Train yourself to be mentally stronger and reap the rewards. Especially on Thursday when a chance meeting with a handsome stranger will allow you to think outside the box. Tell a loved one that you love them this week. Also tell someone you hate that you hate them. Life is all about balance. Watch out for someone saying 'no' to you this week.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Sailors would sometimes avoid wearing the color white. They would rather a dolphin spit at them in the eye then wear that color. Heed this advice, particularly on Wednesday. Try to spend one day this week in silence. Communicate only with gestures or bodily odors. Limpets are losers so avoid them this week.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Food may be important for you this week, so it might be preferable if you try eating it. This week will see you face many important questions. It is important that you answer those questions. Why do Squids have that annoying habit of saying something at the most inopportune times. If you are speaking at any event this week where there is an opportunity to ask questions, then avoid fielding any such questions from a Squid.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Eggs, or products containing eggs, are best avoided this week. Unless you are certain that they are what you want. If there was ever one week in your life where you should eat cheese, this week is it. There is an Oyster in town who is looking for a good time. You can join in that good time, but be prepared to run up an substantial credit-card bill, and don't expect to see your shoes again anytime soon.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
You want what you cannot have. You have what you no longer want. Such is life. The number 86 will have special significance on Tuesday, but sadly you will never realize just what that significance is, and so it will all be a bit wasted on you. Try applying for a passport using a false identity. It might not work, you might be arrested, but it might be fun trying.
The Slug July 26th
The number 20 will be important for you this week. This will possibly be an amount of money that you will lose, or the number of days you might be held for questioning by the police. Happiness. Joy. Financial success. Just another three things that you will not experience this week. You might want to take a second look in the mirror at some point this week...just to confirm that you really are that ugly.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Put some distance between you and a rival. At least 14 feet, but no more than a mile. Tiredness will knock on your door this week, so be prepared to consume vast amounts of energy drinks. Is is really vanity if you pay to put an advert in a national newspaper to point out to everyone how beautiful you are?
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
In a year's time you might consider running a marathon or eating a Snickers bar. Either way, this week is when you should start your preparations. Are you a lion or a mouse? Now is the time to nail your colors to the flag and decide whether you can squeak or roar. A Clam you know will offer to cook for you this week. Be careful, they might have ulterior motives, and they will certainly try spiking your food with Tabasco sauce.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Take heed of the old sailors warning 'If you drown, you die'. You are being driven mad by driving. Don't get mad, get even. Someone will swear at you this week. You will not be happy, in fact you will be livid. In these scenarios, physical retribution is only fair.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
There is no difference between what you can do and what you think you can do. The only difference is in your mind, or what you think is in your mind. This might be the sort of crazy week where you should try to do the exact opposite of what everyone tries to tell you to do. One exception to this would be if anyone tells you to do the opposite of what you would normally do. Make some sweet love in the afternoon...about 3:43 pm.
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