The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
As the old saying goes 'You can hide a shrimp under a shell, but it's still a shrimp, just a shrimp under a shell'. Heed these words this week, especially if you have any run-ins with the police. You work hard but seem to get no reward for your effort. Perhaps this week, you will get effort for your reward. You may want to keep a fellow Clam close to your side on Tuesday.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
Why do you spend so much time waiting for other people to tell you how great you are. Cut out the middle man and start singing your own praises while looking in the mirror. People will tell you that life can have its ups and downs, but they never tell you to watch out for the sideways. When a Snail and an Oyster meet, it is a bit like finding a dead animal in your washing machine. However much you try, the smell just won't go away.
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
Ignite your enthusiasm this week by planning a trip, but avoid buses, trains, and planes as these might bring you danger. If you keep putting it off (and you know what I mean by 'it'), it will never get done. Sort it out this week once and for all. Get your friends to form a circle around you, then they can clap and cheer at your brilliance.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
Do you go for the unhealthy burger or the healthy salad? This is the type of question that will plague you this week. The solution is to go for neither, and instead choose the poached quails eggs. If they don't have quails eggs then I guess you will go hungry. You think that someone is out to get you, you think that they want to see you squashed like a bug. You are wrong. They are wrong. Everyone is wrong. A Squid in need is a Squid indeed. This is the week to hang out with your Squid buddy and see what pops out of the toaster.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
Love is all around you this week. You will feel it in your fingers. You will feel it in your toes. A man connected with the number 81 will potentially have a healing effect on your 'little problem' that's been bothering you. You might know of a Slug who is in trouble this week. But as they are a Slug, you probably won't want to help them.
The Slug
July 26th
Life is looking good for you this week...actually, that's not exactly true. More likely, life is looking very bad for you. With such a tragic life, with an existence full of misery, you may think you are a suitable candidate for the Guinness World Record of 'Most miserable life'. Don't think about applying for this record however...you will be rejected. Your miserable existence will take a further turn for the worse this week, so be prepared to sink to new lows.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
Try to look forward to the future this week, but still keep one eye looking over your shoulder as the past may catch you up and spit in your eye. It may not make much sense now, but carry an opened umbrella with you on Wednesday (whatever the weather) and you will be thankful that you did. Invite a Squid over this week for some mollusk-on-mollusk action.
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
Travel this week will broaden the mind, but flatten the wallet. You will have an important meeting with your boss this week. Be careful, the wrong choice of shoes will prove disastrous to your career. Take a Scallop and a Snail. Two very similar Mollusks who are also so entirely different. On Tuesday you will find out just how similar or different you are when you will be inadvertently stuck in a toilet cubicle with said Snail.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
Think of all the great things that might happen to you this week. They may never happen, but at least you're thinking about them. An accident involving tofu will cause you to dial the emergency services this week. Make sure that you have plenty of warmed milk to hand, and don't worry about the resulting stains. Someone will swear at you this week. You will not be happy, in fact you will be livid. In these scenarios, physical retribution is only fair.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Sad. Sad. Sad. Sad. Which one of these will you be this week? A few things to avoid this week if you know what's good for you: cold tea, hot milk, three-legged animals, North Dakota, and books with the word 'fun' in their title. Tick tock, someone will be running late for a meeting with you. They are lazy fools.
Monday, March 27, 2017
Sunday, March 19, 2017
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 20th March 2017
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
The old sailors motto of 'Kick it. Beat it. Cook it. Eat it.' may have special relevance to you this week when you will be faced with an animal that is in your way. Take a deep breath and think to yourself 'Is this really who I am?'. If the answer is 'no', then be afraid, very afraid. No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Don't give in to the idiots who are wrong.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
You will breathe more deeply this week when things that you want appear on the horizon, in a shimmering cloud. Eat, drink, and be merry. But not if you are driving or are a recovering alcoholic. In which case you should just eat. On Friday, walk into the nearest bar after you have finished work and find a friendly Scallop to talk to. If you do not know anyone there, then so much the better.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Are you a lion or a mouse? Now is the time to nail your colors to the flag and decide whether you can squeak or roar. When you walk this week, take only tiny steps. It may take you longer to get where you going, but Rome wasn't built in a day. You've always had two secret role models, but up till now they were so secret you didn't know who they were. Let the truth be revealed, for you secretly covet Roy Rogers and Tiger Woods.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
A religious fanatic with a speech impediment will cause you much grief this week. Spend more time not talking to people and your silence will be rewarded. Hook up with an Octopus on Wednesday if you want to see a good time that doesn't involve ambulances.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Put some distance between you and a rival. At least 31 feet, but no more than a mile. Up for a challenge? Then remove all of the labels from any tins in your house. Meal times will then have an element of surprise and danger about them. This might be a very important week for your career, especially if you carry a jar of mustard with you everywhere you go.
The Slug July 26th
You will be followed about by a bad smell everywhere that you go this week. This is not much of a mystery, the smell is you. Romance looms large this week. But not for you unfortunately. You can cry, you can weep, you can rant and rage, you can demand attention. You can do all of these things and more, but the bottom line is that maybe you deserve it.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
If you make an appointment on Wednesday then it will be cancelled, delayed or postponed. The trick will therefore be to make the appointment for a day that you can't make. A sailor that can't sail is not a sailor. Likewise a thinker that can't think is not a thinker. Are you a sailor or a thinker? You will fall in love with a Squid on 6:45 am on Tuesday. By 7:15 you will realize that actually they are quite repulsive.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
They say that 'you are what you eat'. But what if you are a cannibal and ate someone famous...would you become that person? This might be the sort of crazy week where you should try to do the exact opposite of what everyone tries to tell you to do. One exception to this would be if anyone tells you to do the opposite of what you would normally do. Take a Scallop and a Snail. Two very similar Mollusks who are also so entirely different. On Monday you will find out just how similar or different you are when you will be inadvertently stuck in a toilet cubicle with said Snail.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
If there was ever one week in your life where you should eat cheese, this week is it. The question everyone will be asking this week is 'are you Walt Disney in disguise?'. No, I don't know what this means either. You know which way is north and that ain't no lie. Use this information to your advantage on Thursday when a navigationally-challenged colleague will seek your guidance.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Life is good at the moment, so be careful not to ruin it all becoming addicted to gambling. Should you find yourself in a casino this week, then the number 20 might be the key to a little financial surprise (the surprise might involve the words 'your credit card is no longer valid' so be careful). When you say meet me at 3:47 pm, you of course mean 'meet me at 3:47 pm'. So when a stupid Slug that you know turns up at 3:49 pm, you are entitled to walk away and never talk to them again.
The old sailors motto of 'Kick it. Beat it. Cook it. Eat it.' may have special relevance to you this week when you will be faced with an animal that is in your way. Take a deep breath and think to yourself 'Is this really who I am?'. If the answer is 'no', then be afraid, very afraid. No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Don't give in to the idiots who are wrong.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
You will breathe more deeply this week when things that you want appear on the horizon, in a shimmering cloud. Eat, drink, and be merry. But not if you are driving or are a recovering alcoholic. In which case you should just eat. On Friday, walk into the nearest bar after you have finished work and find a friendly Scallop to talk to. If you do not know anyone there, then so much the better.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Are you a lion or a mouse? Now is the time to nail your colors to the flag and decide whether you can squeak or roar. When you walk this week, take only tiny steps. It may take you longer to get where you going, but Rome wasn't built in a day. You've always had two secret role models, but up till now they were so secret you didn't know who they were. Let the truth be revealed, for you secretly covet Roy Rogers and Tiger Woods.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
A religious fanatic with a speech impediment will cause you much grief this week. Spend more time not talking to people and your silence will be rewarded. Hook up with an Octopus on Wednesday if you want to see a good time that doesn't involve ambulances.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Put some distance between you and a rival. At least 31 feet, but no more than a mile. Up for a challenge? Then remove all of the labels from any tins in your house. Meal times will then have an element of surprise and danger about them. This might be a very important week for your career, especially if you carry a jar of mustard with you everywhere you go.
The Slug July 26th
You will be followed about by a bad smell everywhere that you go this week. This is not much of a mystery, the smell is you. Romance looms large this week. But not for you unfortunately. You can cry, you can weep, you can rant and rage, you can demand attention. You can do all of these things and more, but the bottom line is that maybe you deserve it.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
If you make an appointment on Wednesday then it will be cancelled, delayed or postponed. The trick will therefore be to make the appointment for a day that you can't make. A sailor that can't sail is not a sailor. Likewise a thinker that can't think is not a thinker. Are you a sailor or a thinker? You will fall in love with a Squid on 6:45 am on Tuesday. By 7:15 you will realize that actually they are quite repulsive.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
They say that 'you are what you eat'. But what if you are a cannibal and ate someone famous...would you become that person? This might be the sort of crazy week where you should try to do the exact opposite of what everyone tries to tell you to do. One exception to this would be if anyone tells you to do the opposite of what you would normally do. Take a Scallop and a Snail. Two very similar Mollusks who are also so entirely different. On Monday you will find out just how similar or different you are when you will be inadvertently stuck in a toilet cubicle with said Snail.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
If there was ever one week in your life where you should eat cheese, this week is it. The question everyone will be asking this week is 'are you Walt Disney in disguise?'. No, I don't know what this means either. You know which way is north and that ain't no lie. Use this information to your advantage on Thursday when a navigationally-challenged colleague will seek your guidance.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Life is good at the moment, so be careful not to ruin it all becoming addicted to gambling. Should you find yourself in a casino this week, then the number 20 might be the key to a little financial surprise (the surprise might involve the words 'your credit card is no longer valid' so be careful). When you say meet me at 3:47 pm, you of course mean 'meet me at 3:47 pm'. So when a stupid Slug that you know turns up at 3:49 pm, you are entitled to walk away and never talk to them again.
Sunday, March 12, 2017
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 13th March 2017
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Embarrassment will loom rather large in your life this week as you are very likely to catch your boss in a somewhat compromising situation involving a small animal and some rubber tubing. If there was ever a week to shut the curtains, stay in bed, and hide under the duvet like a frightened kitten, then this is the week...unless you need to go out. Your romantic advances towards a business colleague will suffer a setback on Sunday. You will soon get over rejection from this idiot. Especially, as you are still in possession of certain compromising pictures of them using a vacuum cleaner in an 'unnatural' manner.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
The old sailors motto of 'Kick it. Beat it. Cook it. Eat it.' may have special relevance to you this week when you will be faced with an animal that is in your way. Is there a door opening up in your life? If so then close it, or at most leave it only slightly ajar. You know a Clam who deserves to be punched...twice!
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
A sailor that can't sail is not a sailor. Likewise a thinker that can't think is not a thinker. Are you a sailor or a thinker? A friend in need is a friend indeed...except when they cheat on you behind your back. Keep a careful eye out on those that call themselves your 'friends'. Sometimes you will try hard to avoid them, you will try your best to pass them by in the street or workplace. But on Saturday there is no escape. You will have to go toe-to-toe with an Octopus. Make sure you have an adequate supply of breath mints.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
See a penny, pick it up, and all day long you'll have good luck...or will you??? Sexual tensions will be further inflamed this week by an inappropriate use of office stationary. You may have heard of the question 'How many Limpets does it take to change a light bulb?', but have you heard of the question 'How many Limpets does it take to change a pacemaker?'. You will this week.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Numbers will prove problematic for you this week. It could be a birthday or other important date, or it could be the lottery. Step wisely when choosing any number. Make sure that you heed the old maritime warning this week: "When whales swim in threes, flatulence comes for thee". If you have to lie about your age, height, weight, or gender this week, then it's probably for the best.
The Slug July 26th
You will receive a call this week with fantastic news about a possible love interest. Unfortunately, it will be a wrong number. If everything goes to plan this week then you will be a very happy Mollusk indeed. Chance are though, that it will fall to pieces...again! You will go to an auction on Sunday. You will pay too much for something that you won't be able to sell and which you will take an instant disliking too the moment after you buy it. You are an idiot.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Allergies might prove bothersome this week, especially if you work on a farm or are allergic to milk. Even when everything is going wrong, and it will go wrong this week, just be thankful that you're not Albert Einstein, Do you know a Limpet? Do you want to know a Limpet? If the answer is yes, then on Saturday night make your way to where the cool people go. And take lots of loose change with you.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Don't look behind you, instead concentrate on what lies ahead. The road that takes you on the longest path is the road that will not take you on the shortest path. Should you wear white on Thursday? No, but you'll do it anyway because you have no sense of fashion. Your sex-life could be greatly improved by judicious use of peanut butter this week. Naturally, 'Crunchy' would be better than 'Smooth'.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Something will be hot this week. It could be you, it could be the weather, or it could be some mustard. The heat will be good, just remember to stay cool. Travel this week will broaden the mind, but flatten the wallet. If you hear just one more person swear within a 20-foot radius of you, then it is time to tear up the map and get out of this town.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
This might be the sort of crazy week where you should try to do the exact opposite of what everyone tries to tell you to do. One exception to this would be if anyone tells you to do the opposite of what you would normally do. The question everyone will be asking this week is 'are you Michelle Bachman in disguise?'. No, I don't know what this means either. You might get some advice about this week from a Scallop about which orifice is most suitable for a particular pursuit that you might try on Friday. Please get a second opinion from someone else before you embark on said pursuit.
Embarrassment will loom rather large in your life this week as you are very likely to catch your boss in a somewhat compromising situation involving a small animal and some rubber tubing. If there was ever a week to shut the curtains, stay in bed, and hide under the duvet like a frightened kitten, then this is the week...unless you need to go out. Your romantic advances towards a business colleague will suffer a setback on Sunday. You will soon get over rejection from this idiot. Especially, as you are still in possession of certain compromising pictures of them using a vacuum cleaner in an 'unnatural' manner.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
The old sailors motto of 'Kick it. Beat it. Cook it. Eat it.' may have special relevance to you this week when you will be faced with an animal that is in your way. Is there a door opening up in your life? If so then close it, or at most leave it only slightly ajar. You know a Clam who deserves to be punched...twice!
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
A sailor that can't sail is not a sailor. Likewise a thinker that can't think is not a thinker. Are you a sailor or a thinker? A friend in need is a friend indeed...except when they cheat on you behind your back. Keep a careful eye out on those that call themselves your 'friends'. Sometimes you will try hard to avoid them, you will try your best to pass them by in the street or workplace. But on Saturday there is no escape. You will have to go toe-to-toe with an Octopus. Make sure you have an adequate supply of breath mints.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
See a penny, pick it up, and all day long you'll have good luck...or will you??? Sexual tensions will be further inflamed this week by an inappropriate use of office stationary. You may have heard of the question 'How many Limpets does it take to change a light bulb?', but have you heard of the question 'How many Limpets does it take to change a pacemaker?'. You will this week.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Numbers will prove problematic for you this week. It could be a birthday or other important date, or it could be the lottery. Step wisely when choosing any number. Make sure that you heed the old maritime warning this week: "When whales swim in threes, flatulence comes for thee". If you have to lie about your age, height, weight, or gender this week, then it's probably for the best.
The Slug July 26th
You will receive a call this week with fantastic news about a possible love interest. Unfortunately, it will be a wrong number. If everything goes to plan this week then you will be a very happy Mollusk indeed. Chance are though, that it will fall to pieces...again! You will go to an auction on Sunday. You will pay too much for something that you won't be able to sell and which you will take an instant disliking too the moment after you buy it. You are an idiot.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Allergies might prove bothersome this week, especially if you work on a farm or are allergic to milk. Even when everything is going wrong, and it will go wrong this week, just be thankful that you're not Albert Einstein, Do you know a Limpet? Do you want to know a Limpet? If the answer is yes, then on Saturday night make your way to where the cool people go. And take lots of loose change with you.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Don't look behind you, instead concentrate on what lies ahead. The road that takes you on the longest path is the road that will not take you on the shortest path. Should you wear white on Thursday? No, but you'll do it anyway because you have no sense of fashion. Your sex-life could be greatly improved by judicious use of peanut butter this week. Naturally, 'Crunchy' would be better than 'Smooth'.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Something will be hot this week. It could be you, it could be the weather, or it could be some mustard. The heat will be good, just remember to stay cool. Travel this week will broaden the mind, but flatten the wallet. If you hear just one more person swear within a 20-foot radius of you, then it is time to tear up the map and get out of this town.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
This might be the sort of crazy week where you should try to do the exact opposite of what everyone tries to tell you to do. One exception to this would be if anyone tells you to do the opposite of what you would normally do. The question everyone will be asking this week is 'are you Michelle Bachman in disguise?'. No, I don't know what this means either. You might get some advice about this week from a Scallop about which orifice is most suitable for a particular pursuit that you might try on Friday. Please get a second opinion from someone else before you embark on said pursuit.
Sunday, March 5, 2017
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 6th March 2017
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
A pet or other animal that is close to you will cause problems this week. Avoid all animals if possible. If you ever wanted to place a bet on a big race, then this is the week. A horse whose name begins with the letter G will win big. Your romantic advances towards a business colleague will suffer a setback on Wednesday. You will soon get over rejection from this idiot. Especially, as you are still in possession of certain compromising pictures of them using a vacuum cleaner in an 'unnatural' manner.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
A trip to the dry-cleaners could provide the impetus you have been looking for to kick-start your business plans. A few things to avoid this week if you know what's good for you: cold tea, hot milk, three-legged animals, North Dakota, and books with the word 'fun' in their title. A Limpet you know well, a new carpet, and a weak bladder will combine with tragic consequences this week.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
A foreign fish will play an exciting role in your life this week. A famous fisherman once noted that while five fish will always feed a family of four, four fish might not feed a family of five. These words will have special meaning for you this week. You will bump into a Mussel on Tuesday. They will not know you, and you will not know them. You will not talk to them, and they will not talk to you. But it is a meeting of profound importance to your life and career.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
As the old saying goes 'You can hide a shrimp under a shell, but it's still a shrimp, just a shrimp under a shell'. Heed these words this week, especially if you have any run-ins with the police. Are you a lion or a mouse? Now is the time to nail your colors to the flag and decide whether you can squeak or roar. You may have heard the old sailor's expression 'you can never fail with a Snail'...but you do know that there is an exception to every rule right? Walk very carefully on Thursday when said Snail will try to take you somewhere that a Clam should never go.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Be careful not to overexert yourself in the kitchen this week. Remember, too many broths spoil the cook. If you can get away with it, try to eat everything with a spoon on Tuesday. It will impress a secret admirer. You might know of a Slug who is in trouble this week. But as they are a Slug, you probably won't want to help them.
The Slug July 26th
You have tried so hard, and accomplished so little. Now is the time to give up. You will receive a call this week with fantastic news about a possible love interest. Unfortunately, it will be a wrong number. Your miserable existence will take a further turn for the worse this week, so be prepared to sink to new lows.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
If you see anybody this week who looks like Pablo Piccaso, you should immediately ask them for the time, but only if their watch is on their right wrist. You want what you cannot have. You have what you no longer want. Such is life. You will get romantically entangled with an Octopus this week. They will regret it, but the quantities of alcohol involved mean that you won't remember anything so don't worry too much about it.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Time to remove the 'us' in fuss and put the 'me' in 'medicate'. If you have a cat, then consider also getting a dog. If you have a dog, then consider getting a cat. If you already have a cat and a dog, then have you ever thought about owning a moose? A Clam that you know will try to kill you this week. Well maybe they are just plotting the act at this stage. Actually, they might only be thinking about it. On second thoughts, it's more of a vague intention. So don't worry about it too much. Just be careful around them if they are holding any sharp objects.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
If you make an appointment on Sunday then it will be cancelled, delayed or postponed. The trick will therefore be to make the appointment for a day that you can't make. Indecision will be your undoing this week. You will say yes, only to then say no. You say will 'large iced latte' only to change your mind to a 'small Americano'. You will say 'I do' only to then have second thoughts and run out the church. When a Squid and an Octopus meet it's full-on tentacle action. So if you are out and about on Thursday, then make sure you take enough moisturizer.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork. The more you finish, the more just keeps piling up on your desk. The solution to your office stress is to buy a box of matches...the rest will become obvious. Eggs, or products containing eggs, are best avoided this week. Unless you are certain that they are what you want. Remember, it is always better to arrive early. Arriving late is a sign of a drunken loser.
A pet or other animal that is close to you will cause problems this week. Avoid all animals if possible. If you ever wanted to place a bet on a big race, then this is the week. A horse whose name begins with the letter G will win big. Your romantic advances towards a business colleague will suffer a setback on Wednesday. You will soon get over rejection from this idiot. Especially, as you are still in possession of certain compromising pictures of them using a vacuum cleaner in an 'unnatural' manner.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
A trip to the dry-cleaners could provide the impetus you have been looking for to kick-start your business plans. A few things to avoid this week if you know what's good for you: cold tea, hot milk, three-legged animals, North Dakota, and books with the word 'fun' in their title. A Limpet you know well, a new carpet, and a weak bladder will combine with tragic consequences this week.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
A foreign fish will play an exciting role in your life this week. A famous fisherman once noted that while five fish will always feed a family of four, four fish might not feed a family of five. These words will have special meaning for you this week. You will bump into a Mussel on Tuesday. They will not know you, and you will not know them. You will not talk to them, and they will not talk to you. But it is a meeting of profound importance to your life and career.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
As the old saying goes 'You can hide a shrimp under a shell, but it's still a shrimp, just a shrimp under a shell'. Heed these words this week, especially if you have any run-ins with the police. Are you a lion or a mouse? Now is the time to nail your colors to the flag and decide whether you can squeak or roar. You may have heard the old sailor's expression 'you can never fail with a Snail'...but you do know that there is an exception to every rule right? Walk very carefully on Thursday when said Snail will try to take you somewhere that a Clam should never go.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Be careful not to overexert yourself in the kitchen this week. Remember, too many broths spoil the cook. If you can get away with it, try to eat everything with a spoon on Tuesday. It will impress a secret admirer. You might know of a Slug who is in trouble this week. But as they are a Slug, you probably won't want to help them.
The Slug July 26th
You have tried so hard, and accomplished so little. Now is the time to give up. You will receive a call this week with fantastic news about a possible love interest. Unfortunately, it will be a wrong number. Your miserable existence will take a further turn for the worse this week, so be prepared to sink to new lows.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
If you see anybody this week who looks like Pablo Piccaso, you should immediately ask them for the time, but only if their watch is on their right wrist. You want what you cannot have. You have what you no longer want. Such is life. You will get romantically entangled with an Octopus this week. They will regret it, but the quantities of alcohol involved mean that you won't remember anything so don't worry too much about it.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Time to remove the 'us' in fuss and put the 'me' in 'medicate'. If you have a cat, then consider also getting a dog. If you have a dog, then consider getting a cat. If you already have a cat and a dog, then have you ever thought about owning a moose? A Clam that you know will try to kill you this week. Well maybe they are just plotting the act at this stage. Actually, they might only be thinking about it. On second thoughts, it's more of a vague intention. So don't worry about it too much. Just be careful around them if they are holding any sharp objects.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
If you make an appointment on Sunday then it will be cancelled, delayed or postponed. The trick will therefore be to make the appointment for a day that you can't make. Indecision will be your undoing this week. You will say yes, only to then say no. You say will 'large iced latte' only to change your mind to a 'small Americano'. You will say 'I do' only to then have second thoughts and run out the church. When a Squid and an Octopus meet it's full-on tentacle action. So if you are out and about on Thursday, then make sure you take enough moisturizer.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork. The more you finish, the more just keeps piling up on your desk. The solution to your office stress is to buy a box of matches...the rest will become obvious. Eggs, or products containing eggs, are best avoided this week. Unless you are certain that they are what you want. Remember, it is always better to arrive early. Arriving late is a sign of a drunken loser.
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