You are a genius, only no-one knows it. Maybe you should try telling people. Big developments will occur in the bedroom this week. Make sure your sheets are clean. Beware the old saying: 'a Squid in need is a Squid indeed'. It might make no sense, but then again neither does the weather.
The Snail February 20th - March 9th
The color purple will be very important to you this week. Especially on Thursday, and when connected to the number 5, and if tomato juice is involved, then let's just say that it will be a day to remember. Are olives really 'the Devil's grape'? This is the week where you will find out. If you see a Barnacle this week, you should probably hit them. They are always trouble.
The Limpet March 10th - May 1st
Tell a loved one that you love them this week. Also tell someone you hate that you hate them. Life is all about balance. The number 44 will be a powerful omen for you this Sunday, but only if you are in the possession of some dried fruit. You will bump into a Mussel on Monday. They will not know you, and you will not know them. You will not talk to them, and they will not talk to you. But it is a meeting of profound importance to your life and career.
The Clam May 2nd - June 2nd
Don't look behind you, instead concentrate on what lies ahead. The road that takes you on the longest path is the road that will not take you on the shortest path. There is no difference between what you can do and what you think you can do. The only difference is in your mind, or what you think is in your mind. You have an Octopus pal who will need of a shoulder to cry on this week. They are in the wrong, they did the wrong thing, and it will turn out all wrong, but you probably won't want to mention any of that.
The Squid June 3rd - July 25th
Sunday holds a great surprise for you, unless you already know about it. This might be the sort of crazy week where you should try to do the exact opposite of what everyone tries to tell you to do. One exception to this would be if anyone tells you to do the opposite of what you would normally do. When you and that lovable Oyster colleague of yours get together, then sparks will fly. Unfortunately, that might lead to a charge of arson this week, so best cancel that Friday night get-together.
The Slug July 26th
Happiness. Joy. Financial success. Just another three things that you will not experience this week. Did you know that 'Slug' is very nearly an anagram of 'ugly'. This is quite fitting as your grim features are enough to put a dying dog off its food. The number 1 will be important for you this week. This will possibly be an amount of money that you will lose, or the number of days you might be held for questioning by the police.
The Oyster July 27th - August 19th
A few things to avoid this week if you know what's good for you: cold tea, hot milk, three-legged animals, North Dakota, and books with the word 'fun' in their title. If there was ever one week in your life where you should eat cheese, this week is it. Look yourself in the mirror on Friday and say to yourself "I'm an Oyster, an Oyster, an Oyster!". If you don't say this, no-one else will.
The Scallop August 20th - October 1st
A hairy man (or woman) will provide you with a bristly problem this week. The ship of your dreams is sailing down the river of despair. It's time to take hold of the tiller of fate, and steer yourself to the calm waters of your future. Your sex-life could be greatly improved by judicious use of peanut butter this week. Naturally, 'Crunchy' would be better than 'Smooth'.
The Octopus October 1st - October 29th
Ignite your enthusiasm this week by planning a trip, but avoid buses, trains, and planes as these might bring you danger. If you stayed in bed all week...maybe nobody would know that you were missing. Someone will swear at you this week. You will not be happy, in fact you will be livid. In these scenarios, physical retribution is only fair.
The Mussel October 30th - December 1st
It is written that 'a drunken sailor is a happy sailor', yet it is also written that 'drinking leads to death'. Which one of these sayings do you most believe in? Something involving the color purple will be on your mind this week and you are not sure if you need a second opinion about what to do. The solution involves getting a second opinion from a friend as to whether you need to get a second opinion. You will see a Barnacle in considerable distress this week. If they are left-handed, you should step in to help, otherwise keep walking.
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