December 2nd - February 19th
Fish are a big thing in your life at the moment. Catching fish and eating fish are what you are all about. It's no use gazing at the stars if your feet are stuck in the mud. Clean your boots and get your life moving forward again. This is the week where you will need an Oyster by your side, but there will be none to be found. If you get desperate then try searching at either a bar, brothel, or baptism ceremony. These are all natural haunts for the Oyster.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
A trip to the dry-cleaners could provide the impetus you have been looking for to kick-start your business plans. As the old saying goes 'You can hide a shrimp under a shell, but it's still a shrimp, just a shrimp under a shell'. Heed these words this week, especially if you have any run-ins with the police. Avoid roller-coasters at all costs on Saturday.
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
The current problems with your job are partially due to the monotony that surrounds you. Kick start your career by doing something to shock your colleagues and show them your inner beast. In a parallel universe you were born as Mr. Rogers. Don't get too excited, because you are still living in this universe. A Clam in your immediate family will cause trouble by revealing all about your dark secret involving the hamster.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
Embarrassment will loom rather large in your life this week as you are very likely to catch your boss in a somewhat compromising situation involving a small animal and some rubber tubing. Time to remove the 'us' in fuss and put the 'me' in 'medicate'. Whatever anyone says to you, it's not worth telling your boss about...except if you hear a rumor involving mushrooms or anti-wrinkle cream.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
Sailors would sometimes avoid wearing the color pink. They would rather a dolphin spit at them in the eye then wear that color. Heed this advice, particularly on Sunday. Don't leave your house on Friday afternoon, disaster lurks if you step outside. If you have the time, try to track down a trustworthy Mussel that you know on Thursday. Tell them a big secret and see how trustworthy they really are.
The Slug
July 26th
Do you remember that when you were young, that your parents said 'When you grow up, you have the potential to do anything you want to in life'? They were lying. You only have the potential to be a failure. There will be good news on Wednesday this week. However, it will turn out to be very bad news by Friday. Your miserable existence will take a further turn for the worse this week, so be prepared to sink to new lows.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
There is no difference between what you can do and what you think you can do. The only difference is in your mind, or what you think is in your mind. Do you want to feel like crap every morning? If the answer is no, then try eating walnuts before bedtime. On Tuesday, your day will be swiftly ruined by an odious Slug that you know. You can't prevent what they are going to do, the only thing you can do is feel a small degree of satisfaction when you sue them for every penny they've got.
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
Put some distance between you and a rival. At least 60 feet, but no more than a mile. Take an umbrella with you this week when you go to your 'special' appointment. It won't rain but there will be waterworks. A female Mussel friend will give you something very precious this week, try not to blow the moment by commenting on her oversized rear.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
Avoid cheesecake at all costs this week, except on Saturday where a small slice of cheesecake will be tolerable (but not if it contains unripened fruit). Try to look forward to the future this week, but still keep one eye looking over your shoulder as the past may catch you up and spit in your eye. You will find yourself in one of those situations where time is of the essence this week. However, a portly Barnacle involved in a roller-skating experiment is going to ensure that your scheduling goes out the window.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Sad. Sad. Sad. Sad. Which one of these will you be this week? If someone should happen to comment that you look just a little bit like Neil Armstrong, then maybe it's time to consider some heavy duty cosmetic surgery. 'Wham, bam, thank you Clam'...that might be a motto for you to learn this week as Clam-antics in the bedroom will get you all worked up.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment