Believe me, hot fudge sauce is never the solution to problems in the bedroom.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
There are many things that you would like to try this week. But remember 'do or do not, there is no try'. Something involving the color pink will be on your mind this week and you are not sure if you need a second opinion about what to do. The solution involves getting a second opinion from a friend as to whether you need to get a second opinion. Someone will swear at you this week. You will not be happy, in fact you will be livid. In these scenarios, physical retribution is only fair.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Train yourself to be mentally stronger and reap the rewards. Especially on Friday when a chance meeting with a handsome stranger will allow you to think outside the box. Take heed of the old sailors warning 'If you drown, you die'. When you say meet me at 3:47 pm, you of course mean 'meet me at 3:47 pm'. So when a stupid Slug that you know turns up at 3:49 pm, you are entitled to walk away and never talk to them again.
Take the time to make some sense of what you want to say. And cast your words away upon the waves. Confront your inner demons this week and arrange for an internal exorcism. This week, you should heed the old nautical expression 'See a Slug, hear a Slug, smell a Slug, hit a Slug'.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Your watch is making you a prisoner to time. Destroy it. Break it. Smash it up. Be free from the restrictions of a time-delimited schedule...unless you have an important meeting this week. You may say to others that you like cats, but this will be the week where you will be tested on how much you love cats. Particularly when a certain cat could unlock the secret to the whereabouts of a long-lost family member. There is a Clam that is going to do something to you this week which will annoy you greatly. But be prepared by buying a good quality stain remover ahead of time.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Tell a loved one that you love them this week. Also tell someone you hate that you hate them. Life is all about balance. Sexual tensions will be further inflamed this week by an inappropriate use of office stationary. Get your friends to form a circle around you, then they can clap and cheer at your brilliance.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
If you are driving and you see someone who looks like Danny Glover driving a white car, then it is time to leave town immediately otherwise you will be associated with a very bad smell for many months. The rabbit that runs twice as fast, eats twice as slow. Don't be the rabbit that wins a race but ends up hungry. You have a few personal problems at the moment and you might feel that you should turn to a colleague for advice. But asking a Slug for advice is like stepping into a bath full of kerosene and then lighting a firework.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
A famous sailor once said "You can kiss a mermaid, but you might still die of scurvy"...these words will have special significance for you this week. If you see anybody this week who looks like Eisenhower, you should immediately ask them for the time, but only if their watch is on their right wrist. Try applying for a passport using a false identity. It might not work, you might be arrested, but it might be fun trying.
The Slug July 26th
Things will be mostly crap for you this week, but on the plus side of things, you will already know exactly what this feels like. You might want to take a second look in the mirror at some point this week...just to confirm that you really are that ugly. Life is looking good for you this week...actually, that's not exactly true. More likely, life is looking very bad for you.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
People will tell you that life can have its ups and downs, but they never tell you to watch out for the sideways. You will not meet any world leaders this week. Try to deal with this unsatisfying news by remaining calm and not attacking anyone with a sporting accessory. How many times do you get a Mussel trying to chat you up over a drink and a hot dog? Well this is the week where a Mussel with a point to prove will try to ply you with hot dogs and beer. Just go easy on the mustard!
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Be wise on Thursday, but timid on Friday. You will have an important meeting with your boss this week. Be careful, the wrong choice of shoes will prove disastrous to your career. Hot fudge sauce will be your downfall this week, and the reason for this is that you will believe the foolish advice of a Scallop that you know. Believe me, hot fudge sauce is never the solution to problems in the bedroom.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
There are many things that you would like to try this week. But remember 'do or do not, there is no try'. Something involving the color pink will be on your mind this week and you are not sure if you need a second opinion about what to do. The solution involves getting a second opinion from a friend as to whether you need to get a second opinion. Someone will swear at you this week. You will not be happy, in fact you will be livid. In these scenarios, physical retribution is only fair.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Train yourself to be mentally stronger and reap the rewards. Especially on Friday when a chance meeting with a handsome stranger will allow you to think outside the box. Take heed of the old sailors warning 'If you drown, you die'. When you say meet me at 3:47 pm, you of course mean 'meet me at 3:47 pm'. So when a stupid Slug that you know turns up at 3:49 pm, you are entitled to walk away and never talk to them again.
Sunday, December 10, 2017
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 11th December 2017
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
A ship needs a rudder, a ship needs a captain, and a ship needs appropriate health and safety information. Who is the captain of your ship, and who has their hand on the rudder? And most importantly, do you have a life-jacket? Even a tiny fly can stop a bullet, if its wings are made of steel. However, your wings are more likely to be made of damp cardboard, which might not be so effective. You may want to keep a fellow Clam close to your side on Thursday.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
The number 74 will be a powerful omen for you this Saturday, but only if you are in the possession of some dried fruit. The old sailors motto of 'Kick it. Beat it. Cook it. Eat it.' may have special relevance to you this week when you will be faced with an animal that is in your way. When a Snail and an Octopus get together the results can be hard to predict. So take extra special care on Monday when you will meet an Octopus in an uncomfortable situation (an industrial-strength stain remover might be required).
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Something will be hot this week. It could be you, it could be the weather, or it could be some mustard. The heat will be good, just remember to stay cool. Why do you spend so much time waiting for other people to tell you how great you are. Cut out the middle man and start singing your own praises while looking in the mirror. If you are not in the spotlight this week, then you bloody well should be.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Eggs, or products containing eggs, are best avoided this week. Unless you are certain that they are what you want. You may have heard of the saying 'if you can't beat them, join them', but this is a poor choice in comparison to the original nautical version of this phrase. 'If you can't beat them, then shave their beards off while they sleep'. You may have heard of the question 'How many Limpets does it take to change a light bulb?', but have you heard of the question 'How many Limpets does it take to change a pacemaker?'. You will this week.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
The numbers 6 or 9 (or possibly 28) hold the key to happiness this week. A man connected with the number 42 will potentially have a healing effect on your 'little problem' that's been bothering you. Make like a fox this week and be cunning. Especially when someone is out to deceive you into buying a beef-based product that you really don't need.
The Slug July 26th
Your Slug-like nature will mean that you will suffer twice as much as normal this week when a rival colleague will attempt to literally rub salt into old wounds. Want some advice? Trying to be popular is never going to work. An alternative solution would be to crawl under a large rock and stay there. Romance looms large this week. But not for you unfortunately.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
You may say to others that you like cats, but this will be the week where you will be tested on how much you love cats. Particularly when a certain cat could unlock the secret to the whereabouts of a long-lost family member. Your enemies are plotting against you. Ignore them, what's the worse that could happen? Take extra special care on Friday because your life might be changed forever by a chance encounter with a Clam. The Clam will demand one of the following: money, sex, or citrus fruit. If you can meet their demands, then things will work out well for you. If you can't, then you will spend the rest of your life regretting it.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Are olives really 'the Devil's grape'? This is the week where you will find out. Avoid cheesecake at all costs this week, except on Friday where a small slice of cheesecake will be tolerable (but not if it contains unripened fruit). Eat anything you want this week, but avoid the kung po chicken at all costs.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
You need to get away from the stress that is currently crushing your spirit. A weekend in an isolation chamber will help you focus. If there was ever a week to shut the curtains, stay in bed, and hide under the duvet like a frightened kitten, then this is the week...unless you need to go out. If a Snail tries buying your affections by spending vast amounts on money on you, then don't fall for it. It may make you happy, but happiness is not everything...at least not when the Snail in question has spent time inside for attempted manslaughter.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Is there a door opening up in your life? If so then close it, or at most leave it only slightly ajar. A religious fanatic with a speech impediment will cause you much grief this week. You might be feeling low this week, things might not be going so well for you. There is a silver lining to your cloud of depression though. It could be worse, you could be a Slug.
A ship needs a rudder, a ship needs a captain, and a ship needs appropriate health and safety information. Who is the captain of your ship, and who has their hand on the rudder? And most importantly, do you have a life-jacket? Even a tiny fly can stop a bullet, if its wings are made of steel. However, your wings are more likely to be made of damp cardboard, which might not be so effective. You may want to keep a fellow Clam close to your side on Thursday.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
The number 74 will be a powerful omen for you this Saturday, but only if you are in the possession of some dried fruit. The old sailors motto of 'Kick it. Beat it. Cook it. Eat it.' may have special relevance to you this week when you will be faced with an animal that is in your way. When a Snail and an Octopus get together the results can be hard to predict. So take extra special care on Monday when you will meet an Octopus in an uncomfortable situation (an industrial-strength stain remover might be required).
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Something will be hot this week. It could be you, it could be the weather, or it could be some mustard. The heat will be good, just remember to stay cool. Why do you spend so much time waiting for other people to tell you how great you are. Cut out the middle man and start singing your own praises while looking in the mirror. If you are not in the spotlight this week, then you bloody well should be.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Eggs, or products containing eggs, are best avoided this week. Unless you are certain that they are what you want. You may have heard of the saying 'if you can't beat them, join them', but this is a poor choice in comparison to the original nautical version of this phrase. 'If you can't beat them, then shave their beards off while they sleep'. You may have heard of the question 'How many Limpets does it take to change a light bulb?', but have you heard of the question 'How many Limpets does it take to change a pacemaker?'. You will this week.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
The numbers 6 or 9 (or possibly 28) hold the key to happiness this week. A man connected with the number 42 will potentially have a healing effect on your 'little problem' that's been bothering you. Make like a fox this week and be cunning. Especially when someone is out to deceive you into buying a beef-based product that you really don't need.
The Slug July 26th
Your Slug-like nature will mean that you will suffer twice as much as normal this week when a rival colleague will attempt to literally rub salt into old wounds. Want some advice? Trying to be popular is never going to work. An alternative solution would be to crawl under a large rock and stay there. Romance looms large this week. But not for you unfortunately.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
You may say to others that you like cats, but this will be the week where you will be tested on how much you love cats. Particularly when a certain cat could unlock the secret to the whereabouts of a long-lost family member. Your enemies are plotting against you. Ignore them, what's the worse that could happen? Take extra special care on Friday because your life might be changed forever by a chance encounter with a Clam. The Clam will demand one of the following: money, sex, or citrus fruit. If you can meet their demands, then things will work out well for you. If you can't, then you will spend the rest of your life regretting it.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Are olives really 'the Devil's grape'? This is the week where you will find out. Avoid cheesecake at all costs this week, except on Friday where a small slice of cheesecake will be tolerable (but not if it contains unripened fruit). Eat anything you want this week, but avoid the kung po chicken at all costs.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
You need to get away from the stress that is currently crushing your spirit. A weekend in an isolation chamber will help you focus. If there was ever a week to shut the curtains, stay in bed, and hide under the duvet like a frightened kitten, then this is the week...unless you need to go out. If a Snail tries buying your affections by spending vast amounts on money on you, then don't fall for it. It may make you happy, but happiness is not everything...at least not when the Snail in question has spent time inside for attempted manslaughter.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Is there a door opening up in your life? If so then close it, or at most leave it only slightly ajar. A religious fanatic with a speech impediment will cause you much grief this week. You might be feeling low this week, things might not be going so well for you. There is a silver lining to your cloud of depression though. It could be worse, you could be a Slug.
Sunday, December 3, 2017
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 4th December 2017
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
A famous sailor once said "You can kiss a mermaid, but you might still die of scurvy"...these words will have special significance for you this week. Tell a loved one that you love them this week. Also tell someone you hate that you hate them. Life is all about balance. Beware an advance from a Limpet this week. They will cling to you like an alcoholic clings to a bottle of cheap whiskey.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Big developments will occur in the bedroom this week. Make sure your sheets are clean. Try to spend one day this week in silence. Communicate only with gestures or bodily odors. Think of a beautiful day where you are happy and carefree. Now think of a fat and sweaty Mussel that you know. They will ruin said beautiful day and an unpleasant bout of flatulence will almost certainly be the cause.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
A man connected with the number 35 will potentially have a healing effect on your 'little problem' that's been bothering you. As the old saying goes 'You can hide a shrimp under a shell, but it's still a shrimp, just a shrimp under a shell'. Heed these words this week, especially if you have any run-ins with the police. You are a good Mollusk, you are a trustworthy Mollusk. So why when an Oyster comes calling at your door on Sunday will you be doubting yourself? I don't know. Do you?
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
See a penny, pick it up, and all day long you'll have good luck...or will you??? There is a very old tradition that Sailors used to follow when leaving home before embarking on a long voyage. Urinate on three things that you love, and spit on three things that you hate. Only this will ensure a safe trip. Heed these words before undertaking any business travel this week. Remember, your lips are sealed. If you happened to disclose a certain secret to a certain someone this week, then a certain career (i.e. yours) might be ruined.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
This week you might find yourself inconvenienced in an enclosed space with someone who looks remarkably like Magic Johnson. Does this matter? Only time will tell. If you can get away with it, try to eat everything with a spoon on Tuesday. It will impress a secret admirer. Get together for a Scallop this week if you want to have a fun time that involves an activity that is not yet illegal in all countries.
The Slug July 26th
Your friends talk about you behind your back. Are they pathetic...or are you? You may have heard of the saying "Don't worry, be happy"...well, that doesn't apply to miserable idiots like you. If everything goes to plan this week then you will be a very happy Mollusk indeed. Chance are though, that it will fall to pieces...again!
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Train yourself to be mentally stronger and reap the rewards. Especially on Tuesday when a chance meeting with a handsome stranger will allow you to think outside the box. This is a great week for trying something completely new such as listening to jazz, ballroom dancing, or invading a neighboring country. Does it really count as adultery if you don't tell anyone?
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
It may not make much sense now, but carry an opened umbrella with you on Wednesday (whatever the weather) and you will be thankful that you did. Is there a ray of light at the end of the tunnel? A chance meeting on Saturday with a gynecologist might provide some answers. If someone offers you any food this week, then beware! It might be spiked with pepper. You should no longer trust this person, even if you are married to them.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Dietary choices may be important this week. Consider avoiding foods that are green or yellow in color. Remember the saying: you can squeeze the life out of a kitten, but a kitten can't squeeze the life out of you. Given the choice, you might think that you would have preferred to be born as Isaac Newton, but the reality is that you would end up spending a lot more money on lubrication products.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Even a tiny fly can stop a bullet, if its wings are made of steel. However, your wings are more likely to be made of damp cardboard, which might not be so effective. Don't be surprised when an accidental slip on a calculator this week could lead to a diplomatic incident involving the French Navy. You will see a Barnacle in considerable distress this week. If they are left-handed, you should step in to help, otherwise keep walking.
A famous sailor once said "You can kiss a mermaid, but you might still die of scurvy"...these words will have special significance for you this week. Tell a loved one that you love them this week. Also tell someone you hate that you hate them. Life is all about balance. Beware an advance from a Limpet this week. They will cling to you like an alcoholic clings to a bottle of cheap whiskey.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Big developments will occur in the bedroom this week. Make sure your sheets are clean. Try to spend one day this week in silence. Communicate only with gestures or bodily odors. Think of a beautiful day where you are happy and carefree. Now think of a fat and sweaty Mussel that you know. They will ruin said beautiful day and an unpleasant bout of flatulence will almost certainly be the cause.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
A man connected with the number 35 will potentially have a healing effect on your 'little problem' that's been bothering you. As the old saying goes 'You can hide a shrimp under a shell, but it's still a shrimp, just a shrimp under a shell'. Heed these words this week, especially if you have any run-ins with the police. You are a good Mollusk, you are a trustworthy Mollusk. So why when an Oyster comes calling at your door on Sunday will you be doubting yourself? I don't know. Do you?
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
See a penny, pick it up, and all day long you'll have good luck...or will you??? There is a very old tradition that Sailors used to follow when leaving home before embarking on a long voyage. Urinate on three things that you love, and spit on three things that you hate. Only this will ensure a safe trip. Heed these words before undertaking any business travel this week. Remember, your lips are sealed. If you happened to disclose a certain secret to a certain someone this week, then a certain career (i.e. yours) might be ruined.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
This week you might find yourself inconvenienced in an enclosed space with someone who looks remarkably like Magic Johnson. Does this matter? Only time will tell. If you can get away with it, try to eat everything with a spoon on Tuesday. It will impress a secret admirer. Get together for a Scallop this week if you want to have a fun time that involves an activity that is not yet illegal in all countries.
The Slug July 26th
Your friends talk about you behind your back. Are they pathetic...or are you? You may have heard of the saying "Don't worry, be happy"...well, that doesn't apply to miserable idiots like you. If everything goes to plan this week then you will be a very happy Mollusk indeed. Chance are though, that it will fall to pieces...again!
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Train yourself to be mentally stronger and reap the rewards. Especially on Tuesday when a chance meeting with a handsome stranger will allow you to think outside the box. This is a great week for trying something completely new such as listening to jazz, ballroom dancing, or invading a neighboring country. Does it really count as adultery if you don't tell anyone?
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
It may not make much sense now, but carry an opened umbrella with you on Wednesday (whatever the weather) and you will be thankful that you did. Is there a ray of light at the end of the tunnel? A chance meeting on Saturday with a gynecologist might provide some answers. If someone offers you any food this week, then beware! It might be spiked with pepper. You should no longer trust this person, even if you are married to them.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Dietary choices may be important this week. Consider avoiding foods that are green or yellow in color. Remember the saying: you can squeeze the life out of a kitten, but a kitten can't squeeze the life out of you. Given the choice, you might think that you would have preferred to be born as Isaac Newton, but the reality is that you would end up spending a lot more money on lubrication products.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Even a tiny fly can stop a bullet, if its wings are made of steel. However, your wings are more likely to be made of damp cardboard, which might not be so effective. Don't be surprised when an accidental slip on a calculator this week could lead to a diplomatic incident involving the French Navy. You will see a Barnacle in considerable distress this week. If they are left-handed, you should step in to help, otherwise keep walking.
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