A man connected with the number 79 will potentially have a healing effect on your 'little problem' that's been bothering you. The number 59 will be a powerful omen for you this Thursday, but only if you are in the possession of some dried fruit. Watch out for someone saying 'no' to you this week.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Travel this week will broaden the mind, but flatten the wallet. Wear a smile on this week because you cannot fail* and everything you do will turn out to be magical and rewarding (* = terms and conditions may apply). If you were a shrimp then you would be an outcast among your Mollusk friends. But you are no shrimp, you are a Snail, and don't you ever forget it!
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
You will have an important meeting with your boss this week. Be careful, the wrong choice of shoes will prove disastrous to your career. You may say to others that you like cats, but this will be the week where you will be tested on how much you love cats. Particularly when a certain cat could unlock the secret to the whereabouts of a long-lost family member. A Clam in your immediate family will cause trouble by revealing all about your dark secret involving the hamster.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
As the old saying goes 'You can hide a shrimp under a shell, but it's still a shrimp, just a shrimp under a shell'. Heed these words this week, especially if you have any run-ins with the police. Now is a good time to live life in the fast lane and be daring and bold. Try wearing one less item of clothing than usual. There is an old saying that goes something like this: 'A Clam, a Clam, a Clam! All I need is a Clam...but a Barnacle might be ok as well'. Heed this warning on Monday.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Happiness. Happiness. Happiness. Happiness. Happiness. It's a happy week! Avoid cheesecake at all costs this week, except on Saturday where a small slice of cheesecake will be tolerable (but not if it contains unripened fruit). Limpets, Limpets everywhere, but not a drop of love to spare. Well this might be the case for you on Thursday when a rabid, potentially-drunk Limpet will cause plenty of trouble for you.
The Slug July 26th
Is it possible for everyone you know to violently dislike you? Yes. It is. Things will be mostly crap for you this week, but on the plus side of things, you will already know exactly what this feels like. You can cry, you can weep, you can rant and rage, you can demand attention. You can do all of these things and more, but the bottom line is that maybe you deserve it.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
This week you will be tired. Tired of work. Tired of family and friends. Tired of life. However, you will sleep soundly. It may not make much sense now, but carry an opened umbrella with you on Wednesday (whatever the weather) and you will be thankful that you did. You will get romantically entangled with an Octopus this week. They will regret it, but the quantities of alcohol involved mean that you won't remember anything so don't worry too much about it.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
An accident involving tofu will cause you to dial the emergency services this week. Make sure that you have plenty of warmed milk to hand, and don't worry about the resulting stains. The color green will be very important to you this week. Especially on Thursday, and when connected to the number 84, and if tomato juice is involved, then let's just say that it will be a day to remember. Hot fudge sauce will be your downfall this week, and the reason for this is that you will believe the foolish advice of a Scallop that you know. Believe me, hot fudge sauce is never the solution to problems in the bedroom.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
A ship needs a rudder, a ship needs a captain, and a ship needs appropriate health and safety information. Who is the captain of your ship, and who has their hand on the rudder? And most importantly, do you have a life-jacket? Take a second look at what you are wearing. Your friends think that it is time that you burn your wardrobe. Maybe they are right? When you and a Limpet get together on Thursday, sparks will literally fly. That's what you get when a chance encounter with a welder goes horribly wrong.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
See a penny, pick it up, and all day long you'll have good luck...or will you??? Something about the number 65 will drive you crazy this week. Luckily, the impending failure of your recent investments on Friday will keep your mind occupied. You will see a Barnacle in considerable distress this week. If they are left-handed, you should step in to help, otherwise keep walking.
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