The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Think about what you want, and what you need. Are they the same things? Fish are a big thing in your life at the moment. Catching fish and eating fish are what you are all about. Your enemies might tell you that you are not a proper mollusk this week, i.e. that you don't belong in society. Ignore them and you will be more of a mollusk than they could ever be.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
You are a genius, only no-one knows it. Maybe you should try telling people. Take a loved one on a surprise vacation this week and they will be very appreciative, especially if you take them overseas. Avoid roller-coasters at all costs on Tuesday.
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
There is a 32% probability that someone who looks like Jane Austen will shower you with unusual gifts on Monday. This will only happen though if you are wearing red Eat well, sleep well, and make sure you put the cat out because you will need a lot of energy to get through this week. Meet up with a Squid this week for some fun and frolics...beware that alcohol and silicon-based lubricants may be involved.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
It's no use gazing at the stars if your feet are stuck in the mud. Clean your boots and get your life moving forward again. Now is a good time to live life in the fast lane and be daring and bold. Try wearing one less item of clothing than usual. There is an old saying that goes something like this: 'A Clam, a Clam, a Clam! All I need is a Clam...but a Barnacle might be ok as well'. Heed this warning on Sunday.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
If you spot a dead whale (or other cetacean) this week, then beware! This is an omen, an omen of death...or possibly a big sale at your local fish market. As the old saying goes 'You can hide a shrimp under a shell, but it's still a shrimp, just a shrimp under a shell'. Heed these words this week, especially if you have any run-ins with the police. Bless your Barnacles, for a Barnacle will come to save the day for you on Saturday. You would have never guessed that peanut butter would prove so useful.
The Slug
July 26th
You need to go on a low-sodium diet to improve your health...pity this won't improve your looks though. Days to avoid this week include Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. Also Monday might be bad and Friday has an outside chance of being a miserable day. Wednesday is not looking too good either. But Tuesday will be ok...except if you have to talk to anyone in which case it will be a very bad day indeed. A friend will come to you seek your advice on a sensitive subject this week. They will also come to deeply regret asking you about anything because your advice sucks.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
Ever had to take over the controls of a plane due to an injury to the pilot? This week might provide an occasion to do just that. The number 32 will have special significance on Saturday, but sadly you will never realize just what that significance is, and so it will all be a bit wasted on you. You will get romantically entangled with an Octopus this week. They will regret it, but the quantities of alcohol involved mean that you won't remember anything so don't worry too much about it.
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
Numbers will prove problematic for you this week. It could be a birthday or other important date, or it could be the lottery. Step wisely when choosing any number. The color red will be very important to you this week. Especially on Monday, and when connected to the number 71, and if tomato juice is involved, then let's just say that it will be a day to remember. A Clam you know will offer to cook for you this week. Be careful, they might have ulterior motives, and they will certainly try spiking your food with Tabasco sauce.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
A trip to the dry-cleaners could provide the impetus you have been looking for to kick-start your business plans. You will breathe more deeply this week when things that you want appear on the horizon, in a shimmering cloud. When a Squid and an Octopus meet it's full-on tentacle action. So if you are out and about on Thursday, then make sure you take enough moisturizer.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
An accident involving tofu will cause you to dial the emergency services this week. Make sure that you have plenty of warmed milk to hand, and don't worry about the resulting stains. Your weight, or the weight of someone important around you, may become a discussion point this week. Make some sweet love in the afternoon...about 3:43 pm.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 20th June 2011
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Fish are a big thing in your life at the moment. Catching fish and eating fish are what you are all about. Now is a good time to live life in the fast lane and be daring and bold. Try wearing one less item of clothing than usual. Your enemies might tell you that you are not a proper mollusk this week, i.e. that you don't belong in society. Ignore them and you will be more of a mollusk than they could ever be.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
Sometimes it is good to try something new. Thursday will offer you the best chance that you will ever have to try something new that involves cheese. You think that someone is out to get you, you think that they want to see you squashed like a bug. You are wrong. They are wrong. Everyone is wrong. Stupid is as stupid does, and as stupidity goes, a run in on Saturday with a Slug will have you reaching for your gun (metaphorically). Shoot down the Slug (metaphorically speaking) before they shoot down your dreams.
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
They say that 'you are what you eat'. But what if you are a cannibal and ate someone famous...would you become that person? You need to get away from the stress that is currently crushing your spirit. A weekend in an isolation chamber will help you focus. You will bump into a Mussel on Tuesday. They will not know you, and you will not know them. You will not talk to them, and they will not talk to you. But it is a meeting of profound importance to your life and career.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
An important financial decision could prove disastrous if you fail to properly understand the intricacies of global macro-economics. Enhance your chances of success by relying on the time-tested tradition of flipping a coin. Heads means 'Buy' and tails means 'Sell'. You will have an important meeting with your boss this week. Be careful, the wrong choice of shoes will prove disastrous to your career. There is an old saying that goes something like this: 'A Clam, a Clam, a Clam! All I need is a Clam...but a Barnacle might be ok as well'. Heed this warning on Sunday.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
If you can get away with it, try to eat everything with a spoon on Thursday. It will impress a secret admirer. You've set your sights high this week, but as the Chinese proverb warns us 'rain always dampens an egg buried in the ground'. Try applying for a passport using a false identity. It might not work, you might be arrested, but it might be fun trying.
The Slug
July 26th
Improve your popularity this week by a) not saying anything to anyone and b) wearing a bag over your head. Everything you try to achieve ends up being surrounded in failure, perhaps you should consider early retirement? One more week on the planet, means another week of learning and discovery; it also means that you're one week closer to your death.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
Indecision will be your undoing this week. You will say yes, only to then say no. You say will 'large iced latte' only to change your mind to a 'small Americano'. You will say 'I do' only to then have second thoughts and run out the church. Don't do things that you don't want to do, unless you do want to do the things that you think that you don't want to do. Other Mollusks would say that 'one-on-one is fun', but you are an Oyster, in which case you should adhere to the 'eight-on-eight is great' school of bedroom philosophy.
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
Big developments will occur in the bedroom this week. Make sure your sheets are clean. It could be a good time this week to heed the warning 'Clams, fireworks, and alcohol do not mix well'. Your sex-life could be greatly improved by judicious use of peanut butter this week. Naturally, 'Crunchy' would be better than 'Smooth'.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
Happiness. Happiness. Happiness. Happiness. Happiness. It's a happy week! The rabbit that runs twice as fast, eats twice as slow. Don't be the rabbit that wins a race but ends up hungry. When you and a Limpet get together on Thursday, sparks will literally fly. That's what you get when a chance encounter with a welder goes horribly wrong.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
If you wear too much make-up on Monday, you could be in for trouble when someone close to you mistakes you for someone even closer to them. You can dance this week if you think that kicking up your heels will make you happier. By the way, it won't. There is a time and a place for everything. This week, that time will more often that not be 8:22 am.
December 2nd - February 19th
Fish are a big thing in your life at the moment. Catching fish and eating fish are what you are all about. Now is a good time to live life in the fast lane and be daring and bold. Try wearing one less item of clothing than usual. Your enemies might tell you that you are not a proper mollusk this week, i.e. that you don't belong in society. Ignore them and you will be more of a mollusk than they could ever be.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
Sometimes it is good to try something new. Thursday will offer you the best chance that you will ever have to try something new that involves cheese. You think that someone is out to get you, you think that they want to see you squashed like a bug. You are wrong. They are wrong. Everyone is wrong. Stupid is as stupid does, and as stupidity goes, a run in on Saturday with a Slug will have you reaching for your gun (metaphorically). Shoot down the Slug (metaphorically speaking) before they shoot down your dreams.
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
They say that 'you are what you eat'. But what if you are a cannibal and ate someone famous...would you become that person? You need to get away from the stress that is currently crushing your spirit. A weekend in an isolation chamber will help you focus. You will bump into a Mussel on Tuesday. They will not know you, and you will not know them. You will not talk to them, and they will not talk to you. But it is a meeting of profound importance to your life and career.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
An important financial decision could prove disastrous if you fail to properly understand the intricacies of global macro-economics. Enhance your chances of success by relying on the time-tested tradition of flipping a coin. Heads means 'Buy' and tails means 'Sell'. You will have an important meeting with your boss this week. Be careful, the wrong choice of shoes will prove disastrous to your career. There is an old saying that goes something like this: 'A Clam, a Clam, a Clam! All I need is a Clam...but a Barnacle might be ok as well'. Heed this warning on Sunday.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
If you can get away with it, try to eat everything with a spoon on Thursday. It will impress a secret admirer. You've set your sights high this week, but as the Chinese proverb warns us 'rain always dampens an egg buried in the ground'. Try applying for a passport using a false identity. It might not work, you might be arrested, but it might be fun trying.
The Slug
July 26th
Improve your popularity this week by a) not saying anything to anyone and b) wearing a bag over your head. Everything you try to achieve ends up being surrounded in failure, perhaps you should consider early retirement? One more week on the planet, means another week of learning and discovery; it also means that you're one week closer to your death.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
Indecision will be your undoing this week. You will say yes, only to then say no. You say will 'large iced latte' only to change your mind to a 'small Americano'. You will say 'I do' only to then have second thoughts and run out the church. Don't do things that you don't want to do, unless you do want to do the things that you think that you don't want to do. Other Mollusks would say that 'one-on-one is fun', but you are an Oyster, in which case you should adhere to the 'eight-on-eight is great' school of bedroom philosophy.
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
Big developments will occur in the bedroom this week. Make sure your sheets are clean. It could be a good time this week to heed the warning 'Clams, fireworks, and alcohol do not mix well'. Your sex-life could be greatly improved by judicious use of peanut butter this week. Naturally, 'Crunchy' would be better than 'Smooth'.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
Happiness. Happiness. Happiness. Happiness. Happiness. It's a happy week! The rabbit that runs twice as fast, eats twice as slow. Don't be the rabbit that wins a race but ends up hungry. When you and a Limpet get together on Thursday, sparks will literally fly. That's what you get when a chance encounter with a welder goes horribly wrong.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
If you wear too much make-up on Monday, you could be in for trouble when someone close to you mistakes you for someone even closer to them. You can dance this week if you think that kicking up your heels will make you happier. By the way, it won't. There is a time and a place for everything. This week, that time will more often that not be 8:22 am.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 13th June 2011
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Indecision will be your undoing this week. You will say yes, only to then say no. You say will 'large iced latte' only to change your mind to a 'small Americano'. You will say 'I do' only to then have second thoughts and run out the church. Sailors would sometimes avoid wearing the color orange. They would rather a dolphin spit at them in the eye then wear that color. Heed this advice, particularly on Thursday. A collision with a Limpet will literally knock you off your feet this week. Don't spend much time arguing whose fault it was but instead try to reach a consensus that it was due to a stupid Slug that you know.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
A pretty young woman connected to the number 23 will be involved in a bizarre gardening accident this week. You may or may not know this woman. Are olives really 'the Devil's grape'? This is the week where you will find out. Would you ever be so stupid to get drunk with a Scallop on a work night, and then go to one of those clubs that your mother warned you about? The answer to this question will be revealed on Tuesday.
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
If you wear too much make-up on Monday, you could be in for trouble when someone close to you mistakes you for someone even closer to them. Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork. The more you finish, the more just keeps piling up on your desk. The solution to your office stress is to buy a box of matches...the rest will become obvious. 'Slow-but-steady' may be the motto of your so-called Snail 'friend'. But what if they are speeding around with you partner behind your back? Don't be heartbroken, just think of how much money they have and then think about that good old word 'blackmail'.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
A ship needs a rudder, a ship needs a captain, and a ship needs appropriate health and safety information. Who is the captain of your ship, and who has their hand on the rudder? And most importantly, do you have a life-jacket? When you walk this week, take only tiny steps. It may take you longer to get where you going, but Rome wasn't built in a day. There is an Oyster in town who is looking for a good time. You can join in that good time, but be prepared to run up an substantial credit-card bill, and don't expect to see your shoes again anytime soon.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
Think about what you want, and what you need. Are they the same things? Fish are a big thing in your life at the moment. Catching fish and eating fish are what you are all about. Limpets, Limpets everywhere, but not a drop of love to spare. Well this might be the case for you on Monday when a rabid, potentially-drunk Limpet will cause plenty of trouble for you.
The Slug
July 26th
You have tried so hard, and accomplished so little. Now is the time to give up. In a week where everything that can go wrong, will go wrong, you just have to accept that this is largely your fault. Is it possible for everyone you know to violently dislike you? Yes. It is.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
A few things to avoid this week if you know what's good for you: cold tea, hot milk, three-legged animals, North Dakota, and books with the word 'fun' in their title. Time to remove the 'us' in fuss and put the 'me' in 'medicate'. Get the guys or girls around your place on Sunday for a lurve fest.
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
A little rodent problem will cause you a major headache this week. Who knew that rats liked ice-cream? Food may be important for you this week, so it might be preferable if you try eating it. That stranger who you keep seeing in your neighborhood, the one who looks a bit like Tiger Woods, well you can rest easy because they're not Julia Roberts at all.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
The numbers 6 or 9 (or possibly 28) hold the key to happiness this week. Sunday will be a very bad day for you. A very bad day indeed. You might find true love, you may win a large cash sum, and you may even get a promotion. These minor successes will in no way compensate for the badness of the bad thing that will happen to you though. Turn up on time for a meeting with a Clam on Monday and experience the 'Clocktopus Effect' - a beneficial outcome that will have arisen because you were on time.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
Eat well, sleep well, and make sure you put the cat out because you will need a lot of energy to get through this week. Ancient mariners used to say that spotting a whale traveling westwards on a Wednesday, meant that you would suffer a bodily discharge on Thursday. Heed these words. Remember, it is always better to arrive early. Arriving late is a sign of a drunken loser.
December 2nd - February 19th
Indecision will be your undoing this week. You will say yes, only to then say no. You say will 'large iced latte' only to change your mind to a 'small Americano'. You will say 'I do' only to then have second thoughts and run out the church. Sailors would sometimes avoid wearing the color orange. They would rather a dolphin spit at them in the eye then wear that color. Heed this advice, particularly on Thursday. A collision with a Limpet will literally knock you off your feet this week. Don't spend much time arguing whose fault it was but instead try to reach a consensus that it was due to a stupid Slug that you know.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
A pretty young woman connected to the number 23 will be involved in a bizarre gardening accident this week. You may or may not know this woman. Are olives really 'the Devil's grape'? This is the week where you will find out. Would you ever be so stupid to get drunk with a Scallop on a work night, and then go to one of those clubs that your mother warned you about? The answer to this question will be revealed on Tuesday.
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
If you wear too much make-up on Monday, you could be in for trouble when someone close to you mistakes you for someone even closer to them. Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork. The more you finish, the more just keeps piling up on your desk. The solution to your office stress is to buy a box of matches...the rest will become obvious. 'Slow-but-steady' may be the motto of your so-called Snail 'friend'. But what if they are speeding around with you partner behind your back? Don't be heartbroken, just think of how much money they have and then think about that good old word 'blackmail'.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
A ship needs a rudder, a ship needs a captain, and a ship needs appropriate health and safety information. Who is the captain of your ship, and who has their hand on the rudder? And most importantly, do you have a life-jacket? When you walk this week, take only tiny steps. It may take you longer to get where you going, but Rome wasn't built in a day. There is an Oyster in town who is looking for a good time. You can join in that good time, but be prepared to run up an substantial credit-card bill, and don't expect to see your shoes again anytime soon.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
Think about what you want, and what you need. Are they the same things? Fish are a big thing in your life at the moment. Catching fish and eating fish are what you are all about. Limpets, Limpets everywhere, but not a drop of love to spare. Well this might be the case for you on Monday when a rabid, potentially-drunk Limpet will cause plenty of trouble for you.
The Slug
July 26th
You have tried so hard, and accomplished so little. Now is the time to give up. In a week where everything that can go wrong, will go wrong, you just have to accept that this is largely your fault. Is it possible for everyone you know to violently dislike you? Yes. It is.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
A few things to avoid this week if you know what's good for you: cold tea, hot milk, three-legged animals, North Dakota, and books with the word 'fun' in their title. Time to remove the 'us' in fuss and put the 'me' in 'medicate'. Get the guys or girls around your place on Sunday for a lurve fest.
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
A little rodent problem will cause you a major headache this week. Who knew that rats liked ice-cream? Food may be important for you this week, so it might be preferable if you try eating it. That stranger who you keep seeing in your neighborhood, the one who looks a bit like Tiger Woods, well you can rest easy because they're not Julia Roberts at all.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
The numbers 6 or 9 (or possibly 28) hold the key to happiness this week. Sunday will be a very bad day for you. A very bad day indeed. You might find true love, you may win a large cash sum, and you may even get a promotion. These minor successes will in no way compensate for the badness of the bad thing that will happen to you though. Turn up on time for a meeting with a Clam on Monday and experience the 'Clocktopus Effect' - a beneficial outcome that will have arisen because you were on time.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
Eat well, sleep well, and make sure you put the cat out because you will need a lot of energy to get through this week. Ancient mariners used to say that spotting a whale traveling westwards on a Wednesday, meant that you would suffer a bodily discharge on Thursday. Heed these words. Remember, it is always better to arrive early. Arriving late is a sign of a drunken loser.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 6th June 2011
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
A religious fanatic with a speech impediment will cause you much grief this week. This might be the sort of crazy week where you should try to do the exact opposite of what everyone tries to tell you to do. One exception to this would be if anyone tells you to do the opposite of what you would normally do. Beware the old saying: 'a Squid in need is a Squid indeed'. It might make no sense, but then again neither does the weather.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
Why do you do what you think you should do when you don't do what you don't think that you should do? Your friends are being spoons, when all you need is a fork. But being ironic doesn't befit you. Stupid is as stupid does, and as stupidity goes, a run in on Monday with a Slug will have you reaching for your gun (metaphorically). Shoot down the Slug (metaphorically speaking) before they shoot down your dreams.
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
It could be a good time this week to heed the warning 'Clams, fireworks, and alcohol do not mix well'. A forthcoming trip is causing you much stress, Speak to your doctor for advice. A Clam in your immediate family will cause trouble by revealing all about your dark secret involving the hamster.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
Is there a ray of light at the end of the tunnel? A chance meeting on Wednesday with a gynecologist might provide some answers. If your boss offers to take you out for a drink this week you should gently decline...unless you want to contract a 'downstairs' disease and be involved in an unpleasant (and protracted) divorce settlement. You are not Sean Connery, so don't try to act like them...unless you have a good lawyer of course.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
The number 73 will have special significance on Saturday, but sadly you will never realize just what that significance is, and so it will all be a bit wasted on you. The numbers 6 or 9 (or possibly 28) hold the key to happiness this week. Bless your Barnacles, for a Barnacle will come to save the day for you on Saturday. You would have never guessed that peanut butter would prove so useful.
The Slug
July 26th
Have you looked outside recently? If you have you will have noticed that it has been dull and gloomy for some time. A bit like you. One more week on the planet, means another week of learning and discovery; it also means that you're one week closer to your death. The person that you have a secret crush on does not feel the same way about you. If they knew how you truly felt, then they would probably be violently ill.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
If there was ever a week to shut the curtains, stay in bed, and hide under the duvet like a frightened kitten, then this is the week...unless you need to go out. A famous sailor once said "You can kiss a mermaid, but you might still die of scurvy"...these words will have special significance for you this week. Ever get stuck in an elevator with a Barnacle? Well be prepared for that eventuality on Friday. Also be prepared for a very bad body odor problem.
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
You will see someone this week who looks suspiciously like Julia Child. This will have no bearing on your life whatsoever. If you spot a dead whale (or other cetacean) this week, then beware! This is an omen, an omen of death...or possibly a big sale at your local fish market. You might find it useful to spend some this week in the company of seagulls. Just make sure you wear appropriate headwear.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
A pretty young woman connected to the number 46 will be involved in a bizarre gardening accident this week. You may or may not know this woman. Embarrassment will loom rather large in your life this week as you are very likely to catch your boss in a somewhat compromising situation involving a small animal and some rubber tubing. This will be a week full of stress and angst for you. Try releasing that angst by finding a Slug that lives in your street. Wait for them to leave their home and then paint the words 'I am better than you' on their doors and windows. You will feel much better.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
Something will be hot this week. It could be you, it could be the weather, or it could be some mustard. The heat will be good, just remember to stay cool. Take the time to make some sense of what you want to say. And cast your words away upon the waves. There is a Squid that you really like. There is a Squid that really likes you. Unfortunately they are half your age and live on the other side of the world.
December 2nd - February 19th
A religious fanatic with a speech impediment will cause you much grief this week. This might be the sort of crazy week where you should try to do the exact opposite of what everyone tries to tell you to do. One exception to this would be if anyone tells you to do the opposite of what you would normally do. Beware the old saying: 'a Squid in need is a Squid indeed'. It might make no sense, but then again neither does the weather.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
Why do you do what you think you should do when you don't do what you don't think that you should do? Your friends are being spoons, when all you need is a fork. But being ironic doesn't befit you. Stupid is as stupid does, and as stupidity goes, a run in on Monday with a Slug will have you reaching for your gun (metaphorically). Shoot down the Slug (metaphorically speaking) before they shoot down your dreams.
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
It could be a good time this week to heed the warning 'Clams, fireworks, and alcohol do not mix well'. A forthcoming trip is causing you much stress, Speak to your doctor for advice. A Clam in your immediate family will cause trouble by revealing all about your dark secret involving the hamster.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
Is there a ray of light at the end of the tunnel? A chance meeting on Wednesday with a gynecologist might provide some answers. If your boss offers to take you out for a drink this week you should gently decline...unless you want to contract a 'downstairs' disease and be involved in an unpleasant (and protracted) divorce settlement. You are not Sean Connery, so don't try to act like them...unless you have a good lawyer of course.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
The number 73 will have special significance on Saturday, but sadly you will never realize just what that significance is, and so it will all be a bit wasted on you. The numbers 6 or 9 (or possibly 28) hold the key to happiness this week. Bless your Barnacles, for a Barnacle will come to save the day for you on Saturday. You would have never guessed that peanut butter would prove so useful.
The Slug
July 26th
Have you looked outside recently? If you have you will have noticed that it has been dull and gloomy for some time. A bit like you. One more week on the planet, means another week of learning and discovery; it also means that you're one week closer to your death. The person that you have a secret crush on does not feel the same way about you. If they knew how you truly felt, then they would probably be violently ill.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
If there was ever a week to shut the curtains, stay in bed, and hide under the duvet like a frightened kitten, then this is the week...unless you need to go out. A famous sailor once said "You can kiss a mermaid, but you might still die of scurvy"...these words will have special significance for you this week. Ever get stuck in an elevator with a Barnacle? Well be prepared for that eventuality on Friday. Also be prepared for a very bad body odor problem.
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
You will see someone this week who looks suspiciously like Julia Child. This will have no bearing on your life whatsoever. If you spot a dead whale (or other cetacean) this week, then beware! This is an omen, an omen of death...or possibly a big sale at your local fish market. You might find it useful to spend some this week in the company of seagulls. Just make sure you wear appropriate headwear.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
A pretty young woman connected to the number 46 will be involved in a bizarre gardening accident this week. You may or may not know this woman. Embarrassment will loom rather large in your life this week as you are very likely to catch your boss in a somewhat compromising situation involving a small animal and some rubber tubing. This will be a week full of stress and angst for you. Try releasing that angst by finding a Slug that lives in your street. Wait for them to leave their home and then paint the words 'I am better than you' on their doors and windows. You will feel much better.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
Something will be hot this week. It could be you, it could be the weather, or it could be some mustard. The heat will be good, just remember to stay cool. Take the time to make some sense of what you want to say. And cast your words away upon the waves. There is a Squid that you really like. There is a Squid that really likes you. Unfortunately they are half your age and live on the other side of the world.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
