Think about what you want, and what you need. Are they the same things? If you keep putting it off (and you know what I mean by 'it'), it will never get done. Sort it out this week once and for all. There is a Clam on the war-path, and that Clam is heading your way. Make like a dead whale, and play dead.
Laughter will fill the air this week. But will it be yours? There is only one way to be sure. Rent a good comedy on DVD and watch with a friend. Wear a smile on this week because you cannot fail* and everything you do will turn out to be magical and rewarding (* = terms and conditions may apply). It is imperative that you find a roller coaster to ride on Thursday. Your life needs some excitement, and if you want an added kick, don't wear the safety harness.
Numbers will prove problematic for you this week. It could be a birthday or other important date, or it could be the lottery. Step wisely when choosing any number. If there was ever a week to shut the curtains, stay in bed, and hide under the duvet like a frightened kitten, then this is the week...unless you need to go out. Why do Squids have that annoying habit of saying something at the most inopportune times. If you are speaking at any event this week where there is an opportunity to ask questions, then avoid fielding any such questions from a Squid.
Why will the color white be important to you this week? The answer to that question may only be revealed when you end up in a police station or supermarket on Tuesday. A sailor that can't sail is not a sailor. Likewise a thinker that can't think is not a thinker. Are you a sailor or a thinker? You have an Octopus pal who will need of a shoulder to cry on this week. They are in the wrong, they did the wrong thing, and it will turn out all wrong, but you probably won't want to mention any of that.
A famous sailor once remarked 'Life is like jumping overboard without knowing how to swim. You will drown. We all drown. Such is life'. Apply this philosophy to your sales presentation on Sunday this week. This week you might find yourself inconvenienced in an enclosed space with someone who looks remarkably like Oprah Winfrey. Does this matter? Only time will tell. If you have the time, try to track down a trustworthy Mussel that you know on Thursday. Tell them a big secret and see how trustworthy they really are.
Just give up making any sort of plans this week. They will all fail so best stay in bed. You will be followed about by a bad smell everywhere that you go this week. This is not much of a mystery, the smell is you. Your friends will gather closely around you this week, so please take steps to lessen your foul odor.
As the old saying goes 'You can hide a shrimp under a shell, but it's still a shrimp, just a shrimp under a shell'. Heed these words this week, especially if you have any run-ins with the police. A pet or other animal that is close to you will cause problems this week. Avoid all animals if possible. Other Mollusks would say that 'one-on-one is fun', but you are an Oyster, in which case you should adhere to the 'eight-on-eight is great' school of bedroom philosophy.
Try to look forward to the future this week, but still keep one eye looking over your shoulder as the past may catch you up and spit in your eye. If there was ever a week in which you should enroll in a foreign language class, then this is the week. You will come to the defense of a Barnacle this week when a common friend insults them for "not being a true Mollusk".
Wedding bells might be ringing this week, but alas these are very, very quiet wedding bells which have had their clappers lined with velvet. You will have to listen very carefully if you want to hear them. Doubt and uncertainty will cloud your thoughts this week. Try listening to a tall person for advice. If you hear so much as one mention of the F-word from a friend or colleague, then forcefully wash their mouth out with soap (or battery acid).
Forget what you have learned and instead remember only that which you have yet to learn. If you have never learned anything then you will have that much more to remember and will therefore will become a very wise mollusk indeed. It is written that 'a drunken sailor is a happy sailor', yet it is also written that 'drinking leads to death'. Which one of these sayings do you most believe in? You will see a Barnacle in considerable distress this week. If they are left-handed, you should step in to help, otherwise keep walking.
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