Now is a good time to live life in the fast lane and be daring and bold. Try wearing one less item of clothing than usual. Is there a ray of light at the end of the tunnel? A chance meeting on Tuesday with a gynecologist might provide some answers. On Saturday you will meet an Octopus who will want to punch your lights out. Did you sleep with their partner behind their back? Only you - or the police - will be able to answer that.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Take a loved one on a surprise vacation this week and they will be very appreciative, especially if you take them overseas. Ignite your enthusiasm this week by planning a trip, but avoid buses, trains, and planes as these might bring you danger. Avoid roller-coasters at all costs on Monday.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Your weight, or the weight of someone important around you, may become a discussion point this week. Is there a door opening up in your life? If so then close it, or at most leave it only slightly ajar. This is a good week to remember that old nautical expression 'You can make me walk the plank, but I'll drown on my own terms'.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Even when everything is going wrong, and it will go wrong this week, just be thankful that you're not Magic Johnson, The rabbit that runs twice as fast, eats twice as slow. Don't be the rabbit that wins a race but ends up hungry. Whatever anyone says to you, it's not worth telling your boss about...except if you hear a rumor involving mushrooms or anti-wrinkle cream.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Forget what you have learned and instead remember only that which you have yet to learn. If you have never learned anything then you will have that much more to remember and will therefore will become a very wise mollusk indeed. A little rodent problem will cause you a major headache this week. Who knew that rats liked ice-cream? If you have the time, try to track down a trustworthy Mussel that you know on Friday. Tell them a big secret and see how trustworthy they really are.
The Slug July 26th
Do you remember that when you were young, that your parents said 'When you grow up, you have the potential to do anything you want to in life'? They were lying. You only have the potential to be a failure. The person that you have a secret crush on does not feel the same way about you. If they knew how you truly felt, then they would probably be violently ill. Improve your popularity this week by a) not saying anything to anyone and b) wearing a bag over your head.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
You work hard but seem to get no reward for your effort. Perhaps this week, you will get effort for your reward. Are olives really 'the Devil's grape'? This is the week where you will find out. Get the guys or girls around your place on Wednesday for a lurve fest.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
The old sailors motto of 'Kick it. Beat it. Cook it. Eat it.' may have special relevance to you this week when you will be faced with an animal that is in your way. Others will spend this week trying to think outside the box. Show them your true genius by turning the box inside out and then thinking inside it. This week you may take any life-threatening actions that come your way. But whatever you do, go easy on the chili sauce.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
A man connected with the number 61 will bring you joy and a woman connected with the number -4 will bring you great sorrow. Sailors would sometimes avoid wearing the color purple. They would rather a dolphin spit at them in the eye then wear that color. Heed this advice, particularly on Thursday. When a Squid and an Octopus meet it's full-on tentacle action. So if you are out and about on Friday, then make sure you take enough moisturizer.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Why do you do what you think you should do when you don't do what you don't think that you should do? If you were a vegetable, you'd probably be a tomato. Watch that you don't get squashed this week. To be on the safe side, arrive 5 hours early for your special work meeting this week.
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