Monday, November 11, 2013

Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 11th November 2013

The Barnacle December 2nd - February 19th

Take a second look at what you are wearing. Your friends think that it is time that you burn your wardrobe. Maybe they are right? Tuesday afternoon (about 3:15) is the time for making a big decision about your life. When a Barnacle and a Mussel get together, it's a bit like adding treacle to a slow burning fire. You have been warned.

The Snail February 20th - March 9th

Something involving the color green will be on your mind this week and you are not sure if you need a second opinion about what to do. The solution involves getting a second opinion from a friend as to whether you need to get a second opinion. Doubt and uncertainty will cloud your thoughts this week. Try listening to a tall person for advice. A Squid will get in your way this week. If you are in a car, then it is fine to run them down.

The Limpet March 10th - May 1st

You've set your sights high this week, but as the Chinese proverb warns us 'rain always dampens an egg buried in the ground'. You can dance this week if you think that kicking up your heels will make you happier. By the way, it won't. Meet up with an Oyster for a fun time on Tuesday.

The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd

Big developments will occur in the bedroom this week. Make sure your sheets are clean. It could be a good time this week to heed the warning 'Clams, fireworks, and alcohol do not mix well'. If you put a Clam and an Octopus together, it is a bit like Laurel and Hardy. There will be much stupidity and much clumsiness. There will also be a lot of pain.

The Squid June 3rd - July 25th

If there was ever a week in which you should enroll in a foreign language class, then this is the week. If you have a cat, then consider also getting a dog. If you have a dog, then consider getting a cat. If you already have a cat and a dog, then have you ever thought about owning a moose? Tell someone that they look great this week...even if they are pig ugly.

The Slug July 26th

You have tried so hard, and accomplished so little. Now is the time to give up. This week your colleagues will be trying to heed the words of the old nautical expression 'If you see a Slug, run for your lives'. In a week where everything that can go wrong, will go wrong, you just have to accept that this is largely your fault.

The Oyster July 27th - August 19th

You think that someone is out to get you, you think that they want to see you squashed like a bug. You are wrong. They are wrong. Everyone is wrong. Why is everyone so keen on cheese these days? You know that steering clear of the yellow stuff is the right thing to do. If the level of your confidence was a country, it would be Australia.

The Scallop August 20th - October 1st

Don't leave your house on Tuesday afternoon, disaster lurks if you step outside. The current problems with your job are partially due to the monotony that surrounds you. Kick start your career by doing something to shock your colleagues and show them your inner beast. Your sex-life could be greatly improved by judicious use of peanut butter this week. Naturally, 'Crunchy' would be better than 'Smooth'.

The Octopus October 1st - October 29th

Your friends will tell you that you have to make up your mind regarding your big problem. They will tell you that you must sink or swim. Remember though,that there is a third option. Try to achieve a state of neutral buoyancy. You may say to others that you like cats, but this will be the week where you will be tested on how much you love cats. Particularly when a certain cat could unlock the secret to the whereabouts of a long-lost family member. When you and a Limpet get together on Friday, sparks will literally fly. That's what you get when a chance encounter with a welder goes horribly wrong.

The Mussel October 30th - December 1st

A foreign fish will play an exciting role in your life this week. Your week will become focused around @day, when the the number 75, the color white and someone who has a connection to Elizabeth Dole will potentially change your life, or maybe just your bank balance. You're a Mussel, so that's good. But you know a Barnacle who resembles Eddie Murphy a little too much for your liking, so that's not so good. Well that's life I guess, it's all about balance.

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