Take a second look at what you are wearing. Your friends think that it is time that you burn your wardrobe. Maybe they are right? Take the time to make some sense of what you want to say. And cast your words away upon the waves. There is a Clam on the war-path, and that Clam is heading your way. Make like a dead whale, and play dead.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Avoid even numbers this week if possible as they will only bring you trouble. Think of all the great things that might happen to you this week. They may never happen, but at least you're thinking about them. You know a Clam who deserves to be punched...twice!
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Think about what you want, and what you need. Are they the same things? On Saturday your week will take a turn for the worse when you attract the (unwanted) attentions of a born-again reincarnationist. They will try to claim you as their soul-mate. You should run away. You will bump into a Mussel on Monday. They will not know you, and you will not know them. You will not talk to them, and they will not talk to you. But it is a meeting of profound importance to your life and career.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
As the old saying goes 'You can hide a shrimp under a shell, but it's still a shrimp, just a shrimp under a shell'. Heed these words this week, especially if you have any run-ins with the police. This is a good time to give up something, particularly if you have an addiction to any illegal narcotics. There is an Oyster in town who is looking for a good time. You can join in that good time, but be prepared to run up an substantial credit-card bill, and don't expect to see your shoes again anytime soon.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Hold a dinner party on Sunday, but don't invite anyone...that will show them! Even a tiny fly can stop a bullet, if its wings are made of steel. However, your wings are more likely to be made of damp cardboard, which might not be so effective. Invite a Clam to dinner this week on Tuesday. This will be the one day that they can't make, so easy brownie points for you!
The Slug July 26th
There is an elephant in the room. You are the elephant. Your friends talk about you behind your back. Are they pathetic...or are you? On Thursday, the number 93 will signify bad news. Really. Bad. News.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Tiredness will knock on your door this week, so be prepared to consume vast amounts of energy drinks. Something will be hot this week. It could be you, it could be the weather, or it could be some mustard. The heat will be good, just remember to stay cool. Take note of the old saying 'An Oyster and a Scallop is like quarter pounder and cheese...only without the cheese'.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Your enemies are plotting against you. Ignore them, what's the worse that could happen? Why do you do what you think you should do when you don't do what you don't think that you should do? Beware, Clams are plotting against you! And even if they are not actually plotting, they are probably thinking about plotting. And even if they are not thinking, they will be.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
If you make an appointment on Monday then it will be cancelled, delayed or postponed. The trick will therefore be to make the appointment for a day that you can't make. If you start reading a new book this week, but skip over every seventh page, it will lead to an unsatisfying conclusion but you will get the book read that much faster. If a Snail tries buying your affections by spending vast amounts on money on you, then don't fall for it. It may make you happy, but happiness is not everything...at least not when the Snail in question has spent time inside for attempted manslaughter.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
It could be a good time this week to heed the warning 'Clams, fireworks, and alcohol do not mix well'. The current problems with your job are partially due to the monotony that surrounds you. Kick start your career by doing something to shock your colleagues and show them your inner beast. Make some sweet love in the afternoon...about 3:43 pm.
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