The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Try to spend one day this week in silence. Communicate only with gestures or bodily odors. Up, up, up, up, up, up! That's the direction your life will be heading in this week (terms and conditions may apply). No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Don't give in to the idiots who are wrong.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
A man connected with the number 35 will bring you joy and a woman connected with the number -4 will bring you great sorrow. Should you find yourself in a casino this week, then the number 15 might be the key to a little financial surprise (the surprise might involve the words 'your credit card is no longer valid' so be careful). When a Snail and an Oyster meet, it is a bit like finding a dead animal in your washing machine. However much you try, the smell just won't go away.
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
Something will be hot this week. It could be you, it could be the weather, or it could be some mustard. The heat will be good, just remember to stay cool. Think of all the great things that might happen to you this week. They may never happen, but at least you're thinking about them. 'Slow-but-steady' may be the motto of your so-called Snail 'friend'. But what if they are speeding around with you partner behind your back? Don't be heartbroken, just think of how much money they have and then think about that good old word 'blackmail'.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
An important financial decision could prove disastrous if you fail to properly understand the intricacies of global macro-economics. Enhance your chances of success by relying on the time-tested tradition of flipping a coin. Heads means 'Buy' and tails means 'Sell'. It's no use gazing at the stars if your feet are stuck in the mud. Clean your boots and get your life moving forward again. You may have heard of the question 'How many Limpets does it take to change a light bulb?', but have you heard of the question 'How many Limpets does it take to change a pacemaker?'. You will this week.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
The next time that you play poker, you should bet everything you have whenever you see a two and fold whenever you see an ace. This might not actually help you that much but it will keep everybody else on their toes. A man connected with the number 33 will potentially have a healing effect on your 'little problem' that's been bothering you. Invite a Clam to dinner this week on Wednesday. This will be the one day that they can't make, so easy brownie points for you!
The Slug
July 26th
Now is not the time to shed a tear. Now is the time to weep uncontrollably. In your hour of need, an Oyster that you know will have all the answers to your problems this week. However, they are not going to tell you any of the answers. Your friends will gather closely around you this week, so please take steps to lessen your foul odor.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
Something about the number 93 will drive you crazy this week. Luckily, the impending failure of your recent investments on Saturday will keep your mind occupied. If you see anybody this week who looks like Susan B. Anthony, you should immediately ask them for the time, but only if their watch is on their right wrist. On Tuesday, your day will be swiftly ruined by an odious Slug that you know. You can't prevent what they are going to do, the only thing you can do is feel a small degree of satisfaction when you sue them for every penny they've got.
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
The ship of your dreams is sailing down the river of despair. It's time to take hold of the tiller of fate, and steer yourself to the calm waters of your future. If there was ever a week to shut the curtains, stay in bed, and hide under the duvet like a frightened kitten, then this is the week...unless you need to go out. Take a Scallop and a Snail. Two very similar Mollusks who are also so entirely different. On Wednesday you will find out just how similar or different you are when you will be inadvertently stuck in a toilet cubicle with said Snail.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
You've set your sights high this week, but as the Chinese proverb warns us 'rain always dampens an egg buried in the ground'. A ship needs a rudder, a ship needs a captain, and a ship needs appropriate health and safety information. Who is the captain of your ship, and who has their hand on the rudder? And most importantly, do you have a life-jacket? If you hear just one more person swear within a 20-foot radius of you, then it is time to tear up the map and get out of this town.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
A foreign fish will play an exciting role in your life this week. Why is everyone so keen on cheese these days? You know that steering clear of the yellow stuff is the right thing to do. You will be asked to look after a Limpet this week. That may be a good thing but it may be a bad thing. Be especially careful on Tuesday when said Limpet might ask you to do something which could be considered illegal in many countries.
Monday, June 25, 2018
Monday, June 18, 2018
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 19th June 2018
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Why do you spend so much time waiting for other people to tell you how great you are. Cut out the middle man and start singing your own praises while looking in the mirror. A woman bearing gifts might not be the present-carrying-female that she seems. Be wary if she (if it is a she) tries making you any toast. This week, you should heed the old nautical expression 'See a Slug, hear a Slug, smell a Slug, hit a Slug'.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
The current problems with your job are partially due to the monotony that surrounds you. Kick start your career by doing something to shock your colleagues and show them your inner beast. Doubt and uncertainty will cloud your thoughts this week. Try listening to a tall person for advice. Would you ever be so stupid to get drunk with a Scallop on a work night, and then go to one of those clubs that your mother warned you about? The answer to this question will be revealed on Saturday.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
A red car will loom large in your life (or maybe just your rear-view mirror) on Sunday. Remember to wear your seat belt and try not to have any small animals in your car on that day. Why do you do what you think you should do when you don't do what you don't think that you should do? You will bump into a Mussel on Thursday. They will not know you, and you will not know them. You will not talk to them, and they will not talk to you. But it is a meeting of profound importance to your life and career.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Now is a good time to live life in the fast lane and be daring and bold. Try wearing one less item of clothing than usual. The next time that you play poker, you should bet everything you have whenever you see a two and fold whenever you see an ace. This might not actually help you that much but it will keep everybody else on their toes. If you put a Clam and an Octopus together, it is a bit like Laurel and Hardy. There will be much stupidity and much clumsiness. There will also be a lot of pain.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Be wise on Thursday, but timid on Friday. Should you find yourself in a casino this week, then the number 80 might be the key to a little financial surprise (the surprise might involve the words 'your credit card is no longer valid' so be careful). If you have the time, try to track down a trustworthy Mussel that you know on Thursday. Tell them a big secret and see how trustworthy they really are.
The Slug July 26th
Did you know that 'Slug' is very nearly an anagram of 'ugly'. This is quite fitting as your grim features are enough to put a dying dog off its food. In your hour of need, an Oyster that you know will have all the answers to your problems this week. However, they are not going to tell you any of the answers. Happiness. Joy. Financial success. Just another three things that you will not experience this week.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Try experiencing the quirkier side of life when you next read a book by only reading the odd-numbered pages. You can dance this week if you think that kicking up your heels will make you happier. By the way, it won't. If the level of your confidence was a country, it would be Australia.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Making more room for music this week will ease current frustrations. The more avant-garde the music the better, and 50's Jazz will particularly prove helpful. People will tell you that life can have its ups and downs, but they never tell you to watch out for the sideways. Eat anything you want this week, but avoid the kung po chicken at all costs.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Ever had to take over the controls of a plane due to an injury to the pilot? This week might provide an occasion to do just that. This might be the sort of crazy week where you should try to do the exact opposite of what everyone tries to tell you to do. One exception to this would be if anyone tells you to do the opposite of what you would normally do. Your map reading skills might just help you save a stranded puppy this week.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Thursday afternoon (about 3:15) is the time for making a big decision about your life. Think of all the great things that might happen to you this week. They may never happen, but at least you're thinking about them. There is a Squid that you really like. There is a Squid that really likes you. Unfortunately they are half your age and live on the other side of the world.
Why do you spend so much time waiting for other people to tell you how great you are. Cut out the middle man and start singing your own praises while looking in the mirror. A woman bearing gifts might not be the present-carrying-female that she seems. Be wary if she (if it is a she) tries making you any toast. This week, you should heed the old nautical expression 'See a Slug, hear a Slug, smell a Slug, hit a Slug'.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
The current problems with your job are partially due to the monotony that surrounds you. Kick start your career by doing something to shock your colleagues and show them your inner beast. Doubt and uncertainty will cloud your thoughts this week. Try listening to a tall person for advice. Would you ever be so stupid to get drunk with a Scallop on a work night, and then go to one of those clubs that your mother warned you about? The answer to this question will be revealed on Saturday.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
A red car will loom large in your life (or maybe just your rear-view mirror) on Sunday. Remember to wear your seat belt and try not to have any small animals in your car on that day. Why do you do what you think you should do when you don't do what you don't think that you should do? You will bump into a Mussel on Thursday. They will not know you, and you will not know them. You will not talk to them, and they will not talk to you. But it is a meeting of profound importance to your life and career.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Now is a good time to live life in the fast lane and be daring and bold. Try wearing one less item of clothing than usual. The next time that you play poker, you should bet everything you have whenever you see a two and fold whenever you see an ace. This might not actually help you that much but it will keep everybody else on their toes. If you put a Clam and an Octopus together, it is a bit like Laurel and Hardy. There will be much stupidity and much clumsiness. There will also be a lot of pain.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Be wise on Thursday, but timid on Friday. Should you find yourself in a casino this week, then the number 80 might be the key to a little financial surprise (the surprise might involve the words 'your credit card is no longer valid' so be careful). If you have the time, try to track down a trustworthy Mussel that you know on Thursday. Tell them a big secret and see how trustworthy they really are.
The Slug July 26th
Did you know that 'Slug' is very nearly an anagram of 'ugly'. This is quite fitting as your grim features are enough to put a dying dog off its food. In your hour of need, an Oyster that you know will have all the answers to your problems this week. However, they are not going to tell you any of the answers. Happiness. Joy. Financial success. Just another three things that you will not experience this week.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Try experiencing the quirkier side of life when you next read a book by only reading the odd-numbered pages. You can dance this week if you think that kicking up your heels will make you happier. By the way, it won't. If the level of your confidence was a country, it would be Australia.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Making more room for music this week will ease current frustrations. The more avant-garde the music the better, and 50's Jazz will particularly prove helpful. People will tell you that life can have its ups and downs, but they never tell you to watch out for the sideways. Eat anything you want this week, but avoid the kung po chicken at all costs.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Ever had to take over the controls of a plane due to an injury to the pilot? This week might provide an occasion to do just that. This might be the sort of crazy week where you should try to do the exact opposite of what everyone tries to tell you to do. One exception to this would be if anyone tells you to do the opposite of what you would normally do. Your map reading skills might just help you save a stranded puppy this week.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Thursday afternoon (about 3:15) is the time for making a big decision about your life. Think of all the great things that might happen to you this week. They may never happen, but at least you're thinking about them. There is a Squid that you really like. There is a Squid that really likes you. Unfortunately they are half your age and live on the other side of the world.
Sunday, June 10, 2018
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 11th June 2018
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
You will see someone this week who looks suspiciously like Jimmy Conners. This will have no bearing on your life whatsoever. A man connected with the number 12 will bring you joy and a woman connected with the number -4 will bring you great sorrow. Time to get it on with someone this week. It only really matters if they have a pulse.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
If you stayed in bed all week...maybe nobody would know that you were missing. On Thursday you will learn the important difference between a large ukulele and a small guitar. Watch out for a Barnacle in a hurry on Thursday. If you time it correctly, you will only end up with a small stain to show for their clumsiness. If you get your timing wrong however, you might be facing a stay in the hospital and you won't be eating solids for a long time.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Up for a challenge? Then remove all of the labels from any tins in your house. Meal times will then have an element of surprise and danger about them. If you wear too much make-up on Friday, you could be in for trouble when someone close to you mistakes you for someone even closer to them. When a Slug comes calling at your door, asking for a little financial favor, tell them in no uncertain terms: "You are a poor excuse for a mollusk, and I would rather force-feed myself to a shark than lend you any money".
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
If you have a pet llama, then you should try to avoid wearing red on Friday. This may seem an unreasonable request, but you really want the violent and bloody death of an innocent llama on your conscience? Remember the saying: you can squeeze the life out of a kitten, but a kitten can't squeeze the life out of you. If you put a Clam and an Octopus together, it is a bit like Laurel and Hardy. There will be much stupidity and much clumsiness. There will also be a lot of pain.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Something will be hot this week. It could be you, it could be the weather, or it could be some mustard. The heat will be good, just remember to stay cool. If there was ever one week in your life where you should eat cheese, this week is it. If you have the time, try to track down a trustworthy Mussel that you know on Wednesday. Tell them a big secret and see how trustworthy they really are.
The Slug July 26th
This week your colleagues will be trying to heed the words of the old nautical expression 'If you see a Slug, run for your lives'. Improve your popularity this week by a) not saying anything to anyone and b) wearing a bag over your head. Just give up making any sort of plans this week. They will all fail so best stay in bed.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Something involving the color red will be on your mind this week and you are not sure if you need a second opinion about what to do. The solution involves getting a second opinion from a friend as to whether you need to get a second opinion. A famous sailor once remarked that 'A beached whale is like a boy urinating in a church at a wedding. It doesn't look good, it doesn't smell good, and everyone pretends not to notice, even though they are secretly annoyed. Don't be that beached whale. If the level of your confidence was a country, it would be Australia.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
There is a very old tradition that Sailors used to follow when leaving home before embarking on a long voyage. Urinate on three things that you love, and spit on three things that you hate. Only this will ensure a safe trip. Heed these words before undertaking any business travel this week. Be careful not to overexert yourself in the kitchen this week. Remember, too many broths spoil the cook. A female Mussel friend will give you something very precious this week, try not to blow the moment by commenting on her oversized rear.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
A famous fisherman once noted that while five fish will always feed a family of four, four fish might not feed a family of five. These words will have special meaning for you this week. Your friends will tell you that you have to make up your mind regarding your big problem. They will tell you that you must sink or swim. Remember though,that there is a third option. Try to achieve a state of neutral buoyancy. A portly Mussel that you work with will literally get in your way this week. You might want to tactfully suggest that the fat lump of lard should go on a diet.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
There are many things that you would like to try this week. But remember 'do or do not, there is no try'. Dietary choices may be important this week. Consider avoiding foods that are green or yellow in color. There is a time and a place for everything. This week, that time will more often that not be 8:22 am.
You will see someone this week who looks suspiciously like Jimmy Conners. This will have no bearing on your life whatsoever. A man connected with the number 12 will bring you joy and a woman connected with the number -4 will bring you great sorrow. Time to get it on with someone this week. It only really matters if they have a pulse.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
If you stayed in bed all week...maybe nobody would know that you were missing. On Thursday you will learn the important difference between a large ukulele and a small guitar. Watch out for a Barnacle in a hurry on Thursday. If you time it correctly, you will only end up with a small stain to show for their clumsiness. If you get your timing wrong however, you might be facing a stay in the hospital and you won't be eating solids for a long time.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Up for a challenge? Then remove all of the labels from any tins in your house. Meal times will then have an element of surprise and danger about them. If you wear too much make-up on Friday, you could be in for trouble when someone close to you mistakes you for someone even closer to them. When a Slug comes calling at your door, asking for a little financial favor, tell them in no uncertain terms: "You are a poor excuse for a mollusk, and I would rather force-feed myself to a shark than lend you any money".
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
If you have a pet llama, then you should try to avoid wearing red on Friday. This may seem an unreasonable request, but you really want the violent and bloody death of an innocent llama on your conscience? Remember the saying: you can squeeze the life out of a kitten, but a kitten can't squeeze the life out of you. If you put a Clam and an Octopus together, it is a bit like Laurel and Hardy. There will be much stupidity and much clumsiness. There will also be a lot of pain.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Something will be hot this week. It could be you, it could be the weather, or it could be some mustard. The heat will be good, just remember to stay cool. If there was ever one week in your life where you should eat cheese, this week is it. If you have the time, try to track down a trustworthy Mussel that you know on Wednesday. Tell them a big secret and see how trustworthy they really are.
The Slug July 26th
This week your colleagues will be trying to heed the words of the old nautical expression 'If you see a Slug, run for your lives'. Improve your popularity this week by a) not saying anything to anyone and b) wearing a bag over your head. Just give up making any sort of plans this week. They will all fail so best stay in bed.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Something involving the color red will be on your mind this week and you are not sure if you need a second opinion about what to do. The solution involves getting a second opinion from a friend as to whether you need to get a second opinion. A famous sailor once remarked that 'A beached whale is like a boy urinating in a church at a wedding. It doesn't look good, it doesn't smell good, and everyone pretends not to notice, even though they are secretly annoyed. Don't be that beached whale. If the level of your confidence was a country, it would be Australia.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
There is a very old tradition that Sailors used to follow when leaving home before embarking on a long voyage. Urinate on three things that you love, and spit on three things that you hate. Only this will ensure a safe trip. Heed these words before undertaking any business travel this week. Be careful not to overexert yourself in the kitchen this week. Remember, too many broths spoil the cook. A female Mussel friend will give you something very precious this week, try not to blow the moment by commenting on her oversized rear.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
A famous fisherman once noted that while five fish will always feed a family of four, four fish might not feed a family of five. These words will have special meaning for you this week. Your friends will tell you that you have to make up your mind regarding your big problem. They will tell you that you must sink or swim. Remember though,that there is a third option. Try to achieve a state of neutral buoyancy. A portly Mussel that you work with will literally get in your way this week. You might want to tactfully suggest that the fat lump of lard should go on a diet.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
There are many things that you would like to try this week. But remember 'do or do not, there is no try'. Dietary choices may be important this week. Consider avoiding foods that are green or yellow in color. There is a time and a place for everything. This week, that time will more often that not be 8:22 am.
Tuesday, June 5, 2018
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 5th June 2018
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
The next time that you play poker, you should bet everything you have whenever you see a two and fold whenever you see an ace. This might not actually help you that much but it will keep everybody else on their toes. You will be troubled by two legs on Tuesday and four legs on Friday. There is a Clam on the war-path, and that Clam is heading your way. Make like a dead whale, and play dead.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Do you want to feel like crap every morning? If the answer is no, then try eating walnuts before bedtime. If there was ever one week in your life where you should eat cheese, this week is it. Think of a beautiful day where you are happy and carefree. Now think of a fat and sweaty Mussel that you know. They will ruin said beautiful day and an unpleasant bout of flatulence will almost certainly be the cause.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Is there a door opening up in your life? If so then close it, or at most leave it only slightly ajar. If you can get away with it, try to eat everything with a spoon on Sunday. It will impress a secret admirer. You've always had two secret role models, but up till now they were so secret you didn't know who they were. Let the truth be revealed, for you secretly covet David Beckham and Tiger Woods.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Even when everything is going wrong, and it will go wrong this week, just be thankful that you're not Herman Cain, Computer problems might cause you headaches this week. Best stick to using a pen and paper. You may have heard the old sailor's expression 'you can never fail with a Snail'...but you do know that there is an exception to every rule right? Walk very carefully on Saturday when said Snail will try to take you somewhere that a Clam should never go.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
This might be the sort of crazy week where you should try to do the exact opposite of what everyone tries to tell you to do. One exception to this would be if anyone tells you to do the opposite of what you would normally do. You will breathe more deeply this week when things that you want appear on the horizon, in a shimmering cloud. Limpets, Limpets everywhere, but not a drop of love to spare. Well this might be the case for you on Sunday when a rabid, potentially-drunk Limpet will cause plenty of trouble for you.
The Slug July 26th
Did you know that 'Slug' is very nearly an anagram of 'ugly'. This is quite fitting as your grim features are enough to put a dying dog off its food. Do you remember that when you were young, that your parents said 'When you grow up, you have the potential to do anything you want to in life'? They were lying. You only have the potential to be a failure. You might want to take a second look in the mirror at some point this week...just to confirm that you really are that ugly.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Confront your inner demons this week and arrange for an internal exorcism. Friday will be a very bad day for you. A very bad day indeed. You might find true love, you may win a large cash sum, and you may even get a promotion. These minor successes will in no way compensate for the badness of the bad thing that will happen to you though. You will fall in love with a Squid on 6:45 am on Thursday. By 7:15 you will realize that actually they are quite repulsive.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Your friends will tell you that you have to make up your mind regarding your big problem. They will tell you that you must sink or swim. Remember though,that there is a third option. Try to achieve a state of neutral buoyancy. Why is everyone so keen on cheese these days? You know that steering clear of the yellow stuff is the right thing to do. On Monday just remind yourself that you are lucky to not have been born a Slug.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
If you wear too much make-up on Wednesday, you could be in for trouble when someone close to you mistakes you for someone even closer to them. Take a second look at what you are wearing. Your friends think that it is time that you burn your wardrobe. Maybe they are right? The letters F, Y, and K will all be very important to you this week, especially in conjunction with a Scallop wearing green. Be especially cautious if they offer you a hot-dog, but don't offer you any mustard.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
You may say to others that you like cats, but this will be the week where you will be tested on how much you love cats. Particularly when a certain cat could unlock the secret to the whereabouts of a long-lost family member. Put some distance between you and a rival. At least 31 feet, but no more than a mile. There is a time and a place for everything. This week, that time will more often that not be 8:22 am.
The next time that you play poker, you should bet everything you have whenever you see a two and fold whenever you see an ace. This might not actually help you that much but it will keep everybody else on their toes. You will be troubled by two legs on Tuesday and four legs on Friday. There is a Clam on the war-path, and that Clam is heading your way. Make like a dead whale, and play dead.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Do you want to feel like crap every morning? If the answer is no, then try eating walnuts before bedtime. If there was ever one week in your life where you should eat cheese, this week is it. Think of a beautiful day where you are happy and carefree. Now think of a fat and sweaty Mussel that you know. They will ruin said beautiful day and an unpleasant bout of flatulence will almost certainly be the cause.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Is there a door opening up in your life? If so then close it, or at most leave it only slightly ajar. If you can get away with it, try to eat everything with a spoon on Sunday. It will impress a secret admirer. You've always had two secret role models, but up till now they were so secret you didn't know who they were. Let the truth be revealed, for you secretly covet David Beckham and Tiger Woods.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Even when everything is going wrong, and it will go wrong this week, just be thankful that you're not Herman Cain, Computer problems might cause you headaches this week. Best stick to using a pen and paper. You may have heard the old sailor's expression 'you can never fail with a Snail'...but you do know that there is an exception to every rule right? Walk very carefully on Saturday when said Snail will try to take you somewhere that a Clam should never go.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
This might be the sort of crazy week where you should try to do the exact opposite of what everyone tries to tell you to do. One exception to this would be if anyone tells you to do the opposite of what you would normally do. You will breathe more deeply this week when things that you want appear on the horizon, in a shimmering cloud. Limpets, Limpets everywhere, but not a drop of love to spare. Well this might be the case for you on Sunday when a rabid, potentially-drunk Limpet will cause plenty of trouble for you.
The Slug July 26th
Did you know that 'Slug' is very nearly an anagram of 'ugly'. This is quite fitting as your grim features are enough to put a dying dog off its food. Do you remember that when you were young, that your parents said 'When you grow up, you have the potential to do anything you want to in life'? They were lying. You only have the potential to be a failure. You might want to take a second look in the mirror at some point this week...just to confirm that you really are that ugly.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Confront your inner demons this week and arrange for an internal exorcism. Friday will be a very bad day for you. A very bad day indeed. You might find true love, you may win a large cash sum, and you may even get a promotion. These minor successes will in no way compensate for the badness of the bad thing that will happen to you though. You will fall in love with a Squid on 6:45 am on Thursday. By 7:15 you will realize that actually they are quite repulsive.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Your friends will tell you that you have to make up your mind regarding your big problem. They will tell you that you must sink or swim. Remember though,that there is a third option. Try to achieve a state of neutral buoyancy. Why is everyone so keen on cheese these days? You know that steering clear of the yellow stuff is the right thing to do. On Monday just remind yourself that you are lucky to not have been born a Slug.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
If you wear too much make-up on Wednesday, you could be in for trouble when someone close to you mistakes you for someone even closer to them. Take a second look at what you are wearing. Your friends think that it is time that you burn your wardrobe. Maybe they are right? The letters F, Y, and K will all be very important to you this week, especially in conjunction with a Scallop wearing green. Be especially cautious if they offer you a hot-dog, but don't offer you any mustard.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
You may say to others that you like cats, but this will be the week where you will be tested on how much you love cats. Particularly when a certain cat could unlock the secret to the whereabouts of a long-lost family member. Put some distance between you and a rival. At least 31 feet, but no more than a mile. There is a time and a place for everything. This week, that time will more often that not be 8:22 am.
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