This week will see you face many important questions. It is important that you answer those questions. Should you find yourself in a casino this week, then the number 86 might be the key to a little financial surprise (the surprise might involve the words 'your credit card is no longer valid' so be careful). There is a Clam on the war-path, and that Clam is heading your way. Make like a dead whale, and play dead.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Take an umbrella with you this week when you go to your 'special' appointment. It won't rain but there will be waterworks. Make sure that you heed the old maritime warning this week: "When whales swim in threes, flatulence comes for thee". Avoid roller-coasters at all costs on Saturday.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
A forthcoming trip is causing you much stress, Speak to your doctor for advice. You will have an important meeting with your boss this week. Be careful, the wrong choice of shoes will prove disastrous to your career. Why do Squids have that annoying habit of saying something at the most inopportune times. If you are speaking at any event this week where there is an opportunity to ask questions, then avoid fielding any such questions from a Squid.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Ever had to take over the controls of a plane due to an injury to the pilot? This week might provide an occasion to do just that. Eat well this week, but don't eat too little, and don't eat too much. Also avoid the wrong types of food and focus on the right types of food. Life will be a little bit tough for you this week. Just a little bit though, sort of squidgy-tough rather than hard-tough.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Laughter will fill the air this week. But will it be yours? There is only one way to be sure. Rent a good comedy on DVD and watch with a friend. You will be troubled by two legs on Tuesday and four legs on Friday. You will see a Slug in trouble this week. You will not care. You are the better Mollusk.
The Slug July 26th
Your friends will gather closely around you this week, so please take steps to lessen your foul odor. You have nothing to offer anyone this week, so it's business as usual. You may be feeling down. You may be feeling that nothing good ever happens to you. But don't worry. Just remember, that 99.9% of the rest of the population are much happier than you. So at least it all balances out!
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Dietary choices may be important this week. Consider avoiding foods that are green or yellow in color. This is a good week to set sail on a new voyage of discovery and adventure...unless you are feeling tired, in which case you should stay at home. Get some attention this week by wearing 7 items of clothing on Monday, and then remove an item each day
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
In a parallel universe you were born as F Lee Bailey. Don't get too excited, because you are still living in this universe. Numbers will prove problematic for you this week. It could be a birthday or other important date, or it could be the lottery. Step wisely when choosing any number. Beware, Clams are plotting against you! And even if they are not actually plotting, they are probably thinking about plotting. And even if they are not thinking, they will be.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Be careful not to overexert yourself in the kitchen this week. Remember, too many broths spoil the cook. You will be attracted to someone in a position of power this week. Do not give in to temptation, make sure they get the cold shoulder. When a Squid and an Octopus meet it's full-on tentacle action. So if you are out and about on Sunday, then make sure you take enough moisturizer.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Take a deep breath and think to yourself 'Is this really who I am?'. If the answer is 'no', then be afraid, very afraid. Eggs, or products containing eggs, are best avoided this week. Unless you are certain that they are what you want. You know an Octopus who is almost the perfect person. Polite, charming, attractive, and financially independent. Sadly, you chose to marry their poor, ugly, and alcoholic cousin instead.
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