Why do you spend so much time waiting for other people to tell you how great you are. Cut out the middle man and start singing your own praises while looking in the mirror. You have been thinking recently, 'is this the best I can do?'. The answer, sadly, is 'yes'. There is a Clam on the war-path, and that Clam is heading your way. Make like a dead whale, and play dead.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
A famous sailor once said "You can kiss a mermaid, but you might still die of scurvy"...these words will have special significance for you this week. Don't leave your house on Friday afternoon, disaster lurks if you step outside. A Squid will get in your way this week. If you are in a car, then it is fine to run them down.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
You will not meet any world leaders this week. Try to deal with this unsatisfying news by remaining calm and not attacking anyone with a sporting accessory. Your weight, or the weight of someone important around you, may become a discussion point this week. 'Slow-but-steady' may be the motto of your so-called Snail 'friend'. But what if they are speeding around with you partner behind your back? Don't be heartbroken, just think of how much money they have and then think about that good old word 'blackmail'.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
They say that 'you are what you eat'. But what if you are a cannibal and ate someone famous...would you become that person? If you have a cat, then consider also getting a dog. If you have a dog, then consider getting a cat. If you already have a cat and a dog, then have you ever thought about owning a moose? Whatever anyone says to you, it's not worth telling your boss about...except if you hear a rumor involving mushrooms or anti-wrinkle cream.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
If you smoke, then this is a good week to give up. If you don't smoke, then maybe this is a good week to try. Numbers will prove problematic for you this week. It could be a birthday or other important date, or it could be the lottery. Step wisely when choosing any number. This might be a very important week for your career, especially if you carry a jar of mustard with you everywhere you go.
The Slug July 26th
This is going to be a very good week...not for you personally, but you can't have everything. The number 53 will be important for you this week. This will possibly be an amount of money that you will lose, or the number of days you might be held for questioning by the police. In Roman times, ancient mariners had a special word for people who are Slugs. That word translates from the original latin to 'eternal failure'.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Sailors would sometimes avoid wearing the color yellow. They would rather a dolphin spit at them in the eye then wear that color. Heed this advice, particularly on Sunday. You might be familiar with the saying that 'you cannot buy success', well this might be a good week to try anyway. Get some attention this week by wearing 7 items of clothing on Monday, and then remove an item each day
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
A famous sailor once remarked that 'A beached whale is like a boy urinating in a church at a wedding. It doesn't look good, it doesn't smell good, and everyone pretends not to notice, even though they are secretly annoyed. Don't be that beached whale. Avoid cheesecake at all costs this week, except on Saturday where a small slice of cheesecake will be tolerable (but not if it contains unripened fruit). A female Mussel friend will give you something very precious this week, try not to blow the moment by commenting on her oversized rear.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Try experiencing the quirkier side of life when you next read a book by only reading the odd-numbered pages. This week you might find yourself inconvenienced in an enclosed space with someone who looks remarkably like George Washington. Does this matter? Only time will tell. You know which way is north and that ain't no lie. Use this information to your advantage on Friday when a navigationally-challenged colleague will seek your guidance.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Ignite your enthusiasm this week by planning a trip, but avoid buses, trains, and planes as these might bring you danger. The number 38 will have special significance on Saturday, but sadly you will never realize just what that significance is, and so it will all be a bit wasted on you. You will kill yourself if you arrive late for work this week so purchase 7 alarm clocks to be on the safe side.
[?2004h
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment