A pretty young woman connected to the number 39 will be involved in a bizarre gardening accident this week. You may or may not know this woman. Take an umbrella with you this week when you go to your 'special' appointment. It won't rain but there will be waterworks. A collision with a Limpet will literally knock you off your feet this week. Don't spend much time arguing whose fault it was but instead try to reach a consensus that it was due to a stupid Slug that you know.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Embarrassment will loom rather large in your life this week as you are very likely to catch your boss in a somewhat compromising situation involving a small animal and some rubber tubing. Clouds are on the horizon. Storm clouds. Storm clouds that will bring rain, hail, thunder, and lightning. Run away. If you see a Barnacle this week, you should probably hit them. They are always trouble.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
If you are driving and you see someone who looks like Gandhi driving a white car, then it is time to leave town immediately otherwise you will be associated with a very bad smell for many months. If you ever wanted to place a bet on a big race, then this is the week. A horse whose name begins with the letter G will win big. 'Slow-but-steady' may be the motto of your so-called Snail 'friend'. But what if they are speeding around with you partner behind your back? Don't be heartbroken, just think of how much money they have and then think about that good old word 'blackmail'.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Walk briskly this week, because the winds of opposition will try to slow you down. Break through the winds to achieve success, only by breaking wind will you find happiness. You need to get away from the stress that is currently crushing your spirit. A weekend in an isolation chamber will help you focus. There is an Oyster in town who is looking for a good time. You can join in that good time, but be prepared to run up an substantial credit-card bill, and don't expect to see your shoes again anytime soon.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
A little rodent problem will cause you a major headache this week. Who knew that rats liked ice-cream? A hairy man (or woman) will provide you with a bristly problem this week. Get together for a Scallop this week if you want to have a fun time that involves an activity that is not yet illegal in all countries.
The Slug July 26th
Be careful what you choose to eat this week...there is a lot of food poisoning about. Your friends will gather closely around you this week, so please take steps to lessen your foul odor. There will be good news on Wednesday this week. However, it will turn out to be very bad news by Friday.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
You are being driven mad by driving. Don't get mad, get even. Sailors would sometimes avoid wearing the color black. They would rather a dolphin spit at them in the eye then wear that color. Heed this advice, particularly on Thursday. If the level of your confidence was a country, it would be Australia.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
You will be attracted to someone in a position of power this week. Do not give in to temptation, make sure they get the cold shoulder. You think that someone is out to get you, you think that they want to see you squashed like a bug. You are wrong. They are wrong. Everyone is wrong. The best thing you can do to help a Slug in trouble this week is remind them what a failure they are and that you would help, only they will probably be in trouble again next week so why bother?
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Others will spend this week trying to think outside the box. Show them your true genius by turning the box inside out and then thinking inside it. Self-sufficiency is the name of the game for you this week. If you can avoid buying any food, then so much the better. If you hear just one more person swear within a 20-foot radius of you, then it is time to tear up the map and get out of this town.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Numbers will prove problematic for you this week. It could be a birthday or other important date, or it could be the lottery. Step wisely when choosing any number. A foreign fish will play an exciting role in your life this week. There is a time and a place for everything. This week, that time will more often that not be 8:22 am.
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