If you smoke, then this is a good week to give up. If you don't smoke, then maybe this is a good week to try. Tell a loved one that you love them this week. Also tell someone you hate that you hate them. Life is all about balance. There is a Clam on the war-path, and that Clam is heading your way. Make like a dead whale, and play dead.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
Try to look forward to the future this week, but still keep one eye looking over your shoulder as the past may catch you up and spit in your eye. You will breathe more deeply this week when things that you want appear on the horizon, in a shimmering cloud. It is imperative that you find a roller coaster to ride on Saturday. Your life needs some excitement, and if you want an added kick, don't wear the safety harness.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
A famous sailor once remarked that 'A beached whale is like a boy urinating in a church at a wedding. It doesn't look good, it doesn't smell good, and everyone pretends not to notice, even though they are secretly annoyed. Don't be that beached whale. Put some distance between you and a rival. At least 0 feet, but no more than a mile. You once knew a Limpet who was vile, repugnant, and had a tendency to sweat heavily. Well bad news for you because that very same family member will be knocking on your door this week.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
A foreign fish will play an exciting role in your life this week. Running away from things will not help problems this week. Neither will staying where you are. Get in a tussle with a Mussel and they will feel the slam of a Clam.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Avoid the number 18 if possible on Wednesday. The reason for this is unclear, but as a wise sailor once said "I don't mind being swallowed by a whale...as long as I pass out the other end". Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Sad. Sad. Sad. Sad. Which one of these will you be this week? Bless your Barnacles, for a Barnacle will come to save the day for you on Thursday. You would have never guessed that peanut butter would prove so useful.
The Slug July 26th
You will be followed about by a bad smell everywhere that you go this week. This is not much of a mystery, the smell is you. Your Slug-like nature will mean that you will suffer twice as much as normal this week when a rival colleague will attempt to literally rub salt into old wounds. Is it possible for everyone you know to violently dislike you? Yes. It is.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
Don't do things that you don't want to do, unless you do want to do the things that you think that you don't want to do. Eggs, or products containing eggs, are best avoided this week. Unless you are certain that they are what you want. If the level of your confidence was a country, it would be Australia.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
You are a fighter, not a quitter. Don't let the bastards grind you down. Travel this week will broaden the mind, but flatten the wallet. Eat anything you want this week, but avoid the kung po chicken at all costs.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
This week you might find yourself inconvenienced in an enclosed space with someone who looks remarkably like Robin Williams. Does this matter? Only time will tell. You will have an important meeting with your boss this week. Be careful, the wrong choice of shoes will prove disastrous to your career. Given the choice, you might think that you would have preferred to be born as James Taylor, but the reality is that you would end up spending a lot more money on lubrication products.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
A religious fanatic with a speech impediment will cause you much grief this week. Take an umbrella with you this week when you go to your 'special' appointment. It won't rain but there will be waterworks. Remember, it is always better to arrive early. Arriving late is a sign of a drunken loser.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment