The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Eat well this week, but don't eat too little, and don't eat too much. Also avoid the wrong types of food and focus on the right types of food. Big developments will occur in the bedroom this week. Make sure your sheets are clean. On a good day, a Barnacle and a Clam can be as an effective a double act as Mother Teresa and Tiger Woods.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
If someone should happen to comment that you look just a little bit like Ben Franklin, then maybe it's time to consider some heavy duty cosmetic surgery. Fish are a big thing in your life at the moment. Catching fish and eating fish are what you are all about. Watch out for a Barnacle in a hurry on Tuesday. If you time it correctly, you will only end up with a small stain to show for their clumsiness. If you get your timing wrong however, you might be facing a stay in the hospital and you won't be eating solids for a long time.
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
Avoid cheesecake at all costs this week, except on Sunday where a small slice of cheesecake will be tolerable (but not if it contains unripened fruit). Allergies might prove bothersome this week, especially if you work on a farm or are allergic to milk. This is a good week to remember that old nautical expression 'You can make me walk the plank, but I'll drown on my own terms'.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
This is a good week to set sail on a new voyage of discovery and adventure...unless you are feeling tired, in which case you should stay at home. Try to look forward to the future this week, but still keep one eye looking over your shoulder as the past may catch you up and spit in your eye. A Squid in need is a Squid indeed. This is the week to hang out with your Squid buddy and see what pops out of the toaster.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
You've set your sights high this week, but as the Chinese proverb warns us 'rain always dampens an egg buried in the ground'. A forthcoming trip is causing you much stress, Speak to your doctor for advice. Get together for a Scallop this week if you want to have a fun time that involves an activity that is not yet illegal in all countries.
The Slug
July 26th
Things will be mostly crap for you this week, but on the plus side of things, you will already know exactly what this feels like. It's a tough life being a Slug. Nobody likes you, nobody wants to be around you, and nobody can stand your personal hygiene problems. Are you just misunderstood? Actually, no. Too many cooks spoil the broth, but if you are making the broth, then you will spoil it all by yourself.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
A few things to avoid this week if you know what's good for you: cold tea, hot milk, three-legged animals, North Dakota, and books with the word 'fun' in their title. Sometimes it is good to try something new. Tuesday will offer you the best chance that you will ever have to try something new that involves cheese. Do you know a Limpet? Do you want to know a Limpet? If the answer is yes, then on Saturday night make your way to where the cool people go. And take lots of loose change with you.
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
It is written that 'a drunken sailor is a happy sailor', yet it is also written that 'drinking leads to death'. Which one of these sayings do you most believe in? Don't do things that you don't want to do, unless you do want to do the things that you think that you don't want to do. A Clam you know will offer to cook for you this week. Be careful, they might have ulterior motives, and they will certainly try spiking your food with Tabasco sauce.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
See a penny, pick it up, and all day long you'll have good luck...or will you??? If your boss offers to take you out for a drink this week you should gently decline...unless you want to contract a 'downstairs' disease and be involved in an unpleasant (and protracted) divorce settlement. Your map reading skills might just help you save a stranded puppy this week.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
A woman bearing gifts might not be the present-carrying-female that she seems. Be wary if she (if it is a she) tries making you any toast. Your watch is making you a prisoner to time. Destroy it. Break it. Smash it up. Be free from the restrictions of a time-delimited schedule...unless you have an important meeting this week. 'Wham, bam, thank you Clam'...that might be a motto for you to learn this week as Clam-antics in the bedroom will get you all worked up.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 21st February 2011
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Something involving the color yellow will be on your mind this week and you are not sure if you need a second opinion about what to do. The solution involves getting a second opinion from a friend as to whether you need to get a second opinion. There is a 32% probability that someone who looks like Hank Aaron will shower you with unusual gifts on Saturday. This will only happen though if you are wearing red When a Barnacle and a Mussel get together, it's a bit like adding treacle to a slow burning fire. You have been warned.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
If you were a vegetable, you'd probably be a tomato. Watch that you don't get squashed this week. Take heed of the old sailors warning 'If you drown, you die'. You generally don't get on with Barnacles, but if you meet one on Monday who looks at all like Peyton Manning, then you should kiss them without hesitation.
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
Avoid even numbers this week if possible as they will only bring you trouble. Your friends are being spoons, when all you need is a fork. But being ironic doesn't befit you. If you are not in the spotlight this week, then you bloody well should be.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
Even a tiny fly can stop a bullet, if its wings are made of steel. However, your wings are more likely to be made of damp cardboard, which might not be so effective. This is a good time to give up something, particularly if you have an addiction to any illegal narcotics. You would rather stick a knife in your eye than disclose a less than important secret to your boss.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
Why do you spend so much time waiting for other people to tell you how great you are. Cut out the middle man and start singing your own praises while looking in the mirror. If you see anybody this week who looks like Norman Rockwell, you should immediately ask them for the time, but only if their watch is on their right wrist. Limpets, Limpets everywhere, but not a drop of love to spare. Well this might be the case for you on Wednesday when a rabid, potentially-drunk Limpet will cause plenty of trouble for you.
The Slug
July 26th
A friend will come to you seek your advice on a sensitive subject this week. They will also come to deeply regret asking you about anything because your advice sucks. Your Slug-like nature will mean that you will suffer twice as much as normal this week when a rival colleague will attempt to literally rub salt into old wounds. Have you ever truly been happy? Probably not.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
Take a deep breath and think to yourself 'Is this really who I am?'. If the answer is 'no', then be afraid, very afraid. Your challenge for this week is to clear your head of all thoughts concerning sex and mustard. Does it really count as adultery if you don't tell anyone?
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
Running away from things will not help problems this week. Neither will staying where you are. Food may be important for you this week, so it might be preferable if you try eating it. A Clam you know will offer to cook for you this week. Be careful, they might have ulterior motives, and they will certainly try spiking your food with Tabasco sauce.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
A CD will be released this week, a CD that you have been waiting a long time to see. You must never buy this CD. If you buy it, you will become more unpopular than you can possibly imagine. Happiness. Happiness. Happiness. Happiness. Happiness. It's a happy week! If a Snail tries buying your affections by spending vast amounts on money on you, then don't fall for it. It may make you happy, but happiness is not everything...at least not when the Snail in question has spent time inside for attempted manslaughter.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
You are being driven mad by driving. Don't get mad, get even. Do you go for the unhealthy burger or the healthy salad? This is the type of question that will plague you this week. The solution is to go for neither, and instead choose the poached quails eggs. If they don't have quails eggs then I guess you will go hungry. A casual comment by a Snail acquaintance of yours might make you think twice before making that important purchase this week. Don't worry. As long as they have it in red, things will turn out just fine.
December 2nd - February 19th
Something involving the color yellow will be on your mind this week and you are not sure if you need a second opinion about what to do. The solution involves getting a second opinion from a friend as to whether you need to get a second opinion. There is a 32% probability that someone who looks like Hank Aaron will shower you with unusual gifts on Saturday. This will only happen though if you are wearing red When a Barnacle and a Mussel get together, it's a bit like adding treacle to a slow burning fire. You have been warned.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
If you were a vegetable, you'd probably be a tomato. Watch that you don't get squashed this week. Take heed of the old sailors warning 'If you drown, you die'. You generally don't get on with Barnacles, but if you meet one on Monday who looks at all like Peyton Manning, then you should kiss them without hesitation.
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
Avoid even numbers this week if possible as they will only bring you trouble. Your friends are being spoons, when all you need is a fork. But being ironic doesn't befit you. If you are not in the spotlight this week, then you bloody well should be.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
Even a tiny fly can stop a bullet, if its wings are made of steel. However, your wings are more likely to be made of damp cardboard, which might not be so effective. This is a good time to give up something, particularly if you have an addiction to any illegal narcotics. You would rather stick a knife in your eye than disclose a less than important secret to your boss.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
Why do you spend so much time waiting for other people to tell you how great you are. Cut out the middle man and start singing your own praises while looking in the mirror. If you see anybody this week who looks like Norman Rockwell, you should immediately ask them for the time, but only if their watch is on their right wrist. Limpets, Limpets everywhere, but not a drop of love to spare. Well this might be the case for you on Wednesday when a rabid, potentially-drunk Limpet will cause plenty of trouble for you.
The Slug
July 26th
A friend will come to you seek your advice on a sensitive subject this week. They will also come to deeply regret asking you about anything because your advice sucks. Your Slug-like nature will mean that you will suffer twice as much as normal this week when a rival colleague will attempt to literally rub salt into old wounds. Have you ever truly been happy? Probably not.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
Take a deep breath and think to yourself 'Is this really who I am?'. If the answer is 'no', then be afraid, very afraid. Your challenge for this week is to clear your head of all thoughts concerning sex and mustard. Does it really count as adultery if you don't tell anyone?
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
Running away from things will not help problems this week. Neither will staying where you are. Food may be important for you this week, so it might be preferable if you try eating it. A Clam you know will offer to cook for you this week. Be careful, they might have ulterior motives, and they will certainly try spiking your food with Tabasco sauce.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
A CD will be released this week, a CD that you have been waiting a long time to see. You must never buy this CD. If you buy it, you will become more unpopular than you can possibly imagine. Happiness. Happiness. Happiness. Happiness. Happiness. It's a happy week! If a Snail tries buying your affections by spending vast amounts on money on you, then don't fall for it. It may make you happy, but happiness is not everything...at least not when the Snail in question has spent time inside for attempted manslaughter.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
You are being driven mad by driving. Don't get mad, get even. Do you go for the unhealthy burger or the healthy salad? This is the type of question that will plague you this week. The solution is to go for neither, and instead choose the poached quails eggs. If they don't have quails eggs then I guess you will go hungry. A casual comment by a Snail acquaintance of yours might make you think twice before making that important purchase this week. Don't worry. As long as they have it in red, things will turn out just fine.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 14th February 2011
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Take a deep breath and think to yourself 'Is this really who I am?'. If the answer is 'no', then be afraid, very afraid. Indecision will be your undoing this week. You will say yes, only to then say no. You say will 'large iced latte' only to change your mind to a 'small Americano'. You will say 'I do' only to then have second thoughts and run out the church. You may want to keep a fellow Clam close to your side on Monday.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
A famous sailor once remarked 'Life is like jumping overboard without knowing how to swim. You will drown. We all drown. Such is life'. Apply this philosophy to your sales presentation on Wednesday this week. A trip to the dry-cleaners could provide the impetus you have been looking for to kick-start your business plans. When a Snail and an Octopus get together the results can be hard to predict. So take extra special care on Sunday when you will meet an Octopus in an uncomfortable situation (an industrial-strength stain remover might be required).
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
Big developments will occur in the bedroom this week. Make sure your sheets are clean. There is a very old tradition that Sailors used to follow when leaving home before embarking on a long voyage. Urinate on three things that you love, and spit on three things that you hate. Only this will ensure a safe trip. Heed these words before undertaking any business travel this week. You will bump into a Mussel on Sunday. They will not know you, and you will not know them. You will not talk to them, and they will not talk to you. But it is a meeting of profound importance to your life and career.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
Eat well, sleep well, and make sure you put the cat out because you will need a lot of energy to get through this week. On Monday your week will take a turn for the worse when you attract the (unwanted) attentions of a born-again reincarnationist. They will try to claim you as their soul-mate. You should run away. You are neither Chris Rock or Eddie Murphy, so don't try to act like them...unless you have a good lawyer of course.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
Take heed of the old sailors warning 'If you drown, you die'. One of the following objects will potentially cause you to have a life-altering event this week: a red car, an unripe avocado, Monday's edition of your local newspaper, or a vibrating electronic device. Throw yourself into the (many) arms of an Octopus this week and you will find out whether what they say about an Octopus in an elevator is true.
The Slug
July 26th
You will be very popular this week and will receive lots of mail. Oh, actually they are all overdue bills as you have forgot to pay off your utility bills...you idiot. You may have heard of the saying "Don't worry, be happy"...well, that doesn't apply to miserable idiots like you. Remember, things can go only get better...actually for you they can probably still get quite a bit worse.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
This will be a good week for fun, festivities, and especially fashion. Let your clothes do the talking and don't skimp on the accessories. A famous sailor once remarked that 'A beached whale is like a boy urinating in a church at a wedding. It doesn't look good, it doesn't smell good, and everyone pretends not to notice, even though they are secretly annoyed. Don't be that beached whale. Does it really count as adultery if you don't tell anyone?
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
The number 16 will be a powerful omen for you this Wednesday, but only if you are in the possession of some dried fruit. Is there a door opening up in your life? If so then close it, or at most leave it only slightly ajar. This week you may take any life-threatening actions that come your way. But whatever you do, go easy on the chili sauce.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
Ignite your enthusiasm this week by planning a trip, but avoid buses, trains, and planes as these might bring you danger. They say that 'you are what you eat'. But what if you are a cannibal and ate someone famous...would you become that person? Turn up on time for a meeting with a Clam on Thursday and experience the 'Clocktopus Effect' - a beneficial outcome that will have arisen because you were on time.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
Take a second look at what you are wearing. Your friends think that it is time that you burn your wardrobe. Maybe they are right? The current problems with your job are partially due to the monotony that surrounds you. Kick start your career by doing something to shock your colleagues and show them your inner beast. Tick tock, someone will be running late for a meeting with you. They are lazy fools.
December 2nd - February 19th
Take a deep breath and think to yourself 'Is this really who I am?'. If the answer is 'no', then be afraid, very afraid. Indecision will be your undoing this week. You will say yes, only to then say no. You say will 'large iced latte' only to change your mind to a 'small Americano'. You will say 'I do' only to then have second thoughts and run out the church. You may want to keep a fellow Clam close to your side on Monday.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
A famous sailor once remarked 'Life is like jumping overboard without knowing how to swim. You will drown. We all drown. Such is life'. Apply this philosophy to your sales presentation on Wednesday this week. A trip to the dry-cleaners could provide the impetus you have been looking for to kick-start your business plans. When a Snail and an Octopus get together the results can be hard to predict. So take extra special care on Sunday when you will meet an Octopus in an uncomfortable situation (an industrial-strength stain remover might be required).
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
Big developments will occur in the bedroom this week. Make sure your sheets are clean. There is a very old tradition that Sailors used to follow when leaving home before embarking on a long voyage. Urinate on three things that you love, and spit on three things that you hate. Only this will ensure a safe trip. Heed these words before undertaking any business travel this week. You will bump into a Mussel on Sunday. They will not know you, and you will not know them. You will not talk to them, and they will not talk to you. But it is a meeting of profound importance to your life and career.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
Eat well, sleep well, and make sure you put the cat out because you will need a lot of energy to get through this week. On Monday your week will take a turn for the worse when you attract the (unwanted) attentions of a born-again reincarnationist. They will try to claim you as their soul-mate. You should run away. You are neither Chris Rock or Eddie Murphy, so don't try to act like them...unless you have a good lawyer of course.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
Take heed of the old sailors warning 'If you drown, you die'. One of the following objects will potentially cause you to have a life-altering event this week: a red car, an unripe avocado, Monday's edition of your local newspaper, or a vibrating electronic device. Throw yourself into the (many) arms of an Octopus this week and you will find out whether what they say about an Octopus in an elevator is true.
The Slug
July 26th
You will be very popular this week and will receive lots of mail. Oh, actually they are all overdue bills as you have forgot to pay off your utility bills...you idiot. You may have heard of the saying "Don't worry, be happy"...well, that doesn't apply to miserable idiots like you. Remember, things can go only get better...actually for you they can probably still get quite a bit worse.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
This will be a good week for fun, festivities, and especially fashion. Let your clothes do the talking and don't skimp on the accessories. A famous sailor once remarked that 'A beached whale is like a boy urinating in a church at a wedding. It doesn't look good, it doesn't smell good, and everyone pretends not to notice, even though they are secretly annoyed. Don't be that beached whale. Does it really count as adultery if you don't tell anyone?
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
The number 16 will be a powerful omen for you this Wednesday, but only if you are in the possession of some dried fruit. Is there a door opening up in your life? If so then close it, or at most leave it only slightly ajar. This week you may take any life-threatening actions that come your way. But whatever you do, go easy on the chili sauce.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
Ignite your enthusiasm this week by planning a trip, but avoid buses, trains, and planes as these might bring you danger. They say that 'you are what you eat'. But what if you are a cannibal and ate someone famous...would you become that person? Turn up on time for a meeting with a Clam on Thursday and experience the 'Clocktopus Effect' - a beneficial outcome that will have arisen because you were on time.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
Take a second look at what you are wearing. Your friends think that it is time that you burn your wardrobe. Maybe they are right? The current problems with your job are partially due to the monotony that surrounds you. Kick start your career by doing something to shock your colleagues and show them your inner beast. Tick tock, someone will be running late for a meeting with you. They are lazy fools.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 7th February 2011
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Up for a challenge? Then remove all of the labels from any tins in your house. Meal times will then have an element of surprise and danger about them. Take a loved one on a surprise vacation this week and they will be very appreciative, especially if you take them overseas. On a good day, a Barnacle and a Clam can be as an effective a double act as Dan Aykroyd and Tiger Woods.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
Should you find yourself in a casino this week, then the number 78 might be the key to a little financial surprise (the surprise might involve the words 'your credit card is no longer valid' so be careful). If your boss offers to take you out for a drink this week you should gently decline...unless you want to contract a 'downstairs' disease and be involved in an unpleasant (and protracted) divorce settlement. Would you ever be so stupid to get drunk with a Scallop on a work night, and then go to one of those clubs that your mother warned you about? The answer to this question will be revealed on Sunday.
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
Make sure that you heed the old maritime warning this week: "When whales swim in threes, flatulence comes for thee". You think that someone is out to get you, you think that they want to see you squashed like a bug. You are wrong. They are wrong. Everyone is wrong. Sometimes you will try hard to avoid them, you will try your best to pass them by in the street or workplace. But on Thursday there is no escape. You will have to go toe-to-toe with an Octopus. Make sure you have an adequate supply of breath mints.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
If you stayed in bed all week...maybe nobody would know that you were missing. An accident involving tofu will cause you to dial the emergency services this week. Make sure that you have plenty of warmed milk to hand, and don't worry about the resulting stains. You are not Aristotle, so don't try to act like them...unless you have a good lawyer of course.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
If someone should happen to comment that you look just a little bit like Spider Man, then maybe it's time to consider some heavy duty cosmetic surgery. This is a good time to reflect on all the things that you are not. For example, you are not an elephant, nor are you an electric toaster. On Tuesday, the color black, the number 36 and a certain little Snail that you know will all combine to create a lot of trouble for you and your pet Yak. You don't have a pet Yak yet, but that's just part of the trouble that you'll be getting into.
The Slug
July 26th
The sound of thunder will hang over you until you can put a smile on your face. As you are one of the most miserable people around, this may not be easy. You need to go on a low-sodium diet to improve your health...pity this won't improve your looks though. You will be very popular this week and will receive lots of mail. Oh, actually they are all overdue bills as you have forgot to pay off your utility bills...you idiot.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
Why will the color white be important to you this week? The answer to that question may only be revealed when you end up in a police station or supermarket on Tuesday. Life is good at the moment, so be careful not to ruin it all becoming addicted to gambling. Do you know a Limpet? Do you want to know a Limpet? If the answer is yes, then on Wednesday night make your way to where the cool people go. And take lots of loose change with you.
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
Why is everyone so keen on cheese these days? You know that steering clear of the yellow stuff is the right thing to do. A famous sailor once said "You can kiss a mermaid, but you might still die of scurvy"...these words will have special significance for you this week. A distantly-related Octopus will offer an interesting opportunity to you this week. Whether to accept that offer will depend heavily on a) whether you trust your wife and b) how quickly you are prepared to learn Korean.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
Love is all around you this week. You will feel it in your fingers. You will feel it in your toes. Avoid photographs this week if you think that your illicit affair may be caught on camera. When you and a Limpet get together on Wednesday, sparks will literally fly. That's what you get when a chance encounter with a welder goes horribly wrong.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
Why do you spend so much time waiting for other people to tell you how great you are. Cut out the middle man and start singing your own praises while looking in the mirror. Now is a good time to live life in the fast lane and be daring and bold. Try wearing one less item of clothing than usual. Make some sweet love in the afternoon...about 3:43 pm.
December 2nd - February 19th
Up for a challenge? Then remove all of the labels from any tins in your house. Meal times will then have an element of surprise and danger about them. Take a loved one on a surprise vacation this week and they will be very appreciative, especially if you take them overseas. On a good day, a Barnacle and a Clam can be as an effective a double act as Dan Aykroyd and Tiger Woods.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
Should you find yourself in a casino this week, then the number 78 might be the key to a little financial surprise (the surprise might involve the words 'your credit card is no longer valid' so be careful). If your boss offers to take you out for a drink this week you should gently decline...unless you want to contract a 'downstairs' disease and be involved in an unpleasant (and protracted) divorce settlement. Would you ever be so stupid to get drunk with a Scallop on a work night, and then go to one of those clubs that your mother warned you about? The answer to this question will be revealed on Sunday.
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
Make sure that you heed the old maritime warning this week: "When whales swim in threes, flatulence comes for thee". You think that someone is out to get you, you think that they want to see you squashed like a bug. You are wrong. They are wrong. Everyone is wrong. Sometimes you will try hard to avoid them, you will try your best to pass them by in the street or workplace. But on Thursday there is no escape. You will have to go toe-to-toe with an Octopus. Make sure you have an adequate supply of breath mints.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
If you stayed in bed all week...maybe nobody would know that you were missing. An accident involving tofu will cause you to dial the emergency services this week. Make sure that you have plenty of warmed milk to hand, and don't worry about the resulting stains. You are not Aristotle, so don't try to act like them...unless you have a good lawyer of course.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
If someone should happen to comment that you look just a little bit like Spider Man, then maybe it's time to consider some heavy duty cosmetic surgery. This is a good time to reflect on all the things that you are not. For example, you are not an elephant, nor are you an electric toaster. On Tuesday, the color black, the number 36 and a certain little Snail that you know will all combine to create a lot of trouble for you and your pet Yak. You don't have a pet Yak yet, but that's just part of the trouble that you'll be getting into.
The Slug
July 26th
The sound of thunder will hang over you until you can put a smile on your face. As you are one of the most miserable people around, this may not be easy. You need to go on a low-sodium diet to improve your health...pity this won't improve your looks though. You will be very popular this week and will receive lots of mail. Oh, actually they are all overdue bills as you have forgot to pay off your utility bills...you idiot.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
Why will the color white be important to you this week? The answer to that question may only be revealed when you end up in a police station or supermarket on Tuesday. Life is good at the moment, so be careful not to ruin it all becoming addicted to gambling. Do you know a Limpet? Do you want to know a Limpet? If the answer is yes, then on Wednesday night make your way to where the cool people go. And take lots of loose change with you.
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
Why is everyone so keen on cheese these days? You know that steering clear of the yellow stuff is the right thing to do. A famous sailor once said "You can kiss a mermaid, but you might still die of scurvy"...these words will have special significance for you this week. A distantly-related Octopus will offer an interesting opportunity to you this week. Whether to accept that offer will depend heavily on a) whether you trust your wife and b) how quickly you are prepared to learn Korean.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
Love is all around you this week. You will feel it in your fingers. You will feel it in your toes. Avoid photographs this week if you think that your illicit affair may be caught on camera. When you and a Limpet get together on Wednesday, sparks will literally fly. That's what you get when a chance encounter with a welder goes horribly wrong.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
Why do you spend so much time waiting for other people to tell you how great you are. Cut out the middle man and start singing your own praises while looking in the mirror. Now is a good time to live life in the fast lane and be daring and bold. Try wearing one less item of clothing than usual. Make some sweet love in the afternoon...about 3:43 pm.
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