You might be familiar with the saying that 'you cannot buy success', well this might be a good week to try anyway. The ship of your dreams is sailing down the river of despair. It's time to take hold of the tiller of fate, and steer yourself to the calm waters of your future. Watch out for someone saying 'no' to you this week.
This is a great week for trying something completely new such as listening to jazz, ballroom dancing, or invading a neighboring country. A sailor that can't sail is not a sailor. Likewise a thinker that can't think is not a thinker. Are you a sailor or a thinker? If you were a shrimp then you would be an outcast among your Mollusk friends. But you are no shrimp, you are a Snail, and don't you ever forget it!
Is there a door opening up in your life? If so then close it, or at most leave it only slightly ajar. People will tell you that life can have its ups and downs, but they never tell you to watch out for the sideways. You once knew a Limpet who was vile, repugnant, and had a tendency to sweat heavily. Well bad news for you because that very same family member will be knocking on your door this week.
You will not meet any world leaders this week. Try to deal with this unsatisfying news by remaining calm and not attacking anyone with a sporting accessory. On Friday your week will take a turn for the worse when you attract the (unwanted) attentions of a born-again reincarnationist. They will try to claim you as their soul-mate. You should run away. There is an old saying that goes something like this: 'A Clam, a Clam, a Clam! All I need is a Clam...but a Barnacle might be ok as well'. Heed this warning on Monday.
Ignite your enthusiasm this week by planning a trip, but avoid buses, trains, and planes as these might bring you danger. There is a very old tradition that Sailors used to follow when leaving home before embarking on a long voyage. Urinate on three things that you love, and spit on three things that you hate. Only this will ensure a safe trip. Heed these words before undertaking any business travel this week. If you have the time, try to track down a trustworthy Mussel that you know on Sunday. Tell them a big secret and see how trustworthy they really are.
In Roman times, ancient mariners had a special word for people who are Slugs. That word translates from the original latin to 'eternal failure'. Happiness. Joy. Financial success. Just another three things that you will not experience this week. In a week where everything that can go wrong, will go wrong, you just have to accept that this is largely your fault.
This week you might find yourself inconvenienced in an enclosed space with someone who looks remarkably like William Shakespeare. Does this matter? Only time will tell. Eat well, sleep well, and make sure you put the cat out because you will need a lot of energy to get through this week. If the level of your confidence was a country, it would be Australia.
Eat well this week, but don't eat too little, and don't eat too much. Also avoid the wrong types of food and focus on the right types of food. Don't look behind you, instead concentrate on what lies ahead. The road that takes you on the longest path is the road that will not take you on the shortest path. Your sex-life could be greatly improved by judicious use of peanut butter this week. Naturally, 'Crunchy' would be better than 'Smooth'.
There is no difference between what you can do and what you think you can do. The only difference is in your mind, or what you think is in your mind. Your weight, or the weight of someone important around you, may become a discussion point this week. If you hear just one more person swear within a 20-foot radius of you, then it is time to tear up the map and get out of this town.
There are many things that you would like to try this week. But remember 'do or do not, there is no try'. The numbers 6 or 9 (or possibly 28) hold the key to happiness this week. A casual comment by a Snail acquaintance of yours might make you think twice before making that important purchase this week. Don't worry. As long as they have it in red, things will turn out just fine.
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