Should you wear green on Friday? No, but you'll do it anyway because you have no sense of fashion. See a penny, pick it up, and all day long you'll have good luck...or will you??? Beware the old saying: 'a Squid in need is a Squid indeed'. It might make no sense, but then again neither does the weather.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
You work hard but seem to get no reward for your effort. Perhaps this week, you will get effort for your reward. There are many things that you would like to try this week. But remember 'do or do not, there is no try'. It is imperative that you find a roller coaster to ride on Saturday. Your life needs some excitement, and if you want an added kick, don't wear the safety harness.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
It could be a good time this week to heed the warning 'Clams, fireworks, and alcohol do not mix well'. You think that someone is out to get you, you think that they want to see you squashed like a bug. You are wrong. They are wrong. Everyone is wrong. A Clam in your immediate family will cause trouble by revealing all about your dark secret involving the hamster.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
If you start reading a new book this week, but skip over every seventh page, it will lead to an unsatisfying conclusion but you will get the book read that much faster. Sometimes it is good to try something new. Tuesday will offer you the best chance that you will ever have to try something new that involves cheese. You are not Clint Eastwood, so don't try to act like them...unless you have a good lawyer of course.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
If you smoke, then this is a good week to give up. If you don't smoke, then maybe this is a good week to try. Mishearing the phrase 'Mass perturbation' will prove your undoing this week. Have your excuses at the ready. When you and that lovable Oyster colleague of yours get together, then sparks will fly. Unfortunately, that might lead to a charge of arson this week, so best cancel that Sunday night get-together.
The Slug July 26th
One more week on the planet, means another week of learning and discovery; it also means that you're one week closer to your death. On Thursday, the number 50 will signify bad news. Really. Bad. News. The number 9 will be important for you this week. This will possibly be an amount of money that you will lose, or the number of days you might be held for questioning by the police.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
A purple car will loom large in your life (or maybe just your rear-view mirror) on Wednesday. Remember to wear your seat belt and try not to have any small animals in your car on that day. A woman bearing gifts might not be the present-carrying-female that she seems. Be wary if she (if it is a she) tries making you any toast. How many times do you get a Mussel trying to chat you up over a drink and a hot dog? Well this is the week where a Mussel with a point to prove will try to ply you with hot dogs and beer. Just go easy on the mustard!
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Avoid photographs this week if you think that your illicit affair may be caught on camera. You will be troubled by two legs on Tuesday and four legs on Friday. A distantly-related Octopus will offer an interesting opportunity to you this week. Whether to accept that offer will depend heavily on a) whether you trust your wife and b) how quickly you are prepared to learn Korean.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
On Monday you will learn the important difference between a large ukulele and a small guitar. Your week will become focused around @day, when the the number 82, the color white and someone who has a connection to John Katz will potentially change your life, or maybe just your bank balance. A portly Mussel that you work with will literally get in your way this week. You might want to tactfully suggest that the fat lump of lard should go on a diet.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
A famous sailor once said "You can kiss a mermaid, but you might still die of scurvy"...these words will have special significance for you this week. People will tell you that life can have its ups and downs, but they never tell you to watch out for the sideways. Try relaxing on Thursday evening in the company of an Oyster. Just make sure you don't let them consume too much alcohol else they might leave you with an embarrassing stain to clear up.
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