Walk faster than the person in front of you if you want to get ahead this week...unless that person is carrying a knife. A few things to avoid this week if you know what's good for you: cold tea, hot milk, three-legged animals, North Dakota, and books with the word 'fun' in their title. There is a Clam on the war-path, and that Clam is heading your way. Make like a dead whale, and play dead.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
There are many things that you would like to try this week. But remember 'do or do not, there is no try'. A special number looms large in your life this week, and that number is 24. A Squid will get in your way this week. If you are in a car, then it is fine to run them down.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Do you want to feel like crap every morning? If the answer is no, then try eating walnuts before bedtime. How can something as simple and harmless as a tube of toothpaste cause so much misery? You will find out this week. Ever been on holiday with a Scallop before? They'll buy you a lot of drinks but they'll expect certain favors in return. You might not like the sound - or the smell - of those favors.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Are you a lion or a mouse? Now is the time to nail your colors to the flag and decide whether you can squeak or roar. Why is everyone so keen on cheese these days? You know that steering clear of the yellow stuff is the right thing to do. You would rather stick a knife in your eye than disclose a less than important secret to your boss.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
If you keep putting it off (and you know what I mean by 'it'), it will never get done. Sort it out this week once and for all. If you can get away with it, try to eat everything with a spoon on Sunday. It will impress a secret admirer. When you and that lovable Oyster colleague of yours get together, then sparks will fly. Unfortunately, that might lead to a charge of arson this week, so best cancel that Sunday night get-together.
The Slug July 26th
Be careful what you choose to eat this week...there is a lot of food poisoning about. In a week where everything that can go wrong, will go wrong, you just have to accept that this is largely your fault. Hanging out with a Scallop on Tuesday might gain you some attention as you bask in the aura of Mr/Mrs Popular. However, they will hate you for this unwanted association and your evening may well end with the threat of extreme physical violence.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
A hairy man (or woman) will provide you with a bristly problem this week. Are olives really 'the Devil's grape'? This is the week where you will find out. On Tuesday, your day will be swiftly ruined by an odious Slug that you know. You can't prevent what they are going to do, the only thing you can do is feel a small degree of satisfaction when you sue them for every penny they've got.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Ever had to take over the controls of a plane due to an injury to the pilot? This week might provide an occasion to do just that. If you have a pet llama, then you should try to avoid wearing red on Friday. This may seem an unreasonable request, but you really want the violent and bloody death of an innocent llama on your conscience? Eat anything you want this week, but avoid the kung po chicken at all costs.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
If there was ever a week in which you should enroll in a foreign language class, then this is the week. Your friends will tell you that you have to make up your mind regarding your big problem. They will tell you that you must sink or swim. Remember though,that there is a third option. Try to achieve a state of neutral buoyancy. A portly Mussel that you work with will literally get in your way this week. You might want to tactfully suggest that the fat lump of lard should go on a diet.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
A trip to the dry-cleaners could provide the impetus you have been looking for to kick-start your business plans. You can dance this week if you think that kicking up your heels will make you happier. By the way, it won't. You're a Mussel, so that's good. But you know a Barnacle who resembles Marilyn Monroe a little too much for your liking, so that's not so good. Well that's life I guess, it's all about balance.
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