December 2nd - February 19th
Your friends will tell you that you have to make up your mind regarding your big problem. They will tell you that you must sink or swim. Remember though,that there is a third option. Try to achieve a state of neutral buoyancy. A pink car will loom large in your life (or maybe just your rear-view mirror) on Saturday. Remember to wear your seat belt and try not to have any small animals in your car on that day. This week, you should heed the old nautical expression 'See a Slug, hear a Slug, smell a Slug, hit a Slug'.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
Are you a lion or a mouse? Now is the time to nail your colors to the flag and decide whether you can squeak or roar. They say that you should never comment on a woman's age. Maybe you should try to do it this week to see if that saying still holds true. On Monday, walk into the nearest bar after you have finished work and find a friendly Scallop to talk to. If you do not know anyone there, then so much the better.
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
Try experiencing the quirkier side of life when you next read a book by only reading the odd-numbered pages. Something involving the color red will be on your mind this week and you are not sure if you need a second opinion about what to do. The solution involves getting a second opinion from a friend as to whether you need to get a second opinion. You once knew a Limpet who was vile, repugnant, and had a tendency to sweat heavily. Well bad news for you because that very same family member will be knocking on your door this week.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
Thursday holds a great surprise for you, unless you already know about it. Laughter will fill the air this week. But will it be yours? There is only one way to be sure. Rent a good comedy on DVD and watch with a friend. Remember, your lips are sealed. If you happened to disclose a certain secret to a certain someone this week, then a certain career (i.e. yours) might be ruined.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
Take an umbrella with you this week when you go to your 'special' appointment. It won't rain but there will be waterworks. The current problems with your job are partially due to the monotony that surrounds you. Kick start your career by doing something to shock your colleagues and show them your inner beast. Invite a Clam to dinner this week on Saturday. This will be the one day that they can't make, so easy brownie points for you!
The Slug
July 26th
Things will be mostly crap for you this week, but on the plus side of things, you will already know exactly what this feels like. The person that you have a secret crush on does not feel the same way about you. If they knew how you truly felt, then they would probably be violently ill. Life is looking good for you this week...actually, that's not exactly true. More likely, life is looking very bad for you.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
Life is good at the moment, so be careful not to ruin it all becoming addicted to gambling. Is there a door opening up in your life? If so then close it, or at most leave it only slightly ajar. Get the guys or girls around your place on Thursday for a lurve fest.
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
You are a fighter, not a quitter. Don't let the bastards grind you down. This week you might find yourself inconvenienced in an enclosed space with someone who looks remarkably like Roy Rogers. Does this matter? Only time will tell. A Clam you know will offer to cook for you this week. Be careful, they might have ulterior motives, and they will certainly try spiking your food with Tabasco sauce.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
Think of all the great things that might happen to you this week. They may never happen, but at least you're thinking about them. Something about the number 65 will drive you crazy this week. Luckily, the impending failure of your recent investments on Saturday will keep your mind occupied. Someone will swear at you this week. You will not be happy, in fact you will be livid. In these scenarios, physical retribution is only fair.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
On Sunday your week will take a turn for the worse when you attract the (unwanted) attentions of a born-again reincarnationist. They will try to claim you as their soul-mate. You should run away. Eat, drink, and be merry. But not if you are driving or are a recovering alcoholic. In which case you should just eat. Tick tock, someone will be running late for a meeting with you. They are lazy fools.
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