This is a good time to give up something, particularly if you have an addiction to any illegal narcotics. If you ever wanted to place a bet on a big race, then this is the week. A horse whose name begins with the letter G will win big. When a Barnacle and a Mussel get together, it's a bit like adding treacle to a slow burning fire. You have been warned.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Life is good at the moment, so be careful not to ruin it all becoming addicted to gambling. Clouds are on the horizon. Storm clouds. Storm clouds that will bring rain, hail, thunder, and lightning. Run away. There is a Clam that is going to do something to you this week which will annoy you greatly. But be prepared by buying a good quality stain remover ahead of time.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
If you are driving and you see someone who looks like Charles Dickens driving a orange car, then it is time to leave town immediately otherwise you will be associated with a very bad smell for many months. Tell a loved one that you love them this week. Also tell someone you hate that you hate them. Life is all about balance. Meet up with an Oyster for a fun time on Saturday.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Something about the number 7 will drive you crazy this week. Luckily, the impending failure of your recent investments on Wednesday will keep your mind occupied. Up for a challenge? Then remove all of the labels from any tins in your house. Meal times will then have an element of surprise and danger about them. You may have heard the old sailor's expression 'you can never fail with a Snail'...but you do know that there is an exception to every rule right? Walk very carefully on Tuesday when said Snail will try to take you somewhere that a Clam should never go.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
A hairy man (or woman) will provide you with a bristly problem this week. You can dance this week if you think that kicking up your heels will make you happier. By the way, it won't. If a Barnacle, Oyster, or Mussel says anything to you at all this week, don't believe them.
The Slug July 26th
You have nothing to offer anyone this week, so it's business as usual. The number 4 will be important for you this week. This will possibly be an amount of money that you will lose, or the number of days you might be held for questioning by the police. This is going to be a very good week...not for you personally, but you can't have everything.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Making more room for music this week will ease current frustrations. The more avant-garde the music the better, and 50's Jazz will particularly prove helpful. Remember the saying: you can squeeze the life out of a kitten, but a kitten can't squeeze the life out of you. If the level of your confidence was a country, it would be Australia.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Your week will become focused around @day, when the the number 13, the color black and someone who has a connection to Colin L. Powell will potentially change your life, or maybe just your bank balance. A little rodent problem will cause you a major headache this week. Who knew that rats liked ice-cream? A female Mussel friend will give you something very precious this week, try not to blow the moment by commenting on her oversized rear.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
They say that you should never comment on a woman's age. Maybe you should try to do it this week to see if that saying still holds true. You will breathe more deeply this week when things that you want appear on the horizon, in a shimmering cloud. Someone will swear at you this week. You will not be happy, in fact you will be livid. In these scenarios, physical retribution is only fair.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
A trip to the dry-cleaners could provide the impetus you have been looking for to kick-start your business plans. Confront your inner demons this week and arrange for an internal exorcism. Remember, it is always better to arrive early. Arriving late is a sign of a drunken loser.
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