If you wear too much make-up on Sunday, you could be in for trouble when someone close to you mistakes you for someone even closer to them. A famous sailor once remarked 'Life is like jumping overboard without knowing how to swim. You will drown. We all drown. Such is life'. Apply this philosophy to your sales presentation on Tuesday this week. There is a Clam on the war-path, and that Clam is heading your way. Make like a dead whale, and play dead.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Your friends will tell you that you have to make up your mind regarding your big problem. They will tell you that you must sink or swim. Remember though,that there is a third option. Try to achieve a state of neutral buoyancy. A famous sailor once remarked that 'A beached whale is like a boy urinating in a church at a wedding. It doesn't look good, it doesn't smell good, and everyone pretends not to notice, even though they are secretly annoyed. Don't be that beached whale. When a Snail and an Octopus get together the results can be hard to predict. So take extra special care on Sunday when you will meet an Octopus in an uncomfortable situation (an industrial-strength stain remover might be required).
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
If your boss offers to take you out for a drink this week you should gently decline...unless you want to contract a 'downstairs' disease and be involved in an unpleasant (and protracted) divorce settlement. Others will spend this week trying to think outside the box. Show them your true genius by turning the box inside out and then thinking inside it. You've always had two secret role models, but up till now they were so secret you didn't know who they were. Let the truth be revealed, for you secretly covet Magic Johnson and Tiger Woods.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Fish are a big thing in your life at the moment. Catching fish and eating fish are what you are all about. Up for a challenge? Then remove all of the labels from any tins in your house. Meal times will then have an element of surprise and danger about them. You know a Squid who is in trouble this week. Time for a bit of Clam-support.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Food may be important for you this week, so it might be preferable if you try eating it. Walk briskly this week, because the winds of opposition will try to slow you down. Break through the winds to achieve success, only by breaking wind will you find happiness. If a Barnacle, Oyster, or Mussel says anything to you at all this week, don't believe them.
The Slug July 26th
You need to go on a low-sodium diet to improve your health...pity this won't improve your looks though. Everything you try to achieve ends up being surrounded in failure, perhaps you should consider early retirement? It's a tough life being a Slug. Nobody likes you, nobody wants to be around you, and nobody can stand your personal hygiene problems. Are you just misunderstood? Actually, no.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
You think that someone is out to get you, you think that they want to see you squashed like a bug. You are wrong. They are wrong. Everyone is wrong. Try to spend one day this week in silence. Communicate only with gestures or bodily odors. You will fall in love with a Squid on 6:45 am on Saturday. By 7:15 you will realize that actually they are quite repulsive.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Clouds are on the horizon. Storm clouds. Storm clouds that will bring rain, hail, thunder, and lightning. Run away. Your week will become focused around @day, when the the number 13, the color orange and someone who has a connection to Miley Cyrus will potentially change your life, or maybe just your bank balance. You will come to the defense of a Barnacle this week when a common friend insults them for "not being a true Mollusk".
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
The current problems with your job are partially due to the monotony that surrounds you. Kick start your career by doing something to shock your colleagues and show them your inner beast. Avoid cheesecake at all costs this week, except on Friday where a small slice of cheesecake will be tolerable (but not if it contains unripened fruit). Wake up at 3:00 AM on Tuesday to remind yourself why it's such a bad idea to get up at 3:00 AM.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
If you spot a dead whale (or other cetacean) this week, then beware! This is an omen, an omen of death...or possibly a big sale at your local fish market. Your friends are being spoons, when all you need is a fork. But being ironic doesn't befit you. You might get some advice about this week from a Scallop about which orifice is most suitable for a particular pursuit that you might try on Wednesday. Please get a second opinion from someone else before you embark on said pursuit.
[?2004h
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment