Horoscopes for week beginning 8th September

The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th

Put some distance between you and a rival. At least 200 feet, but no more than a mile. If you ever wanted to place a bet on a big race, then this is the week. A horse whose name begins with the letter G will win big.

The Snail
February 20th - March 9th

You work hard but seem to get no reward for your effort. Perhaps this week, you will get effort for your reward. Also, allergies might prove bothersome this week, especially if you work on a farm or are allergic to milk.

The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st

If there was ever a week in which you should enrol in a foreign language class, then this is the week. Dietrary choices may be important in the coming days. Consider avoiding foods that are green or yellow in color.

The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd

This week you will be tired. Tired of work. Tired of family and friends. Tired of life. However, you will sleep soundly. It's no use gazing at the stars if your feet are stuck in the mud. Clean your boots and get your life moving forward again.

The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th

Eggs, or products containing eggs, are best avoided this week. Unless you are certain that they are what you want. Also, think of all the great things that might happen to you. They may never happen, but at least you're thinking about them.

The Slug
July 26th

There will be good news on Wednesday. However, it will turn out to be very bad news by Friday. Be careful what you choose to eat this week...there is a lot of food poisoning about.

The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th

Tiredness will be a big issue this week, so be prepared to consume vast amounts of energy drinks. Is there a door opening up in your life? If so then close it, or at most leave it only slightly ajar.

The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st

Love is all around you this week. You will feel it in your fingers. You will feel it in your toes. The rabbit that runs twice as fast, eats twice as slow. Don't be the rabbit that wins a race but ends up hungry.

The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th

Eat well this week, but don't eat too little, and don't eat too much. Also avoid the wrong types of food and focus on the right types of food. You can dance this week if you think that kicking up your heels will make you happier. By the way, it won't.

The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st

You need to get away from the stress that is currently crushing your spirit. A weekend in an isolation chamber will help you focus. Why do you do what you think you should do when you don't do what you don't think that you should do?