Should you wear pink on Friday? No, but you'll do it anyway because you have no sense of fashion. If you smoke, then this is a good week to give up. If you don't smoke, then maybe this is a good week to try. No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Don't give in to the idiots who are wrong.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
There is no difference between what you can do and what you think you can do. The only difference is in your mind, or what you think is in your mind. The rabbit that runs twice as fast, eats twice as slow. Don't be the rabbit that wins a race but ends up hungry. It is imperative that you find a roller coaster to ride on Saturday. Your life needs some excitement, and if you want an added kick, don't wear the safety harness.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
It's no use gazing at the stars if your feet are stuck in the mud. Clean your boots and get your life moving forward again. A religious fanatic with a speech impediment will cause you much grief this week. Take a trip to your local art gallery and prepare to be moved by an unusual pasta-based sculpture.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Nobody seems to recognize your genius. You are a jumbo shrimp in a sea of Clams. It could be a good time this week to heed the warning 'Clams, fireworks, and alcohol do not mix well'. Remember, your lips are sealed. If you happened to disclose a certain secret to a certain someone this week, then a certain career (i.e. yours) might be ruined.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Do you want to feel like crap every morning? If the answer is no, then try eating walnuts before bedtime. Your weight, or the weight of someone important around you, may become a discussion point this week. Try applying for a passport using a false identity. It might not work, you might be arrested, but it might be fun trying.
The Slug July 26th
In Roman times, ancient mariners had a special word for people who are Slugs. That word translates from the original latin to 'eternal failure'. Did you know that 'Slug' is very nearly an anagram of 'ugly'. This is quite fitting as your grim features are enough to put a dying dog off its food. Romance looms large this week. But not for you unfortunately.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
You have been thinking recently, 'is this the best I can do?'. The answer, sadly, is 'yes'. Travel this week will broaden the mind, but flatten the wallet. Ever hear the joke about the Oyster and the Snail who lived next door to each other. They drove each other to drink. Then they drove each other to hard drugs. Then they became the best of friends and started playing Scrabble together on a regular basis. Let that be a lesson to you (if you live next door to any Snails).
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
If you see anybody this week who looks like Pablo Piccaso, you should immediately ask them for the time, but only if their watch is on their right wrist. If there was ever one week in your life where you should eat cheese, this week is it. If someone offers you any food this week, then beware! It might be spiked with pepper. You should no longer trust this person, even if you are married to them.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Sad. Sad. Sad. Sad. Which one of these will you be this week? Confront your inner demons this week and arrange for an internal exorcism. You know which way is north and that ain't no lie. Use this information to your advantage on Friday when a navigationally-challenged colleague will seek your guidance.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
The current problems with your job are partially due to the monotony that surrounds you. Kick start your career by doing something to shock your colleagues and show them your inner beast. Be wise on Thursday, but timid on Friday. There is a time and a place for everything. This week, that time will more often that not be 8:22 am.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment