This might be the sort of crazy week where you should try to do the exact opposite of what everyone tries to tell you to do. One exception to this would be if anyone tells you to do the opposite of what you would normally do. Ever had to take over the controls of a plane due to an injury to the pilot? This week might provide an occasion to do just that. On Wednesday you will meet an Octopus who will want to punch your lights out. Did you sleep with their partner behind their back? Only you - or the police - will be able to answer that.
A religious fanatic with a speech impediment will cause you much grief this week. The ship of your dreams is sailing down the river of despair. It's time to take hold of the tiller of fate, and steer yourself to the calm waters of your future. A Squid will get in your way this week. If you are in a car, then it is fine to run them down.
You will not meet any world leaders this week. Try to deal with this unsatisfying news by remaining calm and not attacking anyone with a sporting accessory. Are you happy? Are you sad? Are you content? Are you restless? The answers to 3 of these questions will not be revealed this week. Meet up with an Oyster for a fun time on Sunday.
Are olives really 'the Devil's grape'? This is the week where you will find out. On Tuesday your week will take a turn for the worse when you attract the (unwanted) attentions of a born-again reincarnationist. They will try to claim you as their soul-mate. You should run away. Hook up with an Octopus on Thursday if you want to see a good time that doesn't involve ambulances.
Should you find yourself in a casino this week, then the number 14 might be the key to a little financial surprise (the surprise might involve the words 'your credit card is no longer valid' so be careful). Don't leave your house on Friday afternoon, disaster lurks if you step outside. You may be asked your age this week by a close business colleague...they may be trying to get you into trouble so you should probably lie.
Want some advice? Trying to be popular is never going to work. An alternative solution would be to crawl under a large rock and stay there. Things will be mostly crap for you this week, but on the plus side of things, you will already know exactly what this feels like. This week your colleagues will be trying to heed the words of the old nautical expression 'If you see a Slug, run for your lives'.
Take a second look at what you are wearing. Your friends think that it is time that you burn your wardrobe. Maybe they are right? There may be times this week when you will wonder if you will ever make it to Friday unscathed. If you survive until Thursday evening, then you will be fine. This week, if you meet a Squid that looks at all like Dick Van Dyke then you might be in for some fun times. If however, you meet a Squid that resembles Tiger Woods, then you will almost certainly become violently ill before the end of the week.
You work hard but seem to get no reward for your effort. Perhaps this week, you will get effort for your reward. Wednesday will be a very bad day for you. A very bad day indeed. You might find true love, you may win a large cash sum, and you may even get a promotion. These minor successes will in no way compensate for the badness of the bad thing that will happen to you though. The best thing you can do to help a Slug in trouble this week is remind them what a failure they are and that you would help, only they will probably be in trouble again next week so why bother?
Should you wear yellow on Saturday? No, but you'll do it anyway because you have no sense of fashion. If you spot a dead whale (or other cetacean) this week, then beware! This is an omen, an omen of death...or possibly a big sale at your local fish market. If a Snail tries buying your affections by spending vast amounts on money on you, then don't fall for it. It may make you happy, but happiness is not everything...at least not when the Snail in question has spent time inside for attempted manslaughter.
Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork. The more you finish, the more just keeps piling up on your desk. The solution to your office stress is to buy a box of matches...the rest will become obvious. If you start reading a new book this week, but skip over every seventh page, it will lead to an unsatisfying conclusion but you will get the book read that much faster. You know an Octopus who is almost the perfect person. Polite, charming, attractive, and financially independent. Sadly, you chose to marry their poor, ugly, and alcoholic cousin instead.
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