Try experiencing the quirkier side of life when you next read a book by only reading the odd-numbered pages. Why do you spend so much time waiting for other people to tell you how great you are. Cut out the middle man and start singing your own praises while looking in the mirror. On a good day, a Barnacle and a Clam can be as an effective a double act as Chevy Chase and Tiger Woods.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Your week will become focused around @day, when the the number 22, the color yellow and someone who has a connection to Chuck Yeager will potentially change your life, or maybe just your bank balance. They say that 'you are what you eat'. But what if you are a cannibal and ate someone famous...would you become that person? If you see a Barnacle this week, you should probably hit them. They are always trouble.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
If you should happen to bump into anyone who looks like Tom Hanks, then this is a good omen. You should immediately go out and rent 'Pretty in Pink' to watch. It will change your life. Why is everyone so keen on cheese these days? You know that steering clear of the yellow stuff is the right thing to do. Why do Squids have that annoying habit of saying something at the most inopportune times. If you are speaking at any event this week where there is an opportunity to ask questions, then avoid fielding any such questions from a Squid.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Nobody seems to recognize your genius. You are a jumbo shrimp in a sea of Clams. This is the week where you will wish that you could be as slippery as an eel in a mud-wrestling contest. Remember, your lips are sealed. If you happened to disclose a certain secret to a certain someone this week, then a certain career (i.e. yours) might be ruined.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Are olives really 'the Devil's grape'? This is the week where you will find out. Fish are a big thing in your life at the moment. Catching fish and eating fish are what you are all about. You might know of a Slug who is in trouble this week. But as they are a Slug, you probably won't want to help them.
The Slug July 26th
There will be good news on Wednesday this week. However, it will turn out to be very bad news by Friday. Hanging out with a Scallop on Thursday might gain you some attention as you bask in the aura of Mr/Mrs Popular. However, they will hate you for this unwanted association and your evening may well end with the threat of extreme physical violence. The sound of thunder will hang over you until you can put a smile on your face. As you are one of the most miserable people around, this may not be easy.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
A ship needs a rudder, a ship needs a captain, and a ship needs appropriate health and safety information. Who is the captain of your ship, and who has their hand on the rudder? And most importantly, do you have a life-jacket? You might be familiar with the saying that 'you cannot buy success', well this might be a good week to try anyway. You will get romantically entangled with an Octopus this week. They will regret it, but the quantities of alcohol involved mean that you won't remember anything so don't worry too much about it.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Computer problems might cause you headaches this week. Best stick to using a pen and paper. If you keep putting it off (and you know what I mean by 'it'), it will never get done. Sort it out this week once and for all. Squids are all around you this week. Try not to get smothered in their tentacles. One Squid in particular will try to make romantic advances towards you. If you can't smell their hideous body odor, then you are a perfect match. If you can, then you are not.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Indecision will be your undoing this week. You will say yes, only to then say no. You say will 'large iced latte' only to change your mind to a 'small Americano'. You will say 'I do' only to then have second thoughts and run out the church. There are many things that you would like to try this week. But remember 'do or do not, there is no try'. Given the choice, you might think that you would have preferred to be born as David Beckham, but the reality is that you would end up spending a lot more money on lubrication products.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Why will the color red be important to you this week? The answer to that question may only be revealed when you end up in a police station or supermarket on Tuesday. It may not make much sense now, but carry an opened umbrella with you on Wednesday (whatever the weather) and you will be thankful that you did. You will see a Barnacle in considerable distress this week. If they are left-handed, you should step in to help, otherwise keep walking.
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