There is no difference between what you can do and what you think you can do. The only difference is in your mind, or what you think is in your mind. The question everyone will be asking this week is 'are you Jacqueline Kennedy Onasis in disguise?'. No, I don't know what this means either. This week, you should heed the old nautical expression 'See a Slug, hear a Slug, smell a Slug, hit a Slug'.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Try to look forward to the future this week, but still keep one eye looking over your shoulder as the past may catch you up and spit in your eye. Happiness. Happiness. Happiness. Happiness. Happiness. It's a happy week! Watch out for a Barnacle in a hurry on Sunday. If you time it correctly, you will only end up with a small stain to show for their clumsiness. If you get your timing wrong however, you might be facing a stay in the hospital and you won't be eating solids for a long time.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Making more room for music this week will ease current frustrations. The more avant-garde the music the better, and 50's Jazz will particularly prove helpful. You work hard but seem to get no reward for your effort. Perhaps this week, you will get effort for your reward. 'Slow-but-steady' may be the motto of your so-called Snail 'friend'. But what if they are speeding around with you partner behind your back? Don't be heartbroken, just think of how much money they have and then think about that good old word 'blackmail'.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Something will be hot this week. It could be you, it could be the weather, or it could be some mustard. The heat will be good, just remember to stay cool. It may not make much sense now, but carry an opened umbrella with you on Wednesday (whatever the weather) and you will be thankful that you did. Remember, your lips are sealed. If you happened to disclose a certain secret to a certain someone this week, then a certain career (i.e. yours) might be ruined.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
A man connected with the number 74 will bring you joy and a woman connected with the number -4 will bring you great sorrow. Take the time to make some sense of what you want to say. And cast your words away upon the waves. Throw yourself into the (many) arms of an Octopus this week and you will find out whether what they say about an Octopus in an elevator is true.
The Slug July 26th
This week your colleagues will be trying to heed the words of the old nautical expression 'If you see a Slug, run for your lives'. You've been thinking about having some minor cosmetic surgery done, but here's a word of warning...if you polish a turd, it's still a turd. Just give up making any sort of plans this week. They will all fail so best stay in bed.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
In a year's time you might consider running a marathon or eating a Snickers bar. Either way, this week is when you should start your preparations. You want what you cannot have. You have what you no longer want. Such is life. You will fall in love with a Squid on 6:45 am on Thursday. By 7:15 you will realize that actually they are quite repulsive.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Confront your inner demons this week and arrange for an internal exorcism. Numbers will prove problematic for you this week. It could be a birthday or other important date, or it could be the lottery. Step wisely when choosing any number. You might find it useful to spend some this week in the company of seagulls. Just make sure you wear appropriate headwear.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
They say that you should never comment on a woman's age. Maybe you should try to do it this week to see if that saying still holds true. Now is a good time to live life in the fast lane and be daring and bold. Try wearing one less item of clothing than usual. When you and a Limpet get together on Thursday, sparks will literally fly. That's what you get when a chance encounter with a welder goes horribly wrong.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
If you smoke, then this is a good week to give up. If you don't smoke, then maybe this is a good week to try. Hold a dinner party on Thursday, but don't invite anyone...that will show them! There is a Squid that you really like. There is a Squid that really likes you. Unfortunately they are half your age and live on the other side of the world.
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