You will breathe more deeply this week when things that you want appear on the horizon, in a shimmering cloud. See a penny, pick it up, and all day long you'll have good luck...or will you??? Beware the old saying: 'a Squid in need is a Squid indeed'. It might make no sense, but then again neither does the weather.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Is there a ray of light at the end of the tunnel? A chance meeting on Tuesday with a gynecologist might provide some answers. The number 80 will have special significance on Monday, but sadly you will never realize just what that significance is, and so it will all be a bit wasted on you. Stupid is as stupid does, and as stupidity goes, a run in on Sunday with a Slug will have you reaching for your gun (metaphorically). Shoot down the Slug (metaphorically speaking) before they shoot down your dreams.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Confront your inner demons this week and arrange for an internal exorcism. Don't leave your house on Monday afternoon, disaster lurks if you step outside. You've always had two secret role models, but up till now they were so secret you didn't know who they were. Let the truth be revealed, for you secretly covet Meryl Streep and Tiger Woods.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
You have been thinking recently, 'is this the best I can do?'. The answer, sadly, is 'yes'. Take a loved one on a surprise vacation this week and they will be very appreciative, especially if you take them overseas. A Squid in need is a Squid indeed. This is the week to hang out with your Squid buddy and see what pops out of the toaster.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
How can something as simple and harmless as a tube of toothpaste cause so much misery? You will find out this week. There is a very old tradition that Sailors used to follow when leaving home before embarking on a long voyage. Urinate on three things that you love, and spit on three things that you hate. Only this will ensure a safe trip. Heed these words before undertaking any business travel this week. Throw yourself into the (many) arms of an Octopus this week and you will find out whether what they say about an Octopus in an elevator is true.
The Slug July 26th
In Roman times, ancient mariners had a special word for people who are Slugs. That word translates from the original latin to 'eternal failure'. Improve your popularity this week by a) not saying anything to anyone and b) wearing a bag over your head. You know the old saying 'Don't worry, be happy'? Well you will worry, and you won't be happy. Such is the life of a Slug.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
A woman bearing gifts might not be the present-carrying-female that she seems. Be wary if she (if it is a she) tries making you any toast. Food may be important for you this week, so it might be preferable if you try eating it. You will get romantically entangled with an Octopus this week. They will regret it, but the quantities of alcohol involved mean that you won't remember anything so don't worry too much about it.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
It could be a good time this week to heed the warning 'Clams, fireworks, and alcohol do not mix well'. You will not meet any world leaders this week. Try to deal with this unsatisfying news by remaining calm and not attacking anyone with a sporting accessory. A Clam that you know will try to kill you this week. Well maybe they are just plotting the act at this stage. Actually, they might only be thinking about it. On second thoughts, it's more of a vague intention. So don't worry about it too much. Just be careful around them if they are holding any sharp objects.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Avoid cheesecake at all costs this week, except on Friday where a small slice of cheesecake will be tolerable (but not if it contains unripened fruit). The color yellow will be very important to you this week. Especially on Saturday, and when connected to the number 22, and if tomato juice is involved, then let's just say that it will be a day to remember. If a Snail tries buying your affections by spending vast amounts on money on you, then don't fall for it. It may make you happy, but happiness is not everything...at least not when the Snail in question has spent time inside for attempted manslaughter.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
People will tell you that life can have its ups and downs, but they never tell you to watch out for the sideways. Your weight, or the weight of someone important around you, may become a discussion point this week. There is a time and a place for everything. This week, that time will more often that not be 8:22 am.
[?2004h
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment