There is no difference between what you can do and what you think you can do. The only difference is in your mind, or what you think is in your mind. If you were a vegetable, you'd probably be a tomato. Watch that you don't get squashed this week. Watch out for someone saying 'no' to you this week.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
A foreign fish will play an exciting role in your life this week. Computer problems might cause you headaches this week. Best stick to using a pen and paper. When a Snail and an Octopus get together the results can be hard to predict. So take extra special care on Saturday when you will meet an Octopus in an uncomfortable situation (an industrial-strength stain remover might be required).
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
If there was ever one week in your life where you should eat cheese, this week is it. If someone should happen to comment that you look just a little bit like Charles Everett Koop, then maybe it's time to consider some heavy duty cosmetic surgery. If you are not in the spotlight this week, then you bloody well should be.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Laughter will fill the air this week. But will it be yours? There is only one way to be sure. Rent a good comedy on DVD and watch with a friend. Fish are a big thing in your life at the moment. Catching fish and eating fish are what you are all about. A Squid in need is a Squid indeed. This is the week to hang out with your Squid buddy and see what pops out of the toaster.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
If you keep putting it off (and you know what I mean by 'it'), it will never get done. Sort it out this week once and for all. Even when everything is going wrong, and it will go wrong this week, just be thankful that you're not Henri Mancini, This might be a very important week for your career, especially if you carry a jar of mustard with you everywhere you go.
The Slug July 26th
Your friends will gather closely around you this week, so please take steps to lessen your foul odor. On Sunday, the number 1 will signify bad news. Really. Bad. News. There is an elephant in the room. You are the elephant.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
If there was ever a week in which you should enroll in a foreign language class, then this is the week. Take heed of the old sailors warning 'If you drown, you die'. Is is really vanity if you pay to put an advert in a national newspaper to point out to everyone how beautiful you are?
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
If you believe in the old addage 'you are what you eat', then you should bear in mind that you eat an awful lot of complete garbage. Food may be important for you this week, so it might be preferable if you try eating it. This week you may take any life-threatening actions that come your way. But whatever you do, go easy on the chili sauce.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Up, up, up, up, up, up! That's the direction your life will be heading in this week (terms and conditions may apply). Clouds are on the horizon. Storm clouds. Storm clouds that will bring rain, hail, thunder, and lightning. Run away. Wake up at 3:00 AM on Saturday to remind yourself why it's such a bad idea to get up at 3:00 AM.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
There is a 32% probability that someone who looks like Charlie Brown will shower you with unusual gifts on Tuesday. This will only happen though if you are wearing purple A religious fanatic with a speech impediment will cause you much grief this week. You're a Mussel, so that's good. But you know a Barnacle who resembles Mary Tyler Moore a little too much for your liking, so that's not so good. Well that's life I guess, it's all about balance.
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