The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Up for a challenge? Then remove all of the labels from any tins in your house. Meal times will then have an element of surprise and danger about them. Don't take no for an answer, especially when rancid dairy products are involved. Watch out for someone saying 'no' to you this week.
The Snail
February 20th - March 9th
Think about what you want, and what you need. Are they the same things? Embarrassment will loom rather large in your life this week as you are very likely to catch your boss in a somewhat compromising situation involving a small animal and some rubber tubing. You know a Clam who deserves to be punched...twice!
The Limpet
March 10th - May 1st
If you have a pet llama, then you should try to avoid wearing red on Sunday. This may seem an unreasonable request, but you really want the violent and bloody death of an innocent llama on your conscience? Forget what you have learned and instead remember only that which you have yet to learn. If you have never learned anything then you will have that much more to remember and will therefore will become a very wise mollusk indeed. 'Slow-but-steady' may be the motto of your so-called Snail 'friend'. But what if they are speeding around with you partner behind your back? Don't be heartbroken, just think of how much money they have and then think about that good old word 'blackmail'.
The Clam
May 2nd - June 2nd
Indecision will be your undoing this week. You will say yes, only to then say no. You say will 'large iced latte' only to change your mind to a 'small Americano'. You will say 'I do' only to then have second thoughts and run out the church. Belief is the key to your problems this week. Belief in the power of a burning flame. Belief in the strength that can only come from catching three green lights in a row. Belief in the proverb that 'Even a lost penguin will find its way home'. It's time to believe. Get in a tussle with a Mussel and they will feel the slam of a Clam.
The Squid
June 3rd - July 25th
Eggs, or products containing eggs, are best avoided this week. Unless you are certain that they are what you want. You might be familiar with the saying that 'you cannot buy success', well this might be a good week to try anyway. If you have the time, try to track down a trustworthy Mussel that you know on Sunday. Tell them a big secret and see how trustworthy they really are.
The Slug
July 26th
Did you know that 'Slug' is very nearly an anagram of 'ugly'. This is quite fitting as your grim features are enough to put a dying dog off its food. It's a tough life being a Slug. Nobody likes you, nobody wants to be around you, and nobody can stand your personal hygiene problems. Are you just misunderstood? Actually, no. Your Slug-like nature will mean that you will suffer twice as much as normal this week when a rival colleague will attempt to literally rub salt into old wounds.
The Oyster
July 27th - August 19th
You will breathe more deeply this week when things that you want appear on the horizon, in a shimmering cloud. A purple car will loom large in your life (or maybe just your rear-view mirror) on Tuesday. Remember to wear your seat belt and try not to have any small animals in your car on that day. Get some attention this week by wearing 7 items of clothing on Monday, and then remove an item each day
The Scallop
August 20th - October 1st
Making more room for music this week will ease current frustrations. The more avant-garde the music the better, and 50's Jazz will particularly prove helpful. Why will the color yellow be important to you this week? The answer to that question may only be revealed when you end up in a police station or supermarket on Tuesday. If someone offers you any food this week, then beware! It might be spiked with pepper. You should no longer trust this person, even if you are married to them.
The Octopus
October 1st - October 29th
There may be times this week when you will wonder if you will ever make it to Friday unscathed. If you survive until Thursday evening, then you will be fine. Are you a lion or a mouse? Now is the time to nail your colors to the flag and decide whether you can squeak or roar. Tell a loved one that you are going to take up base jumping. You're not going to do this of course, but it's good to keep people on their toes.
The Mussel
October 30th - December 1st
This week will see you face many important questions. It is important that you answer those questions. Tell a loved one that you love them this week. Also tell someone you hate that you hate them. Life is all about balance. 'Wham, bam, thank you Clam'...that might be a motto for you to learn this week as Clam-antics in the bedroom will get you all worked up.
Friday, February 27, 2015
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 16th February 2015
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Now is a good time to live life in the fast lane and be daring and bold. Try wearing one less item of clothing than usual. You are a fighter, not a quitter. Don't let the bastards grind you down. This is the time to leap to the aid of a Scallop that you work with. They will not thank you for your actions, they may well come to despise you for what you do, but it still needs to be done.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Don't be surprised when an accidental slip on a calculator this week could lead to a diplomatic incident involving the French Navy. You will not meet any world leaders this week. Try to deal with this unsatisfying news by remaining calm and not attacking anyone with a sporting accessory. There is a Clam that is going to do something to you this week which will annoy you greatly. But be prepared by buying a good quality stain remover ahead of time.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Wear a smile on this week because you cannot fail* and everything you do will turn out to be magical and rewarding (* = terms and conditions may apply). You have been thinking recently, 'is this the best I can do?'. The answer, sadly, is 'yes'. Ever been on holiday with a Scallop before? They'll buy you a lot of drinks but they'll expect certain favors in return. You might not like the sound - or the smell - of those favors.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Walk faster than the person in front of you if you want to get ahead this week...unless that person is carrying a knife. Embarrassment will loom rather large in your life this week as you are very likely to catch your boss in a somewhat compromising situation involving a small animal and some rubber tubing. A Squid in need is a Squid indeed. This is the week to hang out with your Squid buddy and see what pops out of the toaster.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Something involving the color green will be on your mind this week and you are not sure if you need a second opinion about what to do. The solution involves getting a second opinion from a friend as to whether you need to get a second opinion. Take a loved one on a surprise vacation this week and they will be very appreciative, especially if you take them overseas. You will see a Slug in trouble this week. You will not care. You are the better Mollusk.
The Slug July 26th
You need to go on a low-sodium diet to improve your health...pity this won't improve your looks though. Is it possible for everyone you know to violently dislike you? Yes. It is. The sound of thunder will hang over you until you can put a smile on your face. As you are one of the most miserable people around, this may not be easy.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
You want what you cannot have. You have what you no longer want. Such is life. If your boss offers to take you out for a drink this week you should gently decline...unless you want to contract a 'downstairs' disease and be involved in an unpleasant (and protracted) divorce settlement. You will fall in love with a Squid on 6:45 am on Monday. By 7:15 you will realize that actually they are quite repulsive.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Is there a ray of light at the end of the tunnel? A chance meeting on Thursday with a gynecologist might provide some answers. See a penny, pick it up, and all day long you'll have good luck...or will you??? Beware, Clams are plotting against you! And even if they are not actually plotting, they are probably thinking about plotting. And even if they are not thinking, they will be.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Take an umbrella with you this week when you go to your 'special' appointment. It won't rain but there will be waterworks. In a parallel universe you were born as Roy Rogers. Don't get too excited, because you are still living in this universe. This will be a week full of stress and angst for you. Try releasing that angst by finding a Slug that lives in your street. Wait for them to leave their home and then paint the words 'I am better than you' on their doors and windows. You will feel much better.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
If you were a vegetable, you'd probably be a tomato. Watch that you don't get squashed this week. A few things to avoid this week if you know what's good for you: cold tea, hot milk, three-legged animals, North Dakota, and books with the word 'fun' in their title. You're a Mussel, so that's good. But you know a Barnacle who resembles Andy Griffith a little too much for your liking, so that's not so good. Well that's life I guess, it's all about balance.
Now is a good time to live life in the fast lane and be daring and bold. Try wearing one less item of clothing than usual. You are a fighter, not a quitter. Don't let the bastards grind you down. This is the time to leap to the aid of a Scallop that you work with. They will not thank you for your actions, they may well come to despise you for what you do, but it still needs to be done.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Don't be surprised when an accidental slip on a calculator this week could lead to a diplomatic incident involving the French Navy. You will not meet any world leaders this week. Try to deal with this unsatisfying news by remaining calm and not attacking anyone with a sporting accessory. There is a Clam that is going to do something to you this week which will annoy you greatly. But be prepared by buying a good quality stain remover ahead of time.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Wear a smile on this week because you cannot fail* and everything you do will turn out to be magical and rewarding (* = terms and conditions may apply). You have been thinking recently, 'is this the best I can do?'. The answer, sadly, is 'yes'. Ever been on holiday with a Scallop before? They'll buy you a lot of drinks but they'll expect certain favors in return. You might not like the sound - or the smell - of those favors.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Walk faster than the person in front of you if you want to get ahead this week...unless that person is carrying a knife. Embarrassment will loom rather large in your life this week as you are very likely to catch your boss in a somewhat compromising situation involving a small animal and some rubber tubing. A Squid in need is a Squid indeed. This is the week to hang out with your Squid buddy and see what pops out of the toaster.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Something involving the color green will be on your mind this week and you are not sure if you need a second opinion about what to do. The solution involves getting a second opinion from a friend as to whether you need to get a second opinion. Take a loved one on a surprise vacation this week and they will be very appreciative, especially if you take them overseas. You will see a Slug in trouble this week. You will not care. You are the better Mollusk.
The Slug July 26th
You need to go on a low-sodium diet to improve your health...pity this won't improve your looks though. Is it possible for everyone you know to violently dislike you? Yes. It is. The sound of thunder will hang over you until you can put a smile on your face. As you are one of the most miserable people around, this may not be easy.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
You want what you cannot have. You have what you no longer want. Such is life. If your boss offers to take you out for a drink this week you should gently decline...unless you want to contract a 'downstairs' disease and be involved in an unpleasant (and protracted) divorce settlement. You will fall in love with a Squid on 6:45 am on Monday. By 7:15 you will realize that actually they are quite repulsive.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Is there a ray of light at the end of the tunnel? A chance meeting on Thursday with a gynecologist might provide some answers. See a penny, pick it up, and all day long you'll have good luck...or will you??? Beware, Clams are plotting against you! And even if they are not actually plotting, they are probably thinking about plotting. And even if they are not thinking, they will be.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Take an umbrella with you this week when you go to your 'special' appointment. It won't rain but there will be waterworks. In a parallel universe you were born as Roy Rogers. Don't get too excited, because you are still living in this universe. This will be a week full of stress and angst for you. Try releasing that angst by finding a Slug that lives in your street. Wait for them to leave their home and then paint the words 'I am better than you' on their doors and windows. You will feel much better.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
If you were a vegetable, you'd probably be a tomato. Watch that you don't get squashed this week. A few things to avoid this week if you know what's good for you: cold tea, hot milk, three-legged animals, North Dakota, and books with the word 'fun' in their title. You're a Mussel, so that's good. But you know a Barnacle who resembles Andy Griffith a little too much for your liking, so that's not so good. Well that's life I guess, it's all about balance.
Monday, February 9, 2015
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 9th February 2015
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
Up for a challenge? Then remove all of the labels from any tins in your house. Meal times will then have an element of surprise and danger about them. The next time that you play poker, you should bet everything you have whenever you see a two and fold whenever you see an ace. This might not actually help you that much but it will keep everybody else on their toes. Your romantic advances towards a business colleague will suffer a setback on Thursday. You will soon get over rejection from this idiot. Especially, as you are still in possession of certain compromising pictures of them using a vacuum cleaner in an 'unnatural' manner.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Even when everything is going wrong, and it will go wrong this week, just be thankful that you're not F Lee Bailey, If you keep putting it off (and you know what I mean by 'it'), it will never get done. Sort it out this week once and for all. When a Snail and an Oyster meet, it is a bit like finding a dead animal in your washing machine. However much you try, the smell just won't go away.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
A famous sailor once remarked that 'A beached whale is like a boy urinating in a church at a wedding. It doesn't look good, it doesn't smell good, and everyone pretends not to notice, even though they are secretly annoyed. Don't be that beached whale. If there was ever one week in your life where you should eat cheese, this week is it. You are a good Mollusk, you are a trustworthy Mollusk. So why when an Oyster comes calling at your door on Wednesday will you be doubting yourself? I don't know. Do you?
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
If there was ever a week in which you should enroll in a foreign language class, then this is the week. As the old saying goes 'You can hide a shrimp under a shell, but it's still a shrimp, just a shrimp under a shell'. Heed these words this week, especially if you have any run-ins with the police. You may have heard the old sailor's expression 'you can never fail with a Snail'...but you do know that there is an exception to every rule right? Walk very carefully on Monday when said Snail will try to take you somewhere that a Clam should never go.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
It's no use gazing at the stars if your feet are stuck in the mud. Clean your boots and get your life moving forward again. A hairy man (or woman) will provide you with a bristly problem this week. Try applying for a passport using a false identity. It might not work, you might be arrested, but it might be fun trying.
The Slug July 26th
Your friends talk about you behind your back. Are they pathetic...or are you? You may have heard of the saying "Don't worry, be happy"...well, that doesn't apply to miserable idiots like you. There is a chance that things will go well for you this week...remember though, there is also a chance that pigs might fly.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Eat well, sleep well, and make sure you put the cat out because you will need a lot of energy to get through this week. There is a 32% probability that someone who looks like Pelé will shower you with unusual gifts on Wednesday. This will only happen though if you are wearing orange Do you know a Limpet? Do you want to know a Limpet? If the answer is yes, then on Monday night make your way to where the cool people go. And take lots of loose change with you.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Wedding bells might be ringing this week, but alas these are very, very quiet wedding bells which have had their clappers lined with velvet. You will have to listen very carefully if you want to hear them. Avoid photographs this week if you think that your illicit affair may be caught on camera. Take a Scallop and a Snail. Two very similar Mollusks who are also so entirely different. On Sunday you will find out just how similar or different you are when you will be inadvertently stuck in a toilet cubicle with said Snail.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
People will tell you that life can have its ups and downs, but they never tell you to watch out for the sideways. Your enemies are plotting against you. Ignore them, what's the worse that could happen? Turn up on time for a meeting with a Clam on Wednesday and experience the 'Clocktopus Effect' - a beneficial outcome that will have arisen because you were on time.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
You may say to others that you like cats, but this will be the week where you will be tested on how much you love cats. Particularly when a certain cat could unlock the secret to the whereabouts of a long-lost family member. If you spot a dead whale (or other cetacean) this week, then beware! This is an omen, an omen of death...or possibly a big sale at your local fish market. You will be asked to look after a Limpet this week. That may be a good thing but it may be a bad thing. Be especially careful on Saturday when said Limpet might ask you to do something which could be considered illegal in many countries.
Up for a challenge? Then remove all of the labels from any tins in your house. Meal times will then have an element of surprise and danger about them. The next time that you play poker, you should bet everything you have whenever you see a two and fold whenever you see an ace. This might not actually help you that much but it will keep everybody else on their toes. Your romantic advances towards a business colleague will suffer a setback on Thursday. You will soon get over rejection from this idiot. Especially, as you are still in possession of certain compromising pictures of them using a vacuum cleaner in an 'unnatural' manner.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Even when everything is going wrong, and it will go wrong this week, just be thankful that you're not F Lee Bailey, If you keep putting it off (and you know what I mean by 'it'), it will never get done. Sort it out this week once and for all. When a Snail and an Oyster meet, it is a bit like finding a dead animal in your washing machine. However much you try, the smell just won't go away.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
A famous sailor once remarked that 'A beached whale is like a boy urinating in a church at a wedding. It doesn't look good, it doesn't smell good, and everyone pretends not to notice, even though they are secretly annoyed. Don't be that beached whale. If there was ever one week in your life where you should eat cheese, this week is it. You are a good Mollusk, you are a trustworthy Mollusk. So why when an Oyster comes calling at your door on Wednesday will you be doubting yourself? I don't know. Do you?
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
If there was ever a week in which you should enroll in a foreign language class, then this is the week. As the old saying goes 'You can hide a shrimp under a shell, but it's still a shrimp, just a shrimp under a shell'. Heed these words this week, especially if you have any run-ins with the police. You may have heard the old sailor's expression 'you can never fail with a Snail'...but you do know that there is an exception to every rule right? Walk very carefully on Monday when said Snail will try to take you somewhere that a Clam should never go.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
It's no use gazing at the stars if your feet are stuck in the mud. Clean your boots and get your life moving forward again. A hairy man (or woman) will provide you with a bristly problem this week. Try applying for a passport using a false identity. It might not work, you might be arrested, but it might be fun trying.
The Slug July 26th
Your friends talk about you behind your back. Are they pathetic...or are you? You may have heard of the saying "Don't worry, be happy"...well, that doesn't apply to miserable idiots like you. There is a chance that things will go well for you this week...remember though, there is also a chance that pigs might fly.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Eat well, sleep well, and make sure you put the cat out because you will need a lot of energy to get through this week. There is a 32% probability that someone who looks like Pelé will shower you with unusual gifts on Wednesday. This will only happen though if you are wearing orange Do you know a Limpet? Do you want to know a Limpet? If the answer is yes, then on Monday night make your way to where the cool people go. And take lots of loose change with you.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
Wedding bells might be ringing this week, but alas these are very, very quiet wedding bells which have had their clappers lined with velvet. You will have to listen very carefully if you want to hear them. Avoid photographs this week if you think that your illicit affair may be caught on camera. Take a Scallop and a Snail. Two very similar Mollusks who are also so entirely different. On Sunday you will find out just how similar or different you are when you will be inadvertently stuck in a toilet cubicle with said Snail.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
People will tell you that life can have its ups and downs, but they never tell you to watch out for the sideways. Your enemies are plotting against you. Ignore them, what's the worse that could happen? Turn up on time for a meeting with a Clam on Wednesday and experience the 'Clocktopus Effect' - a beneficial outcome that will have arisen because you were on time.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
You may say to others that you like cats, but this will be the week where you will be tested on how much you love cats. Particularly when a certain cat could unlock the secret to the whereabouts of a long-lost family member. If you spot a dead whale (or other cetacean) this week, then beware! This is an omen, an omen of death...or possibly a big sale at your local fish market. You will be asked to look after a Limpet this week. That may be a good thing but it may be a bad thing. Be especially careful on Saturday when said Limpet might ask you to do something which could be considered illegal in many countries.
Monday, February 2, 2015
Molluskan horoscopes for week beginning 2nd February 2015
The Barnacle
December 2nd - February 19th
If you see anybody this week who looks like Weird Al Yankovick, you should immediately ask them for the time, but only if their watch is on their right wrist. This is a good time to give up something, particularly if you have an addiction to any illegal narcotics. Watch out for someone saying 'no' to you this week.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Don't be surprised when an accidental slip on a calculator this week could lead to a diplomatic incident involving the French Navy. Why do you spend so much time waiting for other people to tell you how great you are. Cut out the middle man and start singing your own praises while looking in the mirror. When a Snail and an Octopus get together the results can be hard to predict. So take extra special care on Friday when you will meet an Octopus in an uncomfortable situation (an industrial-strength stain remover might be required).
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Avoid even numbers this week if possible as they will only bring you trouble. You've always wanted to try drinking a pint of raw eggs...now is the time to try. This is a good week to remember that old nautical expression 'You can make me walk the plank, but I'll drown on my own terms'.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Should you wear red on Tuesday? No, but you'll do it anyway because you have no sense of fashion. Others will spend this week trying to think outside the box. Show them your true genius by turning the box inside out and then thinking inside it. You have a few personal problems at the moment and you might feel that you should turn to a colleague for advice. But asking a Slug for advice is like stepping into a bath full of kerosene and then lighting a firework.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
You have been thinking recently, 'is this the best I can do?'. The answer, sadly, is 'yes'. The current problems with your job are partially due to the monotony that surrounds you. Kick start your career by doing something to shock your colleagues and show them your inner beast. On Friday night you will dream of being Abraham Lincoln. You won't know why until the following @day@ when a chance meeting with an international patent attorney will shed much light on this mystery.
The Slug July 26th
In your hour of need, an Oyster that you know will have all the answers to your problems this week. However, they are not going to tell you any of the answers. A friend will come to you seek your advice on a sensitive subject this week. They will also come to deeply regret asking you about anything because your advice sucks. You've been thinking about having some minor cosmetic surgery done, but here's a word of warning...if you polish a turd, it's still a turd.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Are you a lion or a mouse? Now is the time to nail your colors to the flag and decide whether you can squeak or roar. Allergies might prove bothersome this week, especially if you work on a farm or are allergic to milk. How many times do you get a Mussel trying to chat you up over a drink and a hot dog? Well this is the week where a Mussel with a point to prove will try to ply you with hot dogs and beer. Just go easy on the mustard!
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
The ship of your dreams is sailing down the river of despair. It's time to take hold of the tiller of fate, and steer yourself to the calm waters of your future. Don't do things that you don't want to do, unless you do want to do the things that you think that you don't want to do. That stranger who you keep seeing in your neighborhood, the one who looks a bit like Tiger Woods, well you can rest easy because they're not Clint Eastwood at all.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
A trip to the dry-cleaners could provide the impetus you have been looking for to kick-start your business plans. This will be a good week for fun, festivities, and especially fashion. Let your clothes do the talking and don't skimp on the accessories. Wake up at 3:00 AM on Saturday to remind yourself why it's such a bad idea to get up at 3:00 AM.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Your week will become focused around @day, when the the number 27, the color pink and someone who has a connection to Martin Luther King will potentially change your life, or maybe just your bank balance. A cucumber, a pneumatic drill, and a skateboard. Two of these three items will not give you a major headache this week. You might get some advice about this week from a Scallop about which orifice is most suitable for a particular pursuit that you might try on Saturday. Please get a second opinion from someone else before you embark on said pursuit.
If you see anybody this week who looks like Weird Al Yankovick, you should immediately ask them for the time, but only if their watch is on their right wrist. This is a good time to give up something, particularly if you have an addiction to any illegal narcotics. Watch out for someone saying 'no' to you this week.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Don't be surprised when an accidental slip on a calculator this week could lead to a diplomatic incident involving the French Navy. Why do you spend so much time waiting for other people to tell you how great you are. Cut out the middle man and start singing your own praises while looking in the mirror. When a Snail and an Octopus get together the results can be hard to predict. So take extra special care on Friday when you will meet an Octopus in an uncomfortable situation (an industrial-strength stain remover might be required).
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Avoid even numbers this week if possible as they will only bring you trouble. You've always wanted to try drinking a pint of raw eggs...now is the time to try. This is a good week to remember that old nautical expression 'You can make me walk the plank, but I'll drown on my own terms'.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Should you wear red on Tuesday? No, but you'll do it anyway because you have no sense of fashion. Others will spend this week trying to think outside the box. Show them your true genius by turning the box inside out and then thinking inside it. You have a few personal problems at the moment and you might feel that you should turn to a colleague for advice. But asking a Slug for advice is like stepping into a bath full of kerosene and then lighting a firework.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
You have been thinking recently, 'is this the best I can do?'. The answer, sadly, is 'yes'. The current problems with your job are partially due to the monotony that surrounds you. Kick start your career by doing something to shock your colleagues and show them your inner beast. On Friday night you will dream of being Abraham Lincoln. You won't know why until the following @day@ when a chance meeting with an international patent attorney will shed much light on this mystery.
The Slug July 26th
In your hour of need, an Oyster that you know will have all the answers to your problems this week. However, they are not going to tell you any of the answers. A friend will come to you seek your advice on a sensitive subject this week. They will also come to deeply regret asking you about anything because your advice sucks. You've been thinking about having some minor cosmetic surgery done, but here's a word of warning...if you polish a turd, it's still a turd.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Are you a lion or a mouse? Now is the time to nail your colors to the flag and decide whether you can squeak or roar. Allergies might prove bothersome this week, especially if you work on a farm or are allergic to milk. How many times do you get a Mussel trying to chat you up over a drink and a hot dog? Well this is the week where a Mussel with a point to prove will try to ply you with hot dogs and beer. Just go easy on the mustard!
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
The ship of your dreams is sailing down the river of despair. It's time to take hold of the tiller of fate, and steer yourself to the calm waters of your future. Don't do things that you don't want to do, unless you do want to do the things that you think that you don't want to do. That stranger who you keep seeing in your neighborhood, the one who looks a bit like Tiger Woods, well you can rest easy because they're not Clint Eastwood at all.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
A trip to the dry-cleaners could provide the impetus you have been looking for to kick-start your business plans. This will be a good week for fun, festivities, and especially fashion. Let your clothes do the talking and don't skimp on the accessories. Wake up at 3:00 AM on Saturday to remind yourself why it's such a bad idea to get up at 3:00 AM.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
Your week will become focused around @day, when the the number 27, the color pink and someone who has a connection to Martin Luther King will potentially change your life, or maybe just your bank balance. A cucumber, a pneumatic drill, and a skateboard. Two of these three items will not give you a major headache this week. You might get some advice about this week from a Scallop about which orifice is most suitable for a particular pursuit that you might try on Saturday. Please get a second opinion from someone else before you embark on said pursuit.
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