A famous fisherman once noted that while five fish will always feed a family of four, four fish might not feed a family of five. These words will have special meaning for you this week. Big developments will occur in the bedroom this week. Make sure your sheets are clean. This might be the week where some vegetarian friends taunt you for not being a 'true' Mollusk. The best way of dealing with these people is to slip some goat blood into their coffee, and then taunt them for not being 'true' vegetarians.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Your friends are being spoons, when all you need is a fork. But being ironic doesn't befit you. Running away from things will not help problems this week. Neither will staying where you are. You generally don't get on with Barnacles, but if you meet one on Saturday who looks at all like Martin Luther King, then you should kiss them without hesitation.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Sad. Sad. Sad. Sad. Which one of these will you be this week? When you walk this week, take only tiny steps. It may take you longer to get where you going, but Rome wasn't built in a day. Sometimes you will try hard to avoid them, you will try your best to pass them by in the street or workplace. But on Wednesday there is no escape. You will have to go toe-to-toe with an Octopus. Make sure you have an adequate supply of breath mints.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
You will have an important meeting with your boss this week. Be careful, the wrong choice of shoes will prove disastrous to your career. Don't look behind you, instead concentrate on what lies ahead. The road that takes you on the longest path is the road that will not take you on the shortest path. If you put a Clam and an Octopus together, it is a bit like Laurel and Hardy. There will be much stupidity and much clumsiness. There will also be a lot of pain.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Something involving the color orange will be on your mind this week and you are not sure if you need a second opinion about what to do. The solution involves getting a second opinion from a friend as to whether you need to get a second opinion. You might be familiar with the saying that 'you cannot buy success', well this might be a good week to try anyway. Make like a fox this week and be cunning. Especially when someone is out to deceive you into buying a beef-based product that you really don't need.
The Slug July 26th
Remember, things can go only get better...actually for you they can probably still get quite a bit worse. Just give up making any sort of plans this week. They will all fail so best stay in bed. This is going to be a very good week...not for you personally, but you can't have everything.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
You may say to others that you like cats, but this will be the week where you will be tested on how much you love cats. Particularly when a certain cat could unlock the secret to the whereabouts of a long-lost family member. There are many things that you would like to try this week. But remember 'do or do not, there is no try'. Do you know a Limpet? Do you want to know a Limpet? If the answer is yes, then on Thursday night make your way to where the cool people go. And take lots of loose change with you.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
This is a good time to reflect on all the things that you are not. For example, you are not an elephant, nor are you an electric toaster. A cucumber, a pneumatic drill, and a skateboard. Two of these three items will not give you a major headache this week. You will come to the defense of a Barnacle this week when a common friend insults them for "not being a true Mollusk".
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Your weight, or the weight of someone important around you, may become a discussion point this week. Making more room for music this week will ease current frustrations. The more avant-garde the music the better, and 50's Jazz will particularly prove helpful. Wake up at 3:00 AM on Wednesday to remind yourself why it's such a bad idea to get up at 3:00 AM.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
A woman bearing gifts might not be the present-carrying-female that she seems. Be wary if she (if it is a she) tries making you any toast. This is a good week to set sail on a new voyage of discovery and adventure...unless you are feeling tired, in which case you should stay at home. You know an Octopus who is almost the perfect person. Polite, charming, attractive, and financially independent. Sadly, you chose to marry their poor, ugly, and alcoholic cousin instead.
[?2004h
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment