If you ever wanted to place a bet on a big race, then this is the week. A horse whose name begins with the letter G will win big. Why will the color purple be important to you this week? The answer to that question may only be revealed when you end up in a police station or supermarket on Tuesday. Time to get it on with someone this week. It only really matters if they have a pulse.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Your friends are being spoons, when all you need is a fork. But being ironic doesn't befit you. Sailors would sometimes avoid wearing the color orange. They would rather a dolphin spit at them in the eye then wear that color. Heed this advice, particularly on Monday. You generally don't get on with Barnacles, but if you meet one on Tuesday who looks at all like Albert Einstein, then you should kiss them without hesitation.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
A famous sailor once remarked that 'A beached whale is like a boy urinating in a church at a wedding. It doesn't look good, it doesn't smell good, and everyone pretends not to notice, even though they are secretly annoyed. Don't be that beached whale. Don't take no for an answer, especially when rancid dairy products are involved. Take a trip to your local art gallery and prepare to be moved by an unusual pasta-based sculpture.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
If you start reading a new book this week, but skip over every seventh page, it will lead to an unsatisfying conclusion but you will get the book read that much faster. Even when everything is going wrong, and it will go wrong this week, just be thankful that you're not Spider Man, You have an Octopus pal who will need of a shoulder to cry on this week. They are in the wrong, they did the wrong thing, and it will turn out all wrong, but you probably won't want to mention any of that.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Embarrassment will loom rather large in your life this week as you are very likely to catch your boss in a somewhat compromising situation involving a small animal and some rubber tubing. You are being driven mad by driving. Don't get mad, get even. You may be asked your age this week by a close business colleague...they may be trying to get you into trouble so you should probably lie.
The Slug July 26th
This is going to be a very good week...not for you personally, but you can't have everything. Do you remember that when you were young, that your parents said 'When you grow up, you have the potential to do anything you want to in life'? They were lying. You only have the potential to be a failure. You will be very popular this week and will receive lots of mail. Oh, actually they are all overdue bills as you have forgot to pay off your utility bills...you idiot.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Think about what you want, and what you need. Are they the same things? You will have an important meeting with your boss this week. Be careful, the wrong choice of shoes will prove disastrous to your career. Do you know a Limpet? Do you want to know a Limpet? If the answer is yes, then on Saturday night make your way to where the cool people go. And take lots of loose change with you.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
It may not make much sense now, but carry an opened umbrella with you on Wednesday (whatever the weather) and you will be thankful that you did. As the old saying goes 'You can hide a shrimp under a shell, but it's still a shrimp, just a shrimp under a shell'. Heed these words this week, especially if you have any run-ins with the police. Hot fudge sauce will be your downfall this week, and the reason for this is that you will believe the foolish advice of a Scallop that you know. Believe me, hot fudge sauce is never the solution to problems in the bedroom.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
If there was ever a week in which you should enroll in a foreign language class, then this is the week. Computer problems might cause you headaches this week. Best stick to using a pen and paper. If a Snail tries buying your affections by spending vast amounts on money on you, then don't fall for it. It may make you happy, but happiness is not everything...at least not when the Snail in question has spent time inside for attempted manslaughter.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Travel this week will broaden the mind, but flatten the wallet. In a year's time you might consider running a marathon or eating a Snickers bar. Either way, this week is when you should start your preparations. To be on the safe side, arrive 5 hours early for your special work meeting this week.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment