December 2nd - February 19th
You will breathe more deeply this week when things that you want appear on the horizon, in a shimmering cloud. It may not make much sense now, but carry an opened umbrella with you on Wednesday (whatever the weather) and you will be thankful that you did. On a good day, a Barnacle and a Clam can be as an effective a double act as C. G. Jung and Tiger Woods.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
Food may be important for you this week, so it might be preferable if you try eating it. You can dance this week if you think that kicking up your heels will make you happier. By the way, it won't. A Squid will get in your way this week. If you are in a car, then it is fine to run them down.
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
A forthcoming trip is causing you much stress, Speak to your doctor for advice. You will be attracted to someone in a position of power this week. Do not give in to temptation, make sure they get the cold shoulder. Ever been on holiday with a Scallop before? They'll buy you a lot of drinks but they'll expect certain favors in return. You might not like the sound - or the smell - of those favors.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
Others will spend this week trying to think outside the box. Show them your true genius by turning the box inside out and then thinking inside it. If you smoke, then this is a good week to give up. If you don't smoke, then maybe this is a good week to try. If you put a Clam and an Octopus together, it is a bit like Laurel and Hardy. There will be much stupidity and much clumsiness. There will also be a lot of pain.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
This is a great week for trying something completely new such as listening to jazz, ballroom dancing, or invading a neighboring country. A religious fanatic with a speech impediment will cause you much grief this week. Try applying for a passport using a false identity. It might not work, you might be arrested, but it might be fun trying.
The Slug
July 26th
You have dandruff, do something about it! Is it possible for everyone you know to violently dislike you? Yes. It is. You may have heard of the saying "Don't worry, be happy"...well, that doesn't apply to miserable idiots like you.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
A friend in need is a friend indeed...except when they cheat on you behind your back. Keep a careful eye out on those that call themselves your 'friends'. You will have an important meeting with your boss this week. Be careful, the wrong choice of shoes will prove disastrous to your career. Ever hear the joke about the Oyster and the Snail who lived next door to each other. They drove each other to drink. Then they drove each other to hard drugs. Then they became the best of friends and started playing Scrabble together on a regular basis. Let that be a lesson to you (if you live next door to any Snails).
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
Making more room for music this week will ease current frustrations. The more avant-garde the music the better, and 50's Jazz will particularly prove helpful. This week you might find yourself inconvenienced in an enclosed space with someone who looks remarkably like Charles Dickens. Does this matter? Only time will tell. On Tuesday just remind yourself that you are lucky to not have been born a Slug.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
An important financial decision could prove disastrous if you fail to properly understand the intricacies of global macro-economics. Enhance your chances of success by relying on the time-tested tradition of flipping a coin. Heads means 'Buy' and tails means 'Sell'. You want what you cannot have. You have what you no longer want. Such is life. You are starting to tire of a colleague's constant profanity in the workplace. It would be great if they were to 'accidentally' be punched in the throat. Well one can dream.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
Is there a ray of light at the end of the tunnel? A chance meeting on Thursday with a gynecologist might provide some answers. Train yourself to be mentally stronger and reap the rewards. Especially on Tuesday when a chance meeting with a handsome stranger will allow you to think outside the box. You're a Mussel, so that's good. But you know a Barnacle who resembles Marilyn Monroe a little too much for your liking, so that's not so good. Well that's life I guess, it's all about balance.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment