The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Smile like a bumblebee in June, and you will be rewarded for your happiness. You are a genius, only no-one knows it. Maybe you should try telling people. This week, you should heed the old nautical expression 'See a Slug, hear a Slug, smell a Slug, hit a Slug'.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
Eggs, or products containing eggs, are best avoided this week. Unless you are certain that they are what you want. Take a deep breath and think to yourself 'Is this really who I am?'. If the answer is 'no', then be afraid, very afraid. Avoid roller-coasters at all costs on Saturday.
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
This is the week where you will wish that you could be as slippery as an eel in a mud-wrestling contest. Walk faster than the person in front of you if you want to get ahead this week...unless that person is carrying a knife. You've always had two secret role models, but up till now they were so secret you didn't know who they were. Let the truth be revealed, for you secretly covet John F. Kennedy, Jr. and Tiger Woods.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
You can dance this week if you think that kicking up your heels will make you happier. By the way, it won't. On Thursday your week will take a turn for the worse when you attract the (unwanted) attentions of a born-again reincarnationist. They will try to claim you as their soul-mate. You should run away. Remember, your lips are sealed. If you happened to disclose a certain secret to a certain someone this week, then a certain career (i.e. yours) might be ruined.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
Tiredness will knock on your door this week, so be prepared to consume vast amounts of energy drinks. Time to remove the 'us' in fuss and put the 'me' in 'medicate'. You will see a Slug in trouble this week. You will not care. You are the better Mollusk.
The Slug
July 26th
Just give up making any sort of plans this week. They will all fail so best stay in bed. Did you know that 'Slug' is very nearly an anagram of 'ugly'. This is quite fitting as your grim features are enough to put a dying dog off its food. You've been thinking about having some minor cosmetic surgery done, but here's a word of warning...if you polish a turd, it's still a turd.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
There is a very old tradition that Sailors used to follow when leaving home before embarking on a long voyage. Urinate on three things that you love, and spit on three things that you hate. Only this will ensure a safe trip. Heed these words before undertaking any business travel this week. Be wise on Thursday, but timid on Friday. Look yourself in the mirror on Wednesday and say to yourself "I'm an Oyster, an Oyster, an Oyster!". If you don't say this, no-one else will.
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
When you walk this week, take only tiny steps. It may take you longer to get where you going, but Rome wasn't built in a day. A CD will be released this week, a CD that you have been waiting a long time to see. You must never buy this CD. If you buy it, you will become more unpopular than you can possibly imagine. Your sex-life could be greatly improved by judicious use of peanut butter this week. Naturally, 'Crunchy' would be better than 'Smooth'.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
A woman bearing gifts might not be the present-carrying-female that she seems. Be wary if she (if it is a she) tries making you any toast. Mishearing the phrase 'Mass perturbation' will prove your undoing this week. Have your excuses at the ready. You know which way is north and that ain't no lie. Use this information to your advantage on Wednesday when a navigationally-challenged colleague will seek your guidance.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
Belief is the key to your problems this week. Belief in the power of a burning flame. Belief in the strength that can only come from catching three green lights in a row. Belief in the proverb that 'Even a lost penguin will find its way home'. It's time to believe. A sailor that can't sail is not a sailor. Likewise a thinker that can't think is not a thinker. Are you a sailor or a thinker? There is a time and a place for everything. This week, that time will more often that not be 8:22 am.
Sunday, September 25, 2016
Sunday, September 18, 2016
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 19th September 2016
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Tuesday afternoon (about 3:15) is the time for making a big decision about your life. You have been thinking recently, 'is this the best I can do?'. The answer, sadly, is 'yes'. You may want to keep a fellow Clam close to your side on Thursday.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Confront your inner demons this week and arrange for an internal exorcism. You need to get away from the stress that is currently crushing your spirit. A weekend in an isolation chamber will help you focus. On Wednesday, walk into the nearest bar after you have finished work and find a friendly Scallop to talk to. If you do not know anyone there, then so much the better.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Think about what you want, and what you need. Are they the same things? Would you accept a taxi ride if the driver was a monkey? Probably not. So be careful of simian chauffeurs this week. Have you ever slept with a Barnacle and regretted it? If not, then this might be the week to try.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
A trip to the dry-cleaners could provide the impetus you have been looking for to kick-start your business plans. A man connected with the number 60 will bring you joy and a woman connected with the number -4 will bring you great sorrow. Get in a tussle with a Mussel and they will feel the slam of a Clam.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
If you should happen to bump into anyone who looks like Julia Child, then this is a good omen. You should immediately go out and rent 'Pretty in Pink' to watch. It will change your life. Take a second look at what you are wearing. Your friends think that it is time that you burn your wardrobe. Maybe they are right? You will see a Slug in trouble this week. You will not care. You are the better Mollusk.
The Slug July 26th
With such a tragic life, with an existence full of misery, you may think you are a suitable candidate for the Guinness World Record of 'Most miserable life'. Don't think about applying for this record however...you will be rejected. In a week where everything that can go wrong, will go wrong, you just have to accept that this is largely your fault. Remember, things can go only get better...actually for you they can probably still get quite a bit worse.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
See a penny, pick it up, and all day long you'll have good luck...or will you??? There may be times this week when you will wonder if you will ever make it to Friday unscathed. If you survive until Thursday evening, then you will be fine. How many times do you get a Mussel trying to chat you up over a drink and a hot dog? Well this is the week where a Mussel with a point to prove will try to ply you with hot dogs and beer. Just go easy on the mustard!
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Don't do things that you don't want to do, unless you do want to do the things that you think that you don't want to do. You might be familiar with the saying that 'you cannot buy success', well this might be a good week to try anyway. Beware, Clams are plotting against you! And even if they are not actually plotting, they are probably thinking about plotting. And even if they are not thinking, they will be.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Should you find yourself in a casino this week, then the number 4 might be the key to a little financial surprise (the surprise might involve the words 'your credit card is no longer valid' so be careful). If you have a pet llama, then you should try to avoid wearing red on Monday. This may seem an unreasonable request, but you really want the violent and bloody death of an innocent llama on your conscience? You know which way is north and that ain't no lie. Use this information to your advantage on Sunday when a navigationally-challenged colleague will seek your guidance.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
This is a week that is much less about who you are, but much more about who you could be. You are a kitten but you want to be a tiger. Become the tiger! A famous fisherman once noted that while five fish will always feed a family of four, four fish might not feed a family of five. These words will have special meaning for you this week. You will be asked to look after a Limpet this week. That may be a good thing but it may be a bad thing. Be especially careful on Sunday when said Limpet might ask you to do something which could be considered illegal in many countries.
Tuesday afternoon (about 3:15) is the time for making a big decision about your life. You have been thinking recently, 'is this the best I can do?'. The answer, sadly, is 'yes'. You may want to keep a fellow Clam close to your side on Thursday.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Confront your inner demons this week and arrange for an internal exorcism. You need to get away from the stress that is currently crushing your spirit. A weekend in an isolation chamber will help you focus. On Wednesday, walk into the nearest bar after you have finished work and find a friendly Scallop to talk to. If you do not know anyone there, then so much the better.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Think about what you want, and what you need. Are they the same things? Would you accept a taxi ride if the driver was a monkey? Probably not. So be careful of simian chauffeurs this week. Have you ever slept with a Barnacle and regretted it? If not, then this might be the week to try.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
A trip to the dry-cleaners could provide the impetus you have been looking for to kick-start your business plans. A man connected with the number 60 will bring you joy and a woman connected with the number -4 will bring you great sorrow. Get in a tussle with a Mussel and they will feel the slam of a Clam.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
If you should happen to bump into anyone who looks like Julia Child, then this is a good omen. You should immediately go out and rent 'Pretty in Pink' to watch. It will change your life. Take a second look at what you are wearing. Your friends think that it is time that you burn your wardrobe. Maybe they are right? You will see a Slug in trouble this week. You will not care. You are the better Mollusk.
The Slug July 26th
With such a tragic life, with an existence full of misery, you may think you are a suitable candidate for the Guinness World Record of 'Most miserable life'. Don't think about applying for this record however...you will be rejected. In a week where everything that can go wrong, will go wrong, you just have to accept that this is largely your fault. Remember, things can go only get better...actually for you they can probably still get quite a bit worse.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
See a penny, pick it up, and all day long you'll have good luck...or will you??? There may be times this week when you will wonder if you will ever make it to Friday unscathed. If you survive until Thursday evening, then you will be fine. How many times do you get a Mussel trying to chat you up over a drink and a hot dog? Well this is the week where a Mussel with a point to prove will try to ply you with hot dogs and beer. Just go easy on the mustard!
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Don't do things that you don't want to do, unless you do want to do the things that you think that you don't want to do. You might be familiar with the saying that 'you cannot buy success', well this might be a good week to try anyway. Beware, Clams are plotting against you! And even if they are not actually plotting, they are probably thinking about plotting. And even if they are not thinking, they will be.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Should you find yourself in a casino this week, then the number 4 might be the key to a little financial surprise (the surprise might involve the words 'your credit card is no longer valid' so be careful). If you have a pet llama, then you should try to avoid wearing red on Monday. This may seem an unreasonable request, but you really want the violent and bloody death of an innocent llama on your conscience? You know which way is north and that ain't no lie. Use this information to your advantage on Sunday when a navigationally-challenged colleague will seek your guidance.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
This is a week that is much less about who you are, but much more about who you could be. You are a kitten but you want to be a tiger. Become the tiger! A famous fisherman once noted that while five fish will always feed a family of four, four fish might not feed a family of five. These words will have special meaning for you this week. You will be asked to look after a Limpet this week. That may be a good thing but it may be a bad thing. Be especially careful on Sunday when said Limpet might ask you to do something which could be considered illegal in many countries.
Sunday, September 11, 2016
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 12th September 2016
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Take heed of the old sailors warning 'If you drown, you die'. Wedding bells might be ringing this week, but alas these are very, very quiet wedding bells which have had their clappers lined with velvet. You will have to listen very carefully if you want to hear them. This is the time to leap to the aid of a Scallop that you work with. They will not thank you for your actions, they may well come to despise you for what you do, but it still needs to be done.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
There may be times this week when you will wonder if you will ever make it to Friday unscathed. If you survive until Thursday evening, then you will be fine. You might be familiar with the saying that 'you cannot buy success', well this might be a good week to try anyway. This is certainly a week where if you see a Slug, then you should give them a punch on the chin.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
There is a very old tradition that Sailors used to follow when leaving home before embarking on a long voyage. Urinate on three things that you love, and spit on three things that you hate. Only this will ensure a safe trip. Heed these words before undertaking any business travel this week. Take an umbrella with you this week when you go to your 'special' appointment. It won't rain but there will be waterworks. Meet up with an Oyster for a fun time on Sunday.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
This is a good week to set sail on a new voyage of discovery and adventure...unless you are feeling tired, in which case you should stay at home. A cucumber, a pneumatic drill, and a skateboard. Two of these three items will not give you a major headache this week. Remember, your lips are sealed. If you happened to disclose a certain secret to a certain someone this week, then a certain career (i.e. yours) might be ruined.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Take the time to make some sense of what you want to say. And cast your words away upon the waves. Time to remove the 'us' in fuss and put the 'me' in 'medicate'. Throw yourself into the (many) arms of an Octopus this week and you will find out whether what they say about an Octopus in an elevator is true.
The Slug July 26th
This week your colleagues will be trying to heed the words of the old nautical expression 'If you see a Slug, run for your lives'. Remember, things can go only get better...actually for you they can probably still get quite a bit worse. Improve your popularity this week by a) not saying anything to anyone and b) wearing a bag over your head.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
You will not meet any world leaders this week. Try to deal with this unsatisfying news by remaining calm and not attacking anyone with a sporting accessory. A few things to avoid this week if you know what's good for you: cold tea, hot milk, three-legged animals, North Dakota, and books with the word 'fun' in their title. How many times do you get a Mussel trying to chat you up over a drink and a hot dog? Well this is the week where a Mussel with a point to prove will try to ply you with hot dogs and beer. Just go easy on the mustard!
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
An important financial decision could prove disastrous if you fail to properly understand the intricacies of global macro-economics. Enhance your chances of success by relying on the time-tested tradition of flipping a coin. Heads means 'Buy' and tails means 'Sell'. You will see someone this week who looks suspiciously like Valerie Harper. This will have no bearing on your life whatsoever. The best thing you can do to help a Slug in trouble this week is remind them what a failure they are and that you would help, only they will probably be in trouble again next week so why bother?
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Doubt and uncertainty will cloud your thoughts this week. Try listening to a tall person for advice. Eat well this week, but don't eat too little, and don't eat too much. Also avoid the wrong types of food and focus on the right types of food. When you and a Limpet get together on Tuesday, sparks will literally fly. That's what you get when a chance encounter with a welder goes horribly wrong.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
It is written that 'a drunken sailor is a happy sailor', yet it is also written that 'drinking leads to death'. Which one of these sayings do you most believe in? Try experiencing the quirkier side of life when you next read a book by only reading the odd-numbered pages. To be on the safe side, arrive 5 hours early for your special work meeting this week.
Take heed of the old sailors warning 'If you drown, you die'. Wedding bells might be ringing this week, but alas these are very, very quiet wedding bells which have had their clappers lined with velvet. You will have to listen very carefully if you want to hear them. This is the time to leap to the aid of a Scallop that you work with. They will not thank you for your actions, they may well come to despise you for what you do, but it still needs to be done.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
There may be times this week when you will wonder if you will ever make it to Friday unscathed. If you survive until Thursday evening, then you will be fine. You might be familiar with the saying that 'you cannot buy success', well this might be a good week to try anyway. This is certainly a week where if you see a Slug, then you should give them a punch on the chin.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
There is a very old tradition that Sailors used to follow when leaving home before embarking on a long voyage. Urinate on three things that you love, and spit on three things that you hate. Only this will ensure a safe trip. Heed these words before undertaking any business travel this week. Take an umbrella with you this week when you go to your 'special' appointment. It won't rain but there will be waterworks. Meet up with an Oyster for a fun time on Sunday.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
This is a good week to set sail on a new voyage of discovery and adventure...unless you are feeling tired, in which case you should stay at home. A cucumber, a pneumatic drill, and a skateboard. Two of these three items will not give you a major headache this week. Remember, your lips are sealed. If you happened to disclose a certain secret to a certain someone this week, then a certain career (i.e. yours) might be ruined.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Take the time to make some sense of what you want to say. And cast your words away upon the waves. Time to remove the 'us' in fuss and put the 'me' in 'medicate'. Throw yourself into the (many) arms of an Octopus this week and you will find out whether what they say about an Octopus in an elevator is true.
The Slug July 26th
This week your colleagues will be trying to heed the words of the old nautical expression 'If you see a Slug, run for your lives'. Remember, things can go only get better...actually for you they can probably still get quite a bit worse. Improve your popularity this week by a) not saying anything to anyone and b) wearing a bag over your head.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
You will not meet any world leaders this week. Try to deal with this unsatisfying news by remaining calm and not attacking anyone with a sporting accessory. A few things to avoid this week if you know what's good for you: cold tea, hot milk, three-legged animals, North Dakota, and books with the word 'fun' in their title. How many times do you get a Mussel trying to chat you up over a drink and a hot dog? Well this is the week where a Mussel with a point to prove will try to ply you with hot dogs and beer. Just go easy on the mustard!
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
An important financial decision could prove disastrous if you fail to properly understand the intricacies of global macro-economics. Enhance your chances of success by relying on the time-tested tradition of flipping a coin. Heads means 'Buy' and tails means 'Sell'. You will see someone this week who looks suspiciously like Valerie Harper. This will have no bearing on your life whatsoever. The best thing you can do to help a Slug in trouble this week is remind them what a failure they are and that you would help, only they will probably be in trouble again next week so why bother?
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Doubt and uncertainty will cloud your thoughts this week. Try listening to a tall person for advice. Eat well this week, but don't eat too little, and don't eat too much. Also avoid the wrong types of food and focus on the right types of food. When you and a Limpet get together on Tuesday, sparks will literally fly. That's what you get when a chance encounter with a welder goes horribly wrong.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
It is written that 'a drunken sailor is a happy sailor', yet it is also written that 'drinking leads to death'. Which one of these sayings do you most believe in? Try experiencing the quirkier side of life when you next read a book by only reading the odd-numbered pages. To be on the safe side, arrive 5 hours early for your special work meeting this week.
Saturday, September 3, 2016
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 5th September 2016
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Wear a smile on this week because you cannot fail* and everything you do will turn out to be magical and rewarding (* = terms and conditions may apply). The old sailors motto of 'Kick it. Beat it. Cook it. Eat it.' may have special relevance to you this week when you will be faced with an animal that is in your way. Your enemies might tell you that you are not a proper mollusk this week, i.e. that you don't belong in society. Ignore them and you will be more of a mollusk than they could ever be.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
A famous sailor once remarked 'Life is like jumping overboard without knowing how to swim. You will drown. We all drown. Such is life'. Apply this philosophy to your sales presentation on Thursday this week. Even a tiny fly can stop a bullet, if its wings are made of steel. However, your wings are more likely to be made of damp cardboard, which might not be so effective. On Tuesday, walk into the nearest bar after you have finished work and find a friendly Scallop to talk to. If you do not know anyone there, then so much the better.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
The rabbit that runs twice as fast, eats twice as slow. Don't be the rabbit that wins a race but ends up hungry. Why is everyone so keen on cheese these days? You know that steering clear of the yellow stuff is the right thing to do. Get your creative juices flowing and write a poem about your favorite cheese.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Try to spend one day this week in silence. Communicate only with gestures or bodily odors. If you ever wanted to place a bet on a big race, then this is the week. A horse whose name begins with the letter G will win big. You have a few personal problems at the moment and you might feel that you should turn to a colleague for advice. But asking a Slug for advice is like stepping into a bath full of kerosene and then lighting a firework.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
You've set your sights high this week, but as the Chinese proverb warns us 'rain always dampens an egg buried in the ground'. Wedding bells might be ringing this week, but alas these are very, very quiet wedding bells which have had their clappers lined with velvet. You will have to listen very carefully if you want to hear them. Throw yourself into the (many) arms of an Octopus this week and you will find out whether what they say about an Octopus in an elevator is true.
The Slug July 26th
Do you remember that when you were young, that your parents said 'When you grow up, you have the potential to do anything you want to in life'? They were lying. You only have the potential to be a failure. Now is not the time to shed a tear. Now is the time to weep uncontrollably. The person that you have a secret crush on does not feel the same way about you. If they knew how you truly felt, then they would probably be violently ill.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Embarrassment will loom rather large in your life this week as you are very likely to catch your boss in a somewhat compromising situation involving a small animal and some rubber tubing. There is no difference between what you can do and what you think you can do. The only difference is in your mind, or what you think is in your mind. Ever get stuck in an elevator with a Barnacle? Well be prepared for that eventuality on Monday. Also be prepared for a very bad body odor problem.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
The color white will be very important to you this week. Especially on Tuesday, and when connected to the number 58, and if tomato juice is involved, then let's just say that it will be a day to remember. The number 95 will be a powerful omen for you this Thursday, but only if you are in the possession of some dried fruit. You might find it useful to spend some this week in the company of seagulls. Just make sure you wear appropriate headwear.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
If you start reading a new book this week, but skip over every seventh page, it will lead to an unsatisfying conclusion but you will get the book read that much faster. You think that someone is out to get you, you think that they want to see you squashed like a bug. You are wrong. They are wrong. Everyone is wrong. If a Snail tries buying your affections by spending vast amounts on money on you, then don't fall for it. It may make you happy, but happiness is not everything...at least not when the Snail in question has spent time inside for attempted manslaughter.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Indecision will be your undoing this week. You will say yes, only to then say no. You say will 'large iced latte' only to change your mind to a 'small Americano'. You will say 'I do' only to then have second thoughts and run out the church. This is a great week for trying something completely new such as listening to jazz, ballroom dancing, or invading a neighboring country. Tick tock, someone will be running late for a meeting with you. They are lazy fools.
Wear a smile on this week because you cannot fail* and everything you do will turn out to be magical and rewarding (* = terms and conditions may apply). The old sailors motto of 'Kick it. Beat it. Cook it. Eat it.' may have special relevance to you this week when you will be faced with an animal that is in your way. Your enemies might tell you that you are not a proper mollusk this week, i.e. that you don't belong in society. Ignore them and you will be more of a mollusk than they could ever be.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
A famous sailor once remarked 'Life is like jumping overboard without knowing how to swim. You will drown. We all drown. Such is life'. Apply this philosophy to your sales presentation on Thursday this week. Even a tiny fly can stop a bullet, if its wings are made of steel. However, your wings are more likely to be made of damp cardboard, which might not be so effective. On Tuesday, walk into the nearest bar after you have finished work and find a friendly Scallop to talk to. If you do not know anyone there, then so much the better.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
The rabbit that runs twice as fast, eats twice as slow. Don't be the rabbit that wins a race but ends up hungry. Why is everyone so keen on cheese these days? You know that steering clear of the yellow stuff is the right thing to do. Get your creative juices flowing and write a poem about your favorite cheese.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Try to spend one day this week in silence. Communicate only with gestures or bodily odors. If you ever wanted to place a bet on a big race, then this is the week. A horse whose name begins with the letter G will win big. You have a few personal problems at the moment and you might feel that you should turn to a colleague for advice. But asking a Slug for advice is like stepping into a bath full of kerosene and then lighting a firework.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
You've set your sights high this week, but as the Chinese proverb warns us 'rain always dampens an egg buried in the ground'. Wedding bells might be ringing this week, but alas these are very, very quiet wedding bells which have had their clappers lined with velvet. You will have to listen very carefully if you want to hear them. Throw yourself into the (many) arms of an Octopus this week and you will find out whether what they say about an Octopus in an elevator is true.
The Slug July 26th
Do you remember that when you were young, that your parents said 'When you grow up, you have the potential to do anything you want to in life'? They were lying. You only have the potential to be a failure. Now is not the time to shed a tear. Now is the time to weep uncontrollably. The person that you have a secret crush on does not feel the same way about you. If they knew how you truly felt, then they would probably be violently ill.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Embarrassment will loom rather large in your life this week as you are very likely to catch your boss in a somewhat compromising situation involving a small animal and some rubber tubing. There is no difference between what you can do and what you think you can do. The only difference is in your mind, or what you think is in your mind. Ever get stuck in an elevator with a Barnacle? Well be prepared for that eventuality on Monday. Also be prepared for a very bad body odor problem.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
The color white will be very important to you this week. Especially on Tuesday, and when connected to the number 58, and if tomato juice is involved, then let's just say that it will be a day to remember. The number 95 will be a powerful omen for you this Thursday, but only if you are in the possession of some dried fruit. You might find it useful to spend some this week in the company of seagulls. Just make sure you wear appropriate headwear.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
If you start reading a new book this week, but skip over every seventh page, it will lead to an unsatisfying conclusion but you will get the book read that much faster. You think that someone is out to get you, you think that they want to see you squashed like a bug. You are wrong. They are wrong. Everyone is wrong. If a Snail tries buying your affections by spending vast amounts on money on you, then don't fall for it. It may make you happy, but happiness is not everything...at least not when the Snail in question has spent time inside for attempted manslaughter.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Indecision will be your undoing this week. You will say yes, only to then say no. You say will 'large iced latte' only to change your mind to a 'small Americano'. You will say 'I do' only to then have second thoughts and run out the church. This is a great week for trying something completely new such as listening to jazz, ballroom dancing, or invading a neighboring country. Tick tock, someone will be running late for a meeting with you. They are lazy fools.
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