December 2nd - February 19th
Is there a door opening up in your life? If so then close it, or at most leave it only slightly ajar. An important financial decision could prove disastrous if you fail to properly understand the intricacies of global macro-economics. Enhance your chances of success by relying on the time-tested tradition of flipping a coin. Heads means 'Buy' and tails means 'Sell'. Beware the old saying: 'a squid in need is a squid indeed'. It might make no sense, but then again neither does the weather.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
Your watch is making you a prisoner to time. Destroy it. Break it. Smash it up. Be free from the restrictions of a time-delimited schedule...unless you have an important meeting this week. You've set your sights high this week, but as the Chinese proverb warns us 'rain always dampens an egg buried in the ground'. On Monday, walk into the nearest bar after you have finished work and find a friendly Scallop to talk to. If you do not know anyone there, then so much the better.
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
Belief is the key to your problems this week. Belief in the power of a burning flame. Belief in the strength that can only come from catching three green lights in a row. Belief in the proverb that 'Even a lost penguin will find its way home'. It's time to believe. You've always wanted to try drinking a pint of raw eggs...now is the time to try. Sometimes you will try hard to avoid them, you will try your best to pass them by in the street or workplace. But on Sunday there is no escape. You will have to go toe-to-toe with an Octopus. Make sure you have an adequate supply of breath mints.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
It may not make much sense now, but carry an opened umbrella with you on Wednesday (whatever the weather) and you will be thankful that you did. Train yourself to be mentally stronger and reap the rewards. Especially on Tuesday when a chance meeting with a handsome stranger will allow you to think out of the box. You would rather stick a knife in your eye than disclose a less than important secret to your boss.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
If you spot a dead whale (or other cetacean) this week, then beware! This is an omen, an omen of death...or possibly a big sale at your local fish market. Take heed of the old sailors warning 'If you drown, you die'. You might know of a slug who is in trouble this week. But as they are a slug, you probably won't want to help them.
The Slug
July 26th
Have you looked outside recently? If you have you will have noticed that it has been dull and gloomy for some time. A bit like you. You have nothing to offer anyone this week, so it's business as usual. There is a chance that things will go well for you this week...remember though, there is also a chance that pigs might fly.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
A friend in need is a friend indeed...except when they cheat on you behind your back. Keep a careful eye out on those that call themselves your 'friends'. Doubt and uncertainty will cloud your thoughts this week. Try listening to a tall person for advice. Do you know a Limpet? Do you want to know a Limpet? If the answer is yes, then on Wednesday night make your way to where the cool people go. And take lots of loose change with you.
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
Clouds are on the horizon. Storm clouds. Storm clouds that will bring rain, hail, thunder, and lightning. Run away. If you keep putting it off (and you know what I mean by 'it'), it will never get done. Sort it out this week once and for all. A female Mussel friend will give you something very precious this week, try not to blow the moment by commenting on her oversized rear.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
The numbers 6 or 9 (or possibly 28) hold the key to happiness this week. Be wise on Thursday, but timid on Friday. You know which way is north and that ain't no lie.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
You are a fighter, not a quitter. Don't let the bastards grind you down. You have been thinking recently, 'is this the best I can do?'. The answer, sadly, is 'yes'. There is a time and a place for everything. This week, that time will more often that not be 8:22 am.
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